065: Heart to Heart on Receiving

Heart to heart on receiving - Love Always Jo Podcast Episode 065 #holidayadvice #holidaysurvivalguide #survivingtheholidays #holidayprep #preparingforchristmas #preparingfortheholidays #innercritic #familyexpectations #christmas2018 #relationshippodcast #holidaytips #christmasprep #thanksgivingprep #howtoreceivegifts

 

In this month’s Heart-to-Heart we’re talking about receiving, how vulnerable it is, how to receive gifts well, the energy of receiving, and how to practice receiving this holiday season.

 

Journal Prompts:

  • Write about times you got a gift and didn’t receive it as well as you could have. What was happening internally for you?
  • When you hug someone do you focus more on the hug you’re giving or the hug you’re receiving?

Quotes:

  • Deserving is not a prerequisite for receiving.
  • Gift receiving mantra: I’m allowed to receive this.
  • Receive first. Evaluate second. 
  • You don’t have to believe you deserve something to receive it well. 
  • You don’t have to deserve something to receive it well. 
  • Receive the love first, even if the gift isn’t for you

 

Announcements:

  • Looking for a resolution-free way to plan for 2019? I’m hosting a Vision Board Workshop in DC on January 17. Tickets here.
  • If you’d like to send questions, thoughts, concerns or advice about upcoming topics you can do so at joanna-platt.com/hearttoheart. Submissions are due by the first of the month. Here are the upcoming topics:

 

Heart to heart on receiving - Love Always Jo Podcast Episode 065 #holidayadvice #holidaysurvivalguide #survivingtheholidays #holidayprep #preparingforchristmas #preparingfortheholidays #innercritic #familyexpectations #christmas2018 #relationshippodcast #holidaytips #christmasprep #thanksgivingprep #howtoreceivegifts

043: May Q&A

 

This month’s Q&A questions come from Brit and Miranda. In this episode of Love Always, Jo I’ll be answering questions about your inner child, making the workday more mindful, and starting new habits.

 

Quotes:

  • The needs of our inner child can be simple yet profound.
  • Being mindful is about consciously choosing what you’re doing and focusing on and reacting less
  • Being happy doesn’t have to threaten your relationships

 

Journal Prompts:

  • Think back to when you were 5, 8, 10, 12. What was going on in your life then? What did you need? What did you wish for?
  • What was the biggest threat to your well being and happiness when you were little?
  • What do you wish you had when you were little?
  • What type of experiences, relationships, material things?
  • What did you do for fun?
  • What did you want to be when you grew up?
  • When did you lose track of time?
  • What’s your happiest childhood memory?
  • What was your biggest fear?
  • What was your biggest unmet need?
  • What did you need more of?
  • What did you need less of?

 

How can I reconnect with my inner child and get to know her better?

 

Your inner child is there, just under the surface, always. In a lot of ways, she’s running the show of your life—from your big life goals to your smallest desires to your biggest and smallest triggers.

 

Your big girl dreams and your big girl worries are all tied up in the dreams, desires, worries, and wants of your little girl self. They’re the same.

 

If you get triggered by something and you have really really strong negative feelings about something and you’re not sure why it’s likely that your inner child is having a reaction and your inner critic has jumped in to protect your inner child from feeling that pain again.

 

Ask yourself: what does this remind me of? When have I felt this feeling before? Chances are there is a scared, hurt version of you as a child hidden under there.

 

A client and I were recently talking about dating. She said that she went on a lot of dates and some that were even good, but they ended up not going anywhere. When we dug into this a bit, she remembered a time in 8th grade when she told a boy she liked him and in science class, this news got out and she was embarrassed publicly for it. At that moment, a protector was born, an inner critic that would pull her back anytime she liked a guy and prevented her from expressing her feelings for him. Clearly, this would hold a person back in a relationship.

 

The needs of our inner child can be simple yet profound. One of the most powerful experiences I’ve had with my inner child was a walk around the tidal basin and Jefferson Memorial. I was listening to a workshop, ironically about the inner child. At first, I sat and listened. Then I started walking and listening. Then I stopped walking and paused the recording to just stop and be for a little bit. I continued at this pace, walking a little, stopping a little, just as it felt natural to me. This was an important experience for me and my inner child because one of my unmet needs as a kid was quality time with my parents, a quiet uninterrupted time to just go with the flow.

 

Here are some questions to explore — Think back to when you were 5, 8, 10, 12…

  • What was going on in your life then? What did you need? What did you wish for?
  • What was the biggest threat to your well being and happiness when you were little?
  • What do you wish you had when you were little?
  • What type of experiences, relationships, material things?
  • What did you do for fun?
  • What did you want to be when you grew up?
  • When did you lose track of time?
  • What’s your happiest childhood memory?
  • What was your biggest fear?
  • What was your biggest unmet need?
  • What did you need more of?
  • What did you need less of?

 

Want to explore this topic more with me? Schedule a free call here.

 

Do you have any tips for making the workday more mindful?

 

Take breaks — Instead of going through the click routine of checking emails, texts, social media, etc. between tasks, do a lap up and down the stairs to get your blood flowing, take your lunch break away from your workspace, take colorful plates/bowls to work to put your lunch on, take a break to go for a short walk, stare out the window/outside for a few minutes.

Check in with your body — Do stretches every little bit or take a few minutes between tasks to do some deep breathing exercises.

Watch the number of tabs you have open on your screen and mentally

Turn off notifications — Put your phone in a drawer and turn your notifications off, also think about turning off any notifications that are on your computer so you can focus more on the tasks you’re doing. Give yourself permission to reply to emails at specific intervals rather than in between tasks.

 

How do you implement new and better habits into your life if you fear judgment from your friends and family?

 

Acknowledge the fear you have and that it’s the inner critic. Worrying what your friends and family think are your inner critics tactics of keeping you safe and small. It does it because it works. It projects your fears onto your friends and family so that you won’t reach new heights and be better. Your inner critic does this to avoid being shunned or damage relationships.

 

Think about this — by you changing your habits may actually make your friends and family happy…and they may even want to join you. Usually when we make changes, no one even notices for a while, because a lot of the changes we make (setting more boundaries, eating better, going to the gym) are inner changes first and outer changes second.

 

If your friends and family do have a reaction to the changes you’re making, realize that it’s their inner critic popping up in their life keeping them safe. Some things you can do:

  1. Don’t get defensive, just reiterate what you’re doing and remind them their relationship with you isn’t changing just because you’re going to the gym 3 times a week.
  2. Remind yourself why you are making the change.
  3. Find some cheerleaders to help you keep the change going.

 

If you want to talk about change and have someone to keep you accountable to the changes you want to make I’d love to hop on a call with you!

 

Bearing Witness

Standing at a wedding recently, I thought “the only thing I have to do right now, the only purpose for me being here, is to bear witness to this moment. That’s why we’ve been invited here. To sit. To watch. To witness as these two people commit themselves to each other.”

Wow. How powerful is that? I don’t have to do anything. I just have to be here.

I think that’s actually the way it is with a lot of life. Particularly in relationships. You don’t have do anything. I mean of course you do. But one of the biggest things in marriage and in friendship and even in family is being witness to another person’s journey. To his or her life. To watch it and to say I see you.

One of my best friends had a baby recently. Of course, I’ve been putting pressure on myself to take all kinds of food over there since before the baby was even born. I’m sure food would be nice and welcomed. But most of all I think our friends just want to spend time with us. To hang out like we did before the baby. To be around and present while they navigate this new chapter. To bear witness to their journey.

On the flip side, I’ve got a friend going through a break-up. There’s nothing we can do to fix it. To put these two people back together. Sure we can help with some logistical things. We can provide meals or distractions. But more importantly than that it’s being there. We’re here. We see you. We love you. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok.

Every September, I get into a weird funk. I’m super moody and reflective. It’s like a dark night of the soul kind of thing. This weekend I was talking to some girlfriends about it and they were like oh yeah, it’s September already. You’ve gotten like this every September since we’ve known you. They can’t take away the emotional discomfort I feel in September, but them acknowledging and validating my experience — witnessing it — made me feel less alone.
Sometimes in life, you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to fix it, you don’t have to make it better or take it to the next level even. You don’t even have to be the absolute best version of yourself. You just have to be there. To bear witness.

link love

I found the perfect time to go to the grocery store: Thursday night at 8:45. Just got back from a super quick trip to pick up a few things for breakfast on Saturday morning and it was a dream! There was no one in the store so I was able to zip around, getting the few things I needed — and a few extras that caught my eye. My good mood probably helped with the zipping!

Happy weekend! Some links for you:

A super indulgent smoothie I drank four times this week

I love taking myself on dates so I loved this post about a girl who dated herself as a rebound (Good share, Colleen!)

I always say “sometimes saying no to others means saying yes to yourself” so I love my friend Jess’ idea to capture your no’s. And check out her email course, 30 Days of Gutsy, too!

Love this idea for connecting with friends!

I’ve been thinking about making these pancakes again for a couple weeks now…maybe this weekend?

And a quote from a book I’m reading:

Loneliness is an invitation to recognize that our hearts have more capacity to love. The same way hunger pangs tell us when we need nourishment and energy, loneliness is our heart’s way of encouraging us to engage.” ~Shasta Nelson, Friendships Don’t Just Happen

 

a milestone

In a few minutes, I’ll lead my first coaching group call. I feel like I’m on the edge of something really big. Something that marks the beginning of something really great and new. The realization of a dream I’ve been working toward for 2 years. I want to take a minute to take it all in. I want to acknowledge all of the love that has gotten me to this point.

It started with my friends not laughing when I timidly tested the waters of this crazy thing by saying “I think I want to be a coach” before I really even knew what coaching was.

My family and Mike’s family not really knowing what coaching was or how the heck it’d ever pay my bills but going along with it anyway.

It was colleagues at my full-time job checking in to see how things were going and asking me to bring my skills to our full-time work.

My husband who has supported this big crazy dream emotionally and financially through the intense highs and lows, times of self-confidence and extreme bouts of self-doubt.

The coaches in my cohort that acknowledged my wide range of emotions as a gift for the first time, and lauded me for it.

The teachers that encouraged me to tap into my intuition and empathy–one of the biggest strengths I bring to my coaching practice.

Friends, coworkers, and strangers that let me practice on them.

My first clients that trusted me to help them believe in themselves.

It was big things like these words from my mom when I started doubting and questioning that this whole dream would even work: “Oh, it will work. Coaching works. You’re different now because of it.”

But it was smaller things too. Like Facebook likes. Or someone saying “that’s great!” when I shared literally the smallest possible advancement in this.

I can’t tell you how all of these doses of encouragement impacted me.

Thank you, all of you.

don’t cry. don’t say that.

I’m a crier. I’ve always been a crier and will always be a crier. I cry in conversations with friends, I cry at commercials. I’ve cried at work, and in yoga class, and in church. This is all pretty normal for me.

So take it from me, when someone is crying, the last thing they want to hear someone say is “don’t cry.” Please don’t say that. It doesn’t do anything for the person crying. When you say that, it cuts off the connection.

When someone is crying, you don’t necessarily have to say anything. When someone is crying, you don’t necessarily have to do anything.

The best thing you can do for a person crying is hold space for their tears.

Tears are sacred. Don’t be scared of them. Let them come. And let yourself be present for the person shedding them, whether that’s you, a loved one, or a stranger.

 

P.S. A beautiful little short on the power of empathy. Please watch this.

 

i desire…

desire

I’m leading a book group as part of Danielle LaPorte’s World’s Biggest Book Club. At the end of our last meeting we went around and shared, off the cuff, what we desire. (inspired by p. 23)

I desire…

to giggle with my husband at least once a day, to make a ritual of taking our future kids to Barnes and Noble and/or the library regularly to pick out new books together, to write, to have my words inspire and comfort other people, to host a standing Sunday brunch, to have a job that lights me up, to move my body every day in a way that feels right that day, to let go and feel free, to have fresh painted nails more often than not, to get in bed at the end of the day feeling a good kind of tired and already relaxed, to get lost in a good book, to go to happy hour regularly…

That’s all for now.

Wanna play? Share in the comments! It’s fun!

 

fired up on fitting in

On Facebook this weekend, I posted that I was feeling very feisty and writing a blog post.  I don’t usually write when I’m mad. It’s really not advisable. But this gets me so fired up, I just had to write about it.

What was the cause of my feistiness? This little clip from the June issue of SELF magazine.

Self Clip.jpg

“Not feeling it tonight? Curl up in your pj’s and connect your Foursquare to CouchCachet.com. It will find stuff in your ‘hood, like a concert, and create a faux check-in. That Say Yes to the Dress binge is your li’l secret.”

Uh, what?!

Seriously? Seriously?! Create a fake check-in? That’s just sad.

But my reaction didn’t stop there. I spent a lot of time thinking about this, my reaction swinging back and forth between anger and sadness.

So why did this little blurb get me so fired up?

Honestly because it’s inauthentic. I’m a life coach so that I can help women step fully into the amazing women they are. To really be themselves.

And this is promoting the exact opposite of that.

First I thought, this is ridiculous, you’ve got to be kidding me. Is the pressure to fit in, to be cool, really that great that we have to fake our plans to keep up? Frustration, anger. At society, at the negative aspect of our social media culture.

And then I thought about the women that would use this app and what they must be thinking, the pressure they must feel to go to these lengths to protect themselves like this. And that made me really sad.

This is a societal thing but an individual thing too. It’s something that’s only going to change one person at a time.

So how about this?

Not feeling it tonight? That’s ok. Be you and own the fact that you just want to have a night to yourself. It’s cool. In fact, posting something on Facebook about what you’re really doing–watching Pitch Perfect or a Say Yes to the Dress marathon–may inspire other people to do the same.

In addition, if you feel like there is so much pressure on you to go-go-go-go-go and be someone other than 100% you. Let’s talk.

Because I know that the real you is worthy. Is amazing just the way you are. Is capable of being who you really are and doing what you really want and still being loved and valued.

So please, if this is you, reach out to me.

P.S. Like Love Always, Jo on Facebook! Already like? Share the page with a friend or two!

a fraternity house & a pain in my heart

I was driving back from the grocery store and passed a fraternity house in the neighborhood. There were guys and girls outside grilling burgers and drinking beer.  It was an Indian summer night–high 70’s on October 24. The whole thing seemed so carefree.

I only saw them for a second but I got a pang of nostalgia in my heart. I miss those days when your life could be dictated by the weather.  Hey, yeah, it’s warm out, let’s have a cook out. And everyone you know is pretty much free for burgers and beer pong.

Prior to this scene I was proud of myself for making the commitment to go to the grocery store on a weeknight after I’d already been home from work, for deciding to be proactive and get the ingredients to make pumpkin dip for my book club.

Like woah, I’m old. Not only am I not in college anymore, but enough time has passed that I could’ve gotten another undergraduate degree.  Done the entire thing over again.

I miss those days of friends all the time, group lunches, shorts and flip flops, and boys walking around in backward hats.

Thinking back on this scene now, I’m filled with the same intense nostalgia that hit me that night. I’ve had bouts of nostalgia a few times over the years, but nothing like this.  I’m not sure where it’s coming from and why it’s staying with me.  I just know it’s here now.

 

 

weekend to myself & a challenge

After three consecutive weekends of visitors and travel, I was looking forward to having a normal low-key weekend to relax.

Mike happened to be traveling this weekend for work so I had the weekend to myself.  Bonus! I kind of feel bad saying it but then again I don’t.  I really need me-time, time alone to just do my own thing.

Friday night I laid low and relaxed at home–watched Grey’s Anatomy, called my sister, got in bed early at my normal time to read.

Saturday morning I woke up early thinking about my business so I did some brainstorming and drafting in bed. Then I sat in front of my happy light and watched an episode of Super Soul Sunday. I love Super Soul Sunday and highly recommend it if you haven’t seen it.

I went back to sleep for a little while. I love doing that.

When I woke up, I re-started my day with a little more energy. I went to my favorite coffee shop for some reading.  I perused the bookstore for a little while and even treated myself to a new book.  Then I went to Body Flow–haven’t been in forever so that felt great.  After that I decided to go to Bed Bath and Beyond for some velcro rollers.

Maybe I came out with all of this:

 

I also stopped at Marshall’s and picked up a mirror for our bedroom, something I’d been meaning to do for a while. (It was in my letter to myself). It felt kind of bold at the time because I went into Marshall’s on a whim and was in and out of there with a mirror in about 10 minutes.  I didn’t call Mike, I just gave myself permission to make a purchase like this. Go me!

Then I came back and relaxed, finished the episode of Super Soul Sunday, talked to Amanda, tried the velcro rollers, helped Chrissy make a budget, talked to Becca. Nice little afternoon.

Here’s how the rollers came out:

I think I’m digging this!

Saturday night I had a dinner meeting with some friends–I’m coordinating their wedding in two weeks and we went over all the details.  Looking forward to sharing more about that soon!

Sunday morning I stayed in bed until I absolutely had to get up to get ready.  My new friends Kristen and Rachel came into DC and we went to Tryst for chaippucinoes (chai with espresso).

During our conversation we were talking about reaching out to people we’re not close to share support, information they may be interested in, etc.  We each had people in mind that we’d thought about reaching out to but for some reason or another just hadn’t–mostly because we thought maybe it would be weird.

I know from experience, from comments on the blog and from personal Facebook messages, how much a little note like can make someone’s day. So we decided that we would each reach out to some of those people this week and that’s where the challenge comes in.

Challenge

Are there certain people you follow religiously on Facebook? You read their statuses, look through an entire album of photos even though you haven’t talked to them in real life for a while?  I know, I do! For most of us, it stops there.

But it doesn’t have to.  This week I challenge you to reach out to one of these people.  Send a note to say hello, to let them know that you’re thinking about them, and whatever other positive things you want to say.  Make this your own. Make someone’s day.

So what do you say?  Are you in?