Category: Planning

the real process of a wedding

Posted on by jplatt27

All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks – all those sentences that began with “when we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will” – those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe”- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. ~Union by Robert Fulghum, one of our wedding readings

Writing our vows was one of the most powerful things we’ve ever done. It was also one of the scariest.

Vow Ideas

We sat in Starbucks on a Sunday morning, trying to put together the thoughts we had each jotted down separately into promises we’d build our marriage on. It was intense. I remember looking at him and sharing things I’d never said out loud before about what he meant to me and what I hoped for our future.

Trying to articulate something you feel so deeply is tricky.  Opening your heart, really putting yourself out there, even to someone you love so deeply and have known for so long isn’t easy. You feel vulnerable, raw even. Just thinking about this experience I’m getting that “I-don’t-want-to-cry-and-am-holding-back-tears” feeling in my throat. It was more than two years ago.

How often do you actually express what you value as a couple, how you want to love each other, what your hopes are? You don’t really. Many things just go unsaid or assumed.

Whether or not you plan to write and say your own vows in your upcoming wedding, or whether or not you’ve already said “I do,” I think this act of sitting down together to write promises, to share what you love about your relationship and the qualities you want to define your relationship in the long run, is a powerful one. It’s one that may make you feel exposed and vulnerable but one that is really worth it.  It’s an intimate experience that brings you together closer than you’ve been before. It certainly brought us together in a deeper way than ever before.

Talk to me:

Did you/would you write your own vows?

Would you have a conversation with your husband or wife now? If so, what promises would you like you make to your spouse?

 

 

something changed

Posted on by jplatt27

When people ask us “how is married life?” both of us would say “it’s about the same.” And while not many things in our day to day lives have changed since the wedding, something has definitely changed in our relationship.  Though it’s continued to change since our wedding, I think it started before we said I do. I think it started when I said yes.

For the first time we were a team.  Prior to that it was team Mike and I was the head cheerleader and team Jo with Mike as the head cheerleader. We were very much on the same page and supportive of each other’s goals and dreams but for the most part we each did our own thing and came together after.

Planning our wedding was the first major project we ever worked on together in a way that required us to really be a united front. Even searching for an apartment and moving to DC together wasn’t that big of a deal in this sense because that really only involved the two of us. We went and looked at apartments, decided which one we liked best, put money down, and signed a lease. Easy. Peasy.

But planning a wedding is a whole ‘nother ball game.  Though I didn’t realize this when I started planning, our wedding wasn’t only about the two of us. Our parents were major stakeholders in the day as well.  And then we had family, friends, and other guests to worry about too.  And vendors.

All of these people had opinions about our wedding from reception location and the weather to groomsman attire and food. We had to consider what we wanted and work as a team to make our vision come to life while taking into account all the other people and their thoughts. We had to advocate for what we wanted as individuals as well as what we wanted as a couple. And we had to be gracious in turning down other people’s ideas.

This was the first time we interacted as a unit and made decisions together and reported out to our families.  It went from this is what I want or this is what Mike’s up to to this is what we think is best.

There were budgets to balance, updates to give, vendor meetings, orders to place, details to coordinate.  Oh, and vows to write and a ceremony to create and personalize to reflect our values and our love.

This was a pretty cool thing.  It was challenging at times, sure, but it only prepared us for life ahead.

what if it’s sunny?

Posted on by jplatt27

When Mike and I chose to have our wedding reception in a tent, we knew it felt right.   Fonthill Castle in Doylestown, PA is a picturesque property with lots of green.  Living in a city, the serenity of the sights and sounds of the property were something that instantly attracted us. It felt so peaceful, so free. This would be the best place for us to get married.

But our parents asked “what if it rains?”

My first thought in response to this was “what if it’s 75 and sunny?” Yes, there is the possibility of rain on our wedding day.  But there is also an equal possibility that it’s a gorgeous spring day. And that’s what I decided to focus on.

This is my natural reaction to things.  I think of best case.  I’m a true optimist.

Yesterday I was chatting with a friend about which grad school she should attend.  She’s deciding between two schools.  At one point she said something equivalent to “if it rains, will I wish I went to the other school?”

And my thought was the equivalent of “what if it’s sunny?” What if the exact opposite of that bad situation happens? You’ll be happy you chose the school you did.

I think it’s natural to ask “what if?” and consider the potential snags in a situation. It’s smart even.  Of course you want to consider less-than-ideal scenarios. But I think it’s best when we ask ourselves this question in a pragmatic way, in a way that opens your mind to a contingency plan in case x, y, or z happens. But don’t let the possibility of it not working out keep you from going after the best case, what you really want.

It’s kind of like that saying “don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.” (ok, maybe that’s from A Cinderella Story 🙂 ).

Our wedding day was exactly as I pictured it.  A gorgeous spring day. Sun shining. Not too hot.  And as we sat on a picnic blanket on the grounds of Fonthill before the reception with the breeze blowing past us taking in the whole day, I was glad we followed our hearts and made decisions with the best possible scenario in mind.

What if we had taken our parents concerns to heart, let their fear of rain eclipse our hope of sun, and changed our plans to a more rain-friendly site? What if we booked a hotel ballroom instead and wished we were spending our sunny wedding day at Fonthill?

The next time you find yourself worrying “what if it rains?” ask yourself this:

what if it’s sunny?