Tag: memories

043: May Q&A

Posted on by jplatt27

 

This month’s Q&A questions come from Brit and Miranda. In this episode of Love Always, Jo I’ll be answering questions about your inner child, making the workday more mindful, and starting new habits.

 

Quotes:

  • The needs of our inner child can be simple yet profound.
  • Being mindful is about consciously choosing what you’re doing and focusing on and reacting less
  • Being happy doesn’t have to threaten your relationships

 

Journal Prompts:

  • Think back to when you were 5, 8, 10, 12. What was going on in your life then? What did you need? What did you wish for?
  • What was the biggest threat to your well being and happiness when you were little?
  • What do you wish you had when you were little?
  • What type of experiences, relationships, material things?
  • What did you do for fun?
  • What did you want to be when you grew up?
  • When did you lose track of time?
  • What’s your happiest childhood memory?
  • What was your biggest fear?
  • What was your biggest unmet need?
  • What did you need more of?
  • What did you need less of?

 

How can I reconnect with my inner child and get to know her better?

 

Your inner child is there, just under the surface, always. In a lot of ways, she’s running the show of your life—from your big life goals to your smallest desires to your biggest and smallest triggers.

 

Your big girl dreams and your big girl worries are all tied up in the dreams, desires, worries, and wants of your little girl self. They’re the same.

 

If you get triggered by something and you have really really strong negative feelings about something and you’re not sure why it’s likely that your inner child is having a reaction and your inner critic has jumped in to protect your inner child from feeling that pain again.

 

Ask yourself: what does this remind me of? When have I felt this feeling before? Chances are there is a scared, hurt version of you as a child hidden under there.

 

A client and I were recently talking about dating. She said that she went on a lot of dates and some that were even good, but they ended up not going anywhere. When we dug into this a bit, she remembered a time in 8th grade when she told a boy she liked him and in science class, this news got out and she was embarrassed publicly for it. At that moment, a protector was born, an inner critic that would pull her back anytime she liked a guy and prevented her from expressing her feelings for him. Clearly, this would hold a person back in a relationship.

 

The needs of our inner child can be simple yet profound. One of the most powerful experiences I’ve had with my inner child was a walk around the tidal basin and Jefferson Memorial. I was listening to a workshop, ironically about the inner child. At first, I sat and listened. Then I started walking and listening. Then I stopped walking and paused the recording to just stop and be for a little bit. I continued at this pace, walking a little, stopping a little, just as it felt natural to me. This was an important experience for me and my inner child because one of my unmet needs as a kid was quality time with my parents, a quiet uninterrupted time to just go with the flow.

 

Here are some questions to explore — Think back to when you were 5, 8, 10, 12…

  • What was going on in your life then? What did you need? What did you wish for?
  • What was the biggest threat to your well being and happiness when you were little?
  • What do you wish you had when you were little?
  • What type of experiences, relationships, material things?
  • What did you do for fun?
  • What did you want to be when you grew up?
  • When did you lose track of time?
  • What’s your happiest childhood memory?
  • What was your biggest fear?
  • What was your biggest unmet need?
  • What did you need more of?
  • What did you need less of?

 

Want to explore this topic more with me? Schedule a free call here.

 

Do you have any tips for making the workday more mindful?

 

Take breaks — Instead of going through the click routine of checking emails, texts, social media, etc. between tasks, do a lap up and down the stairs to get your blood flowing, take your lunch break away from your workspace, take colorful plates/bowls to work to put your lunch on, take a break to go for a short walk, stare out the window/outside for a few minutes.

Check in with your body — Do stretches every little bit or take a few minutes between tasks to do some deep breathing exercises.

Watch the number of tabs you have open on your screen and mentally

Turn off notifications — Put your phone in a drawer and turn your notifications off, also think about turning off any notifications that are on your computer so you can focus more on the tasks you’re doing. Give yourself permission to reply to emails at specific intervals rather than in between tasks.

 

How do you implement new and better habits into your life if you fear judgment from your friends and family?

 

Acknowledge the fear you have and that it’s the inner critic. Worrying what your friends and family think are your inner critics tactics of keeping you safe and small. It does it because it works. It projects your fears onto your friends and family so that you won’t reach new heights and be better. Your inner critic does this to avoid being shunned or damage relationships.

 

Think about this — by you changing your habits may actually make your friends and family happy…and they may even want to join you. Usually when we make changes, no one even notices for a while, because a lot of the changes we make (setting more boundaries, eating better, going to the gym) are inner changes first and outer changes second.

 

If your friends and family do have a reaction to the changes you’re making, realize that it’s their inner critic popping up in their life keeping them safe. Some things you can do:

  1. Don’t get defensive, just reiterate what you’re doing and remind them their relationship with you isn’t changing just because you’re going to the gym 3 times a week.
  2. Remind yourself why you are making the change.
  3. Find some cheerleaders to help you keep the change going.

 

If you want to talk about change and have someone to keep you accountable to the changes you want to make I’d love to hop on a call with you!

 

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Bearing Witness

Posted on by Kelsey Leetzow

Standing at a wedding recently, I thought “the only thing I have to do right now, the only purpose for me being here, is to bear witness to this moment. That’s why we’ve been invited here. To sit. To watch. To witness as these two people commit themselves to each other.”

Wow. How powerful is that? I don’t have to do anything. I just have to be here.

I think that’s actually the way it is with a lot of life. Particularly in relationships. You don’t have do anything. I mean of course you do. But one of the biggest things in marriage and in friendship and even in family is being witness to another person’s journey. To his or her life. To watch it and to say I see you.

One of my best friends had a baby recently. Of course, I’ve been putting pressure on myself to take all kinds of food over there since before the baby was even born. I’m sure food would be nice and welcomed. But most of all I think our friends just want to spend time with us. To hang out like we did before the baby. To be around and present while they navigate this new chapter. To bear witness to their journey.

On the flip side, I’ve got a friend going through a break-up. There’s nothing we can do to fix it. To put these two people back together. Sure we can help with some logistical things. We can provide meals or distractions. But more importantly than that it’s being there. We’re here. We see you. We love you. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok.

Every September, I get into a weird funk. I’m super moody and reflective. It’s like a dark night of the soul kind of thing. This weekend I was talking to some girlfriends about it and they were like oh yeah, it’s September already. You’ve gotten like this every September since we’ve known you. They can’t take away the emotional discomfort I feel in September, but them acknowledging and validating my experience — witnessing it — made me feel less alone.
Sometimes in life, you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to fix it, you don’t have to make it better or take it to the next level even. You don’t even have to be the absolute best version of yourself. You just have to be there. To bear witness.

a fraternity house & a pain in my heart

Posted on by jplatt27

I was driving back from the grocery store and passed a fraternity house in the neighborhood. There were guys and girls outside grilling burgers and drinking beer.  It was an Indian summer night–high 70’s on October 24. The whole thing seemed so carefree.

I only saw them for a second but I got a pang of nostalgia in my heart. I miss those days when your life could be dictated by the weather.  Hey, yeah, it’s warm out, let’s have a cook out. And everyone you know is pretty much free for burgers and beer pong.

Prior to this scene I was proud of myself for making the commitment to go to the grocery store on a weeknight after I’d already been home from work, for deciding to be proactive and get the ingredients to make pumpkin dip for my book club.

Like woah, I’m old. Not only am I not in college anymore, but enough time has passed that I could’ve gotten another undergraduate degree.  Done the entire thing over again.

I miss those days of friends all the time, group lunches, shorts and flip flops, and boys walking around in backward hats.

Thinking back on this scene now, I’m filled with the same intense nostalgia that hit me that night. I’ve had bouts of nostalgia a few times over the years, but nothing like this.  I’m not sure where it’s coming from and why it’s staying with me.  I just know it’s here now.

 

 

five memories and one for good luck

Posted on by jplatt27

It’s my mom’s birthday today. In honor of her birthday I’d thought I’d share some of my favorite memories related to my mom.

1. I remember her sitting on the windowsill in my room and singing “Puff the Magic Dragon.”

2. One Valentine’s Day we came home from school to find tie-dyed Ty teddy bears sitting at each of our spots at the kitchen table. It made me so happy.

3. One fall night my mom and I watched Carrie just the two of us. We sat on the couch under a blanket with all the lights turned off (we “made a movie theather”) and it was pitch black outside, maybe even thunderstorming. It was so scary but so fun at the same time.

4. Late middle school I was having a really hard time. My mom stuck a note in my lunch, a little card with a pastel landscape on the front. I don’t remember quite what it said but it was short and sweet and written in pencil. It was something along the lines of “keep your head up, you don’t have to make decision now” and at the bottom “I love you, Mom.” I remember exactly where I was in the hallway when I read this.  It was so comforting and helped me feel at peace.

5. About this time my first year in DC my mom came down for a visit. I was still teaching and having a really hard time. We went to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants and sat outside for an early dinner. Then we walked back to my apartment (about 2 miles), stopping for a pumpkin pie on the way back. We ate half of it that night just the two of us. I think she brought me Ugly Betty on DVD too. Having that show to watch really gave me an escape.

6. A couple years ago I called my mom to rant about Mike. I went on and on about how he couldn’t wash dishes and that I’d find them back in the cabinet dirty. It was driving me crazy. This rant was full of hysterics, yelling, tears, the whole bit. I remember sitting in my bedroom talking to her on the phone and she said “honey, you have to pick your battles, maybe you do the dishes etc” my response was “I don’t have many battles to pick so I choose this.” She laughed, said that was true and that it was a good thing. Then she asked “are you sure this is about the dishes? Could this be about something different?” How did she know?? She hit the nail on the head. I really wanted to be engaged and was sad that we weren’t. It was so comforting that she opened up that conversation and just let me cry about not being engaged without judgement.

Do you want to wish my mom a happy birthday?  

You can do so by sharing a memory with your mom. Call, email, text, write, post it on my Facebook wall and tag your mom–wrap it however you want–but let your mom know you’re thinking of her and that that memory means something to you.

Creating lives we love

Posted on by jplatt27

Yesterday I hosted my first vision board party.

While planning this party and waiting for RSVPs to come in, I hoped I would get a good turnout and maybe worried I wouldn’t. But then I reminded myself that the women that everyone that was meant to be here would show up.  And I truly believe that’s what happened.

I had a wonderful group of 7 amazing, beautiful, creative women: two friends from work, my Girls on the Run partner, a friend from high school, a friend that’s dating one of my friends from high school, my little from my sorority, and another friend from college.

We spent the afternoon flipping through magazines and gathering images, words, and phrases that inspired us. Then we each organized our clippings onto poster boards to create a vision for our lives.

This is the first step in creating lives we love.

Each board was different: some were vertical, some horizontal; some all words, some all photos. But each board was beautiful and inspiring, and hopeful in its own way.

As we went around sharing key pieces of our boards, I was so touched by what each woman had to share. I’ve known most of the girls for at least a few years at this point and I was still surprised and inspired by what they included on their boards. It was awesome–as in I was literally in awe of the the women, my friends, that came out. The best version of each woman and what the lives the aspire to have.

My heart was. so. happy. Even recalling this now, my heart is swelling with joy.

Thank you again to the girls that came out to support me. You each have a special place in my heart.

I can’t wait to host my next party. Probably late August or early September!

But who knows…it could be sooner!

I’d love to know:

Have you ever made a vision board?

My Marvelous March {Giveaway winner}

Posted on by jplatt27

The month of March was pretty good to me. Though it was filled with periods of anxiety, mostly it was filled with exciting things and people I love.

We started the month with a visit from Mike’s parents.

I coached my first Girls on the Run practice.

I paid off my credit card.

Daylight savings came.

I spent a week in St. Lucia with my sisters.

I came back and had some time to myself while Mike was in Disney.

I found out that Jess is bringing the Business with Intention Workshop to DC in May and I signed up.

Because I get paid bi-weekly and there were five Fridays in March, I got an extra paycheck this month.

I paid off my first student loan, accelerating my debt snowball.

I spent the last day of the month exploring DC with my sister Chrissy, some of her friends from school, my dad and his girlfriend Debbie.

I hosted my first giveaway!

Giveaway Winner

The winner of How to Cook Everything Vegetarian is Sarah! Please send your mailing address to thingsafterrings@gmail.com.

I’d love to know:

What was good about your March?

Wedding dress laid to rest

Posted on by jplatt27

Picking up my wedding dress from the cleaner was both exciting and emotional.  I’d been wanting to have it back but as we waited while the cleaner fetched my dress I noticed a sample dress in a display box and anxiety hit.  I didn’t want my dress to look like that one sitting on the shelf.  The woman placed the huge box on the counter and pulled my preserved dress out of the box.  Emotions swelled from my heart and tears welled in my eyes.  Oh no.  That’s my dress in a coffin,  I thought.  It’s stuffed and stiff and untouchable when all I want to do is cuddle up in my bed with it.  Hug it.  See it hanging and free flowing so I can lay in bed and admire it like I did the day after my wedding, day dreaming about that happy spring day.  I want it to have life in it. But instead it’s stuffed with dry white tissue paper and laid to rest behind this clear plastic cover.

For some reason it would feel a lot better if it were just in a plain old dry cleaner bag, hanging in the back of my closet.  I could touch it or see it as I get ready for a date or for a random Tuesday of work and say mmm as I think back fondly about how I felt when I wore the dress: so beautiful, joyful, full of love. So alive. I’m sure it would yellow just the same and after a while I probably wouldn’t even see it anymore. It would become another belonging in my closet that I pay no mind to. But for now, more than anything, I want it back.

The logical part of me thinks I should just keep in the closet at my Dad’s house since we don’t really have room for it here. The emotional part of me imagines myself sitting on the floor of our living room, arms spread wide and cheek resting on the big white cardboard box crying and crying.

The rational part of me knows that I won’t wear it again, that maybe I should sell it and use the money toward another dream: paying down my student debt. The romantic part of me sees this as the symbol of the day I dreamed of for so long.  A dream that has come and gone.

Happy Birthday, Chrissy!

Posted on by jplatt27

Monday lunch at Bobby's Burger Palace

Walking back to my office after our last Monday lunch, I had tears in my eyes.  I was so looking forward to Chrissy’s semester in DC and it was amazing to have her here and to see her so regularly. It came and went so quickly and I was so sad to see her go.

I wasn’t the only one sad to see Chrissy leave DC.  Colleagues from her internship sang her praises, filled cards with accolades and shed a few tears over goodbye drinks.

That’s how awesome Chrissy is and the effect she has on people around her.

Chrissy is caring, smart, determined, and passionate. She’ll tell it like it is because she wants the best for the people around her.  She is a loyal friend, and a great listener and confidante. She is an all-around beautiful person and I am lucky to have her as a sister and proud to call her my friend.

               Even pretty while riding a Segway

Happy Birthday, Chrissy! I love you!

Happy hearts and happy bellies

Posted on by jplatt27

Sitting across from my best friends at breakfast Sunday morning, I’m struck by how beautiful they all are and how lucky I am to have them in my life. Yes, they are all pretty women, I’ve always known that. But over the past year or so I’ve realized that my friends are all around beautiful people: they are strong, smart, funny, kind, driven, loyal, caring, comforting people and my life wouldn’t be the same without them in it.

In high school and through college I think I took my friends for granted–often opting to spend time Mike and his friends instead of my girlfriends.  It’s not until I graduated from college and moved away from them all that I realized how precious friendships are, how much girlfriends add to your life.

We had an amazing weekend together.  Planned about a month ago to celebrate Jordyn’s birthday and her return to the east coast (she moved from LA to DC in January), we were all so looking forward to the girl time. We each had our own reasons for looking forward to the trip, and I think it was exactly what we needed.

The girls got to DC on Friday night and the grown-up slumber party began with dinner at my apartment. (I made this.) Having us all around my kitchen table was a bit surreal. If it was in a movie a slow happy song would play as the camera slowly pans over each of our faces as we smile, throw our heads back in laughter, and raise our glasses for a toast. It’s crazy to think that we’re all adults now and our conversations focus on work, serious relationships, being moms some day, finances, goals, and dreams.

Saturday morning my living room was covered in air mattresses, blankets, and luggage just like my bedroom was in middle school when these slumber parties began. I made my favorite pancakes and we went to my favorite yoga class. We got back around lunchtime and Mike made us all homemade pizza. Then we just veged in our gym clothes for the afternoon, read magazines, books, took naps, watched a movie. Because we really didn’t have to do anything.  We just wanted to be together. 

We put ourselves together on Saturday night for a night out on the town. We had an 8 o’clock reservation at Zaytinya and after two sketchy cab rides we all arrived at our destination. We shared a few carafes of the Pom Fili (white wine, vodka, and pomegranate juice) and sampled a lot of menu items: salads, fritters, spreads, meats. We left dinner with happy hearts and happy bellies.

Tina, Jordyn, me, Leslie, Bridget

Next, we headed to POV at the W Hotel just a quick walk away from the restaurant.  We felt pretty baller walking in and when we got to our table I was so excited we were there.  POV, the rooftop bar, is one of my favorite places in the city and I’d been wanting to take girlfriends there for a while.

Unfortunately, our stay was short-lived.  As we began ordering our first drinks, the server said “did anyone tell you about the policy?” “No,” we said, “what policy?” “It’s a $50 per person minimum or you have to do bottle service.” WHAT?!?! Since we were all pretty full and not wanting to spend $60 on drinks alone, we left our table and headed back to my neighborhood. We had a drink at a neighborhood bar before coming back to my apartment, making Pillsbury cinnamon buns, and going to bed.

And so quickly it was Sunday morning.  Of course, I had to take my friends to my favorite breakfast place: Open City in Woodley Park. As we chat over coffee, I get a bit emotional at the joy of the experience and wish that I could be surrounded by these girls all the time.  These are girls I’ve liked since middle school but have come to truly admire in the past few years.  Luckily, the conversation quickly turns to when we can have another weekend like this and we brainstorm places we can travel together.

As I gave them hugs at the train station, I had to fight back tears.  I really hate to see them go.

Luckily, one’s still here for good and we’re already planning our next girls weekend.

the day after the rings

Posted on by jplatt27

when you’re planning a wedding, there is so much talk about every detail of the day. we make inspiration boards, read magazines, books, and blogs, chat with friends, family members, and co-workers about each decision. but after you’ve picked your dress, your first dance song, hors d’oeuvres, readings, favors, bridesmaid dresses, flowers, your honeymoon destination, etc, that’s where it ends.  no one talks about what happens after the wedding. probably because it’s not that happy. so here’s how it went for me.

i woke up on the morning after my wedding overwhelmed with emotions.  of course, one of them was pure joy. another was love–for my husband, for my family, and for all the friends that came to show us love and support the day before.  another was shock–wow, did that really happen? that amazing day full of love and happiness that i looked forward to for years and thought about for a good portion of every day for 13 months, that happened? another was sadness–sadness that it was all over, sadness that all our friends and family were on their way. i thought that on the morning after our wedding, i wouldn’t want to see anyone.  that i would just want to sit in bliss with my husband.  but no, i wanted them all back with us. to talk about the wedding, to laugh, to extend the experience just a little bit longer. it was the best day of my life.  and it was behind me.

i spent most of the day crying.  tears came to my eyes as mike and i relived our favorite moments over coffee and bagels.  i was tearing up while texting my mom, and reading our cards.  and at other points i laid in our hotel bed and sobbed. part of this was pure exhaustion.  but it was also the release of all the emotions that had built up in the weeks and months leading up to our wedding.

the tears flowed into the first part of our honeymoon. i got emotional in the airport and in the van on the way to our hotel. as the week went on, the tears became less and less frequent.

but it didn’t end there.  over the next week or so, i’ll be writing about similar emotions i’ve experienced since my wedding: coming back to work after my honeymoon, responding to the questions “how was your wedding” and “how is married life,” and how i feel when i hear our first dance song.