Author: Kelsey Leetzow

A good day.

Posted on by Kelsey Leetzow

Today is a good day.

It’s 7:16 am and it’s a good day.

It was a good day when I woke up this morning.

What I mean when I say that it’s a good day is that my anxiety is low today. I woke up feeling content with my life. When I woke up at 6:30, it was the first time I’d woken up since I went to bed at 10:30. That is huge for me.

Of course, I want to know, start to speculate why it’s a good day. Is it because I’ve written for the last three days, now four?

When I started morning pages, that was the case. By day three the internal cadence in my mind was much slower.

This morning is great because I’m not worrying about what should I do when I get out of bed, not worrying about friends, family, etc. Not worrying about work or when I should take my business full-time or what the next step of my business is, even. Or what I will have for lunch or breakfast – maybe that’s the key – having food on hand.

I’m just here. Content. I put the coffee on. I did a little questioning about whether or not to get back in bed and decided that I could wake up on the couch. I did get back in for a few minutes and then my allergies forced me out. I’m glad. A few quiet minutes to myself in the morning reading is good for my soul.

And now I’m writing again.

Writing is my communion. It’s what I need to do to be in relationship with myself.

I don’t have to know where these words will ultimately end up.

Why do I worry so much about the longevity of things? What if I thought of my words like I thought about nail polish? Pretty and what I’m in the mood for now? You don’t sit to get your nails done and think they’ll last longer than they will. What if my words don’t have to apply forever, they just have to be true today?

Speaking of the longevity of things, of course, one of my thoughts about the good day today, one of the reasons I want to know why today is a good day, is so that I can replicate it tomorrow. And the next day. And have fewer and fewer whatever-the-opposite-of-this-feeling-is days in the future.

But here’s another way to handle the good days – ENJOY THEM. That’s an option. I don’t have to dissect it, analyze it, look at it from all angles to figure out the one thing that’s contributing the most to this feeling. Maybe I can just be in it. Right now. This feels good. Mmm, this still feels good. Why make a project out of the good times? Why not just enjoy them?

 

Sex is for your body, not your mind.

Posted on by Kelsey Leetzow

I’m reading Pleasurable Weight Loss by Jena La Flamme and in it, she talks about increasing your threshold for pleasure.

I had that chapter on my mind when I had this mind blowing thought the other day:

Sex is for the body, not the mind.

I mean, duh. Men, if you’re reading this, you’re probably like what is she talking about? No shit. Why is there a blog post about this?

But women, you might get it.

If you’ve ever experienced a racing mind during sex, you know how life changing this thought is.

Sex is for the body, not the mind.

It’s not so you can be more loved. It’s not to check a box.

It’s for you to feel pleasure and your partner to feel pleasure, and in the process of this experience build your connection.

But first and foremost, pleasure.

So, the next time you’re in bed and your mind starts going going going worrying about is this good and should I do this or what about that or wow, I’m a good significant other for this, or when will this be over….STOP.

Remember that sex is for your body, not your mind.

And just like meditation, when your mind starts to wander (like it inevitably will…), bring your mind and attention back to your breath.

But in this case, bring it right back between your legs.

Your body knows exactly what to do.

 

Bearing Witness

Posted on by Kelsey Leetzow

Standing at a wedding recently, I thought “the only thing I have to do right now, the only purpose for me being here, is to bear witness to this moment. That’s why we’ve been invited here. To sit. To watch. To witness as these two people commit themselves to each other.”

Wow. How powerful is that? I don’t have to do anything. I just have to be here.

I think that’s actually the way it is with a lot of life. Particularly in relationships. You don’t have do anything. I mean of course you do. But one of the biggest things in marriage and in friendship and even in family is being witness to another person’s journey. To his or her life. To watch it and to say I see you.

One of my best friends had a baby recently. Of course, I’ve been putting pressure on myself to take all kinds of food over there since before the baby was even born. I’m sure food would be nice and welcomed. But most of all I think our friends just want to spend time with us. To hang out like we did before the baby. To be around and present while they navigate this new chapter. To bear witness to their journey.

On the flip side, I’ve got a friend going through a break-up. There’s nothing we can do to fix it. To put these two people back together. Sure we can help with some logistical things. We can provide meals or distractions. But more importantly than that it’s being there. We’re here. We see you. We love you. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok.

Every September, I get into a weird funk. I’m super moody and reflective. It’s like a dark night of the soul kind of thing. This weekend I was talking to some girlfriends about it and they were like oh yeah, it’s September already. You’ve gotten like this every September since we’ve known you. They can’t take away the emotional discomfort I feel in September, but them acknowledging and validating my experience — witnessing it — made me feel less alone.
Sometimes in life, you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to fix it, you don’t have to make it better or take it to the next level even. You don’t even have to be the absolute best version of yourself. You just have to be there. To bear witness.

What I learned over LDW

Posted on by Kelsey Leetzow

I had a realization over Labor Day weekend.

I am much better, feel much better, when my life is in motion.

I unintentionally pulled the joy and delight out of my life in the name of growing my business. I started to feel like I couldn’t prioritize friendships or my health because I needed to focus all of my energy and my free time on my business. I’m realizing, though well-meaning, it’s not serving me well.

We had this thing at my high school called Gym Night. My sister always said that she had the best grades during Gym Night season. She attributed this to having less time to focus on homework and things so she didn’t mess around and simply buckled down to get her homework done in the limited time she had.

I’ve gone the exact opposite of that. I’ve stripped my weekly calendar of all the fun things: cooking, seeing friends, working out. My life has become a big go to work, come home, sit on the couch and watch TV loop. And you can bet that I was NOT working on my business in all this free time.

I banged out more content for an upcoming e-course in one plane ride to California than I have in the entire month since I had the idea.

I always feel like I’m super focused on trips to PA too. Probably because we’ve got a lot of people to see and there’s only limited time to spend by myself.

I’ve gained weight. I had a breakdown in the doctor’s office recently about how beige my life is and how many things I’ve got going on in the fall.

Then Labor Day weekend happened. I went to happy hour on Thursday night and then Friday afternoon when work got out early and then had a girlfriend over Friday night. Saturday I got a massage and then later in the day Mike and I tried a new-to-us BBQ place in Georgetown and I stopped at the Gap on my way home. Sunday I had brunch with girlfriends and then Mike and I made dinner at home. Monday morning I made breakfast at home, kneading dough for these breakfast buns by hand for eight minutes. I also made rice krispie treats. Then we drove 45 mins to a furniture place in Virginia and then spent the afternoon and evening with friends at their house. That’s about what I typically do in a whole month, let alone a weekend!

I wrote a blog post over the weekend and I’m writing this at 7am the day after Labor Day.

I haven’t been on a roll like this in a very very long time. I feel like I’ve uncovered a secret I should’ve known about myself:

I am at my best when I’ve got a lot going on.

Note: this is very different and I’m very cognizant about numbing with busyness. That is a completely different thing and needs to be monitored. Busyness is an addiction like any other and I’ve definitely used it in the past.

So, I’m going to add the color back into my life. Cooking (which I love), happy hour, exercise. Because not only do I want a full life, it seems like I need one too.