I’m going to throw myself into motherhood someday. I’m going to read all the books, cut all of the orange slices, kiss all the boo-boos. Someday.
But not for a little while.
It’s a big deal for me to say this. Feels like a huge admission. This is one of my biggest “shoulds.”
I always thought I’d have a baby around 27. We’ve been married for three years — shouldn’t we want to have a baby?
Until last week* I hadn’t admitted, hadn’t realized, that I don’t want a baby right now. Mike has said “a few years” to the baby question for a while now and so I just said “we’re not having a baby because Mike doesn’t want to have a baby.”
But the truth is it’s not what I want right now. And that’s ok.
It’s ok…that we said we’d have a baby by 30 and now we probably won’t.
It’s ok…that I’d like to be debt free before we start a family. (That may or may not happen.)
It’s ok…that I want to enjoy experiencing my best self for a while.
It’s ok…that I want to indulge in just the two of us for a while longer.
It’s ok. All of it is ok.
*I wrote this post in my journal last spring…but just got the guts now to publish it.