Tag: emotions

the day after the rings

Posted on by jplatt27

when you’re planning a wedding, there is so much talk about every detail of the day. we make inspiration boards, read magazines, books, and blogs, chat with friends, family members, and co-workers about each decision. but after you’ve picked your dress, your first dance song, hors d’oeuvres, readings, favors, bridesmaid dresses, flowers, your honeymoon destination, etc, that’s where it ends.  no one talks about what happens after the wedding. probably because it’s not that happy. so here’s how it went for me.

i woke up on the morning after my wedding overwhelmed with emotions.  of course, one of them was pure joy. another was love–for my husband, for my family, and for all the friends that came to show us love and support the day before.  another was shock–wow, did that really happen? that amazing day full of love and happiness that i looked forward to for years and thought about for a good portion of every day for 13 months, that happened? another was sadness–sadness that it was all over, sadness that all our friends and family were on their way. i thought that on the morning after our wedding, i wouldn’t want to see anyone.  that i would just want to sit in bliss with my husband.  but no, i wanted them all back with us. to talk about the wedding, to laugh, to extend the experience just a little bit longer. it was the best day of my life.  and it was behind me.

i spent most of the day crying.  tears came to my eyes as mike and i relived our favorite moments over coffee and bagels.  i was tearing up while texting my mom, and reading our cards.  and at other points i laid in our hotel bed and sobbed. part of this was pure exhaustion.  but it was also the release of all the emotions that had built up in the weeks and months leading up to our wedding.

the tears flowed into the first part of our honeymoon. i got emotional in the airport and in the van on the way to our hotel. as the week went on, the tears became less and less frequent.

but it didn’t end there.  over the next week or so, i’ll be writing about similar emotions i’ve experienced since my wedding: coming back to work after my honeymoon, responding to the questions “how was your wedding” and “how is married life,” and how i feel when i hear our first dance song.

waiting for daylight savings

Posted on by jplatt27

this time of the year is really challenging for me.  my energy levels are low and motivation to do things is minimal. my attention span is super short and i have a hard time concentrating. (honestly, i’m pushing myself to get this post written.) all i want to do is get in bed and stay there and i’m kind of down overall.

it’s because the sun comes out so late in the morning.  i’m usually a morning person and wake up when it gets to be a certain lightness out/somewhere around 5:30. for spring and summer these times are very close to each other and i’m high functioning, happy, and energetic. but from now until daylight savings on november 6 that’s a lot later than usual and i struggle to feel like me. it will be better for a few weeks after daylight savings but by january it will be difficult again.  this experience is not uncommon.  in fact, it’s called seasonal affective disorder–funny that the abbreviation is s.a.d.

i’m going to have to work extra hard to take care of myself and manage my mood during this time.  for me that means making a concerted effort to get to the gym (difficult because i’m a morning gym person but am having trouble getting up), cooking and eating foods that will give me energy, and spending time with friends. hopefully doing these things will help. if not, i may need to find a plan b.

talk to me

do you feel tired, unmotivated or depressed at certain times of the year?  what helps you feel like yourself again? 

50 have been chosen

Posted on by jplatt27

after quite a while, we finally chose our 50 wedding pictures!

i’m not going to lie, i’m really sad that our wedding is over.  i can’t believe that more than 3 months after, i’m still so sad. sad that’s it’s just a memory now instead of my greatest dream.  i know that we have many many more dreams to dream together and it’s just the beginning but that was one that i held onto for so so long.  i wished for it, i prayed for it, i hoped for it every day for the past 8 years, and probably a little bit before that too.  i always wanted it to be him.

i guess now i continue to hope that we have a long happy love-filled life together. that’s one hope i’ll always have.

(photo credit: amanda kraft photography)

Tears at the Social Security Office

Posted on by jplatt27

I officially changed my name last week.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I handed over the form, our marriage license, and my passport. As I sat down to wait for my paperwork to be processed, I cried quietly in my chair. This is not surprising for me because all endings make me cry: co-workers leaving, moving to a new apartment, the end of a weekend at home.

A friend/co-worker knew where I was and walked by the social security office at the just the right time.  She came in and told me that yes, this is a big deal and it’s ok to be sad.  She gave me a hug and I sobbed into her arms and something about that moment felt so good. I was honoring my feelings.  Honoring the name I carried all my life and the memories and people associated with it. And then I stopped.  Because even though I changed my name, a name that is a big part of my identity and one that I cherish deeply, I was ok.  I had made the right decision.

Posted on by jplatt27

a friend at work told me i may be depressed after the wedding.  so i wasn’t surprised when the first week back to my normal life was less than exhilarating.  i figured i was tired from traveling and after the high of an amazing wedding and unbelievable honeymoon of course it would be rough to be back in the stifling heat of the city and the chill of my beige windowless office. after a week or so, i felt like i was adjusting back to my normal life.

however, in the last few days, a wave of exhaustion and depression has swept over me.  i’m completely exhausted before i get to work even though i went to bed before 9pm the night before.  i’m melancholy and sad and find myself sobbing, loudly and uncontrollably, a few times a day.  

i can’t articulate what i’m going through or why i’m feeling what i’m feeling.  there is nothing logical or rational behind it.  and this isn’t like going away to college when everything changed and everyone around you was going through the same thing and that made it easier.  no, this is just me.  

these are probably growing pains.  and the waves on which they come are very close together right now.  as time goes on, they’ll lessen in frequency and severity. i’ll get back to equilibrium soon enough. all i can do in the meantime is honor my feelings. they’re not wrong. they’re mine.

"allow time for transitions"

Posted on by jplatt27

this nugget of wisdom came from don’t sweat the small stuff in love and is something i’m trying to remember right now.  it’s funny that though i’ve just committed my life to someone, i’m still in a state of transition.  we’re moving next month and have boxes of wedding presents waiting to be used piled in our apartment.  i’m changing my name and every time i sign a credit card receipt with my standard signature i remember that it won’t be that way for long and that i should practice my new one.  we’re going to combine our finances (something we’re very excited about) but that has to wait until my name is changed and even after we get our accounts in order it will take a while for direct deposits to change. we need our own car insurance policy (i’ve been on my dad’s) and will have to register our car in DC. i want these things to be done.  they are all things that could be done in a day (or so you’d think).  but no.  i’m sure all of this won’t be settled until at least august.  so, when i feel overwhelmed with these changes and a never-ending personal to-do list, i remember “allow time for transitions.”