Tag: wedding

Bearing Witness

Posted on by Kelsey Leetzow

Standing at a wedding recently, I thought “the only thing I have to do right now, the only purpose for me being here, is to bear witness to this moment. That’s why we’ve been invited here. To sit. To watch. To witness as these two people commit themselves to each other.”

Wow. How powerful is that? I don’t have to do anything. I just have to be here.

I think that’s actually the way it is with a lot of life. Particularly in relationships. You don’t have do anything. I mean of course you do. But one of the biggest things in marriage and in friendship and even in family is being witness to another person’s journey. To his or her life. To watch it and to say I see you.

One of my best friends had a baby recently. Of course, I’ve been putting pressure on myself to take all kinds of food over there since before the baby was even born. I’m sure food would be nice and welcomed. But most of all I think our friends just want to spend time with us. To hang out like we did before the baby. To be around and present while they navigate this new chapter. To bear witness to their journey.

On the flip side, I’ve got a friend going through a break-up. There’s nothing we can do to fix it. To put these two people back together. Sure we can help with some logistical things. We can provide meals or distractions. But more importantly than that it’s being there. We’re here. We see you. We love you. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok.

Every September, I get into a weird funk. I’m super moody and reflective. It’s like a dark night of the soul kind of thing. This weekend I was talking to some girlfriends about it and they were like oh yeah, it’s September already. You’ve gotten like this every September since we’ve known you. They can’t take away the emotional discomfort I feel in September, but them acknowledging and validating my experience — witnessing it — made me feel less alone.
Sometimes in life, you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to fix it, you don’t have to make it better or take it to the next level even. You don’t even have to be the absolute best version of yourself. You just have to be there. To bear witness.

the real process of a wedding

Posted on by jplatt27

All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks – all those sentences that began with “when we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will” – those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe”- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. ~Union by Robert Fulghum, one of our wedding readings

Writing our vows was one of the most powerful things we’ve ever done. It was also one of the scariest.

Vow Ideas

We sat in Starbucks on a Sunday morning, trying to put together the thoughts we had each jotted down separately into promises we’d build our marriage on. It was intense. I remember looking at him and sharing things I’d never said out loud before about what he meant to me and what I hoped for our future.

Trying to articulate something you feel so deeply is tricky.  Opening your heart, really putting yourself out there, even to someone you love so deeply and have known for so long isn’t easy. You feel vulnerable, raw even. Just thinking about this experience I’m getting that “I-don’t-want-to-cry-and-am-holding-back-tears” feeling in my throat. It was more than two years ago.

How often do you actually express what you value as a couple, how you want to love each other, what your hopes are? You don’t really. Many things just go unsaid or assumed.

Whether or not you plan to write and say your own vows in your upcoming wedding, or whether or not you’ve already said “I do,” I think this act of sitting down together to write promises, to share what you love about your relationship and the qualities you want to define your relationship in the long run, is a powerful one. It’s one that may make you feel exposed and vulnerable but one that is really worth it.  It’s an intimate experience that brings you together closer than you’ve been before. It certainly brought us together in a deeper way than ever before.

Talk to me:

Did you/would you write your own vows?

Would you have a conversation with your husband or wife now? If so, what promises would you like you make to your spouse?

 

 

make time to take it all in

Posted on by jplatt27

On my wedding day I woke up about 4:30 or 5 am. I laid in bed for a little while, wrote a line or two in my journal, tried to read or peruse a magazine.  Then I just laid there staring at the wall thinking, which is one of my favorite pastimes. I was excited but I don’t think I was jittery or nervous.  Actually the opposite–I think I was quite at peace.

Around 6, I drove to Starbucks to get a coffee, a muffin and some alone time. The town was quiet, there was no traffic.  I sat at a stop light just because it was red, not because there were other cars that needed to go. There was peace.  The sun was just coming up.

I was one of a few people at Starbucks that Saturday morning.  My order was the same as the day before: tall skim latte, apple bran muffin, grande ice water. I finished one last note and then stared out the window.  There wasn’t much to see.  The Starbucks is in the middle of a shopping center and it was so early that there weren’t even any people to watch, just a near empty parking lot. But to me, on that morning, I saw a beautiful day. A day that would be filled with love and family and friends, and dreams coming true. I probably sent Mike a good morning message telling him how excited I was to marry him.

And the then I drove back to my mom’s. I drove singing along, maybe dancing a bit. The Black Eyed Peas song “Just Can’t Get Enough” was playing and I sang and danced along.

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After pictures, Mike and I took some time to relax and spend time just the two of us before the rush of the reception. We had a blanket set up in the grass and a plate of hors d’oeuvres and drinks brought to us.  It was a beautiful day. I remember sitting, shoes off, looking out over the grounds of the Castle and the feeling the breeze blowing past us.  It was so peaceful and another great opportunity to take in the love and joy of the day.

My morning at Starbucks and the time we spent having a picnic were some of my favorite moments of my wedding day, when I had the opportunity to just take it all in and appreciate the moment.

During our wedding planning Mike and I made a point to schedule down time into the plan so we could relax and enjoy the day a little bit. I’m so glad we did.  It really allowed us to appreciate it all, it slowed the day down a little bit, and gave us a chance to catch our breath and stop and say “isn’t this amazing.”

Thinking about it recently, I think this is something I want to implement in my life going forward.  What’s the point of creating an amazing life if we don’t have time to take it all in while it’s happening?  Sure, it’s nice to look back on things and think about how fun they are.  But I think a little appreciation in the moment can really go a long way.

So I’m scheduling things in now, times that we can plan to slow down and take it all in.  So far, I have a new recipe once a week. I also like naps and laying in bed on weekends just looking out the window and daydreaming.

I’ll share some more ideas once I have them.

What do you like to do to slow down and take it all in?

 

 

 

perfect union

Posted on by jplatt27

I absolutely adore this reading.  I loved it when I read it the first time, I loved it when I heard it on my wedding day and mouthed some of the words to Mike, and I love it now, rereading it and knowing the absolute truth in the words here.

 

Union
by Robert Fulghum

You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way.

All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks – all those sentences that began with “when we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will” – those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe”- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.

The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “you know all those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed–well, I meant it all, every word.”

Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years.  

Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you.

For after these vows, you shall to the world, this- is my husband, this- is my wife.

 

 

*Photo credit: Amanda Kraft Photography

something changed

Posted on by jplatt27

When people ask us “how is married life?” both of us would say “it’s about the same.” And while not many things in our day to day lives have changed since the wedding, something has definitely changed in our relationship.  Though it’s continued to change since our wedding, I think it started before we said I do. I think it started when I said yes.

For the first time we were a team.  Prior to that it was team Mike and I was the head cheerleader and team Jo with Mike as the head cheerleader. We were very much on the same page and supportive of each other’s goals and dreams but for the most part we each did our own thing and came together after.

Planning our wedding was the first major project we ever worked on together in a way that required us to really be a united front. Even searching for an apartment and moving to DC together wasn’t that big of a deal in this sense because that really only involved the two of us. We went and looked at apartments, decided which one we liked best, put money down, and signed a lease. Easy. Peasy.

But planning a wedding is a whole ‘nother ball game.  Though I didn’t realize this when I started planning, our wedding wasn’t only about the two of us. Our parents were major stakeholders in the day as well.  And then we had family, friends, and other guests to worry about too.  And vendors.

All of these people had opinions about our wedding from reception location and the weather to groomsman attire and food. We had to consider what we wanted and work as a team to make our vision come to life while taking into account all the other people and their thoughts. We had to advocate for what we wanted as individuals as well as what we wanted as a couple. And we had to be gracious in turning down other people’s ideas.

This was the first time we interacted as a unit and made decisions together and reported out to our families.  It went from this is what I want or this is what Mike’s up to to this is what we think is best.

There were budgets to balance, updates to give, vendor meetings, orders to place, details to coordinate.  Oh, and vows to write and a ceremony to create and personalize to reflect our values and our love.

This was a pretty cool thing.  It was challenging at times, sure, but it only prepared us for life ahead.

an honor and a privilege

Posted on by jplatt27

One of the best things in life is witnessing, sharing, and celebrating the love and happiness of people that mean the world to you.

I spent the weekend doing just that at my friend Lauren’s wedding. Alongside our best friends from college, I had the privilege to be a bridesmaid and partake in all of the wedding festivities.  It was truly an honor to share this special day with my friend and see the love and joy that surrounded her up close. Thank you, LEM, for this very special experience.

 

PS–I’m guest posting over at Perfection Isn’t Happy today while Emily is on her honeymoon! Check it out!

 

 

Our proposal story

Posted on by jplatt27

Two years ago tomorrow, Mike proposed to me on a beautiful spring day in DC. It was a day I had hoped for, dreamed for, prayed for, for years. He got it exactly right.  Here’s my proposal story.

__________________________

In summer/fall 2009, Mike and I had been having regular date nights every other Wednesday.  We’d alternate who would plan and pay and try to do things we wouldn’t normally do.  We’d text each other on the day of saying where and when to meet.

So when during our last training run for the Cherry Blossom 10-miler, I didn’t think anything of it when Mike said “I think we should pick date night up again.  I have an idea for a place that I thought of last summer but never used.  How about next Wednesday?” I’m pretty sure I was thinking “oh that’s sweet. just keep running…one foot in front of the other…only 7 3/4 miles left to go…damn this hill is tough.”

I will admit that I had quite a few butterflies in my stomach when Wednesday rolled around.  At 10 til 5pm I got a text from Mike that said “At 5 o’clock, head down.  A car will pick you up, the driver will know where to go.” I figured he didn’t get a car service to take me to Ben’s Chili Bowl and thought, this must be it.

At 5:00 I left my office giddy and filled with butterflies.  I had been waiting for this day for a long time.  As I rode through the city in the sleek black car, I looked out the window with tears streaming down my face, trying to take in every detail of the world outside, the flowers, the sunshine, the tourists happily walking through the city.

The driver dropped me off behind the Jefferson Memorial, one of our favorite places in the city.  It was a beautiful sunny spring day as I walked around to the front of the monument crying behind my sunglasses but smiling all at the same time. I’m sure I was shaking.

I turned the corner and saw Mike sitting about half-way up the steps of the Memorial wearing a navy blue suit and carrying a single red rose. He smiled wide when he saw me. I will never forget that sight.

I met him halfway up the steps, he kissed me and said simply “I think you’ve waited long enough.” Then he got down on one knee and said “Will you marry me?”

I said “yes,” he stood up, we kissed, and the tourists starting clapping and cheering around us.

Our date night didn’t end there.  Mike had arranged for the car to wait for us and we got back in the car and went over to POV Terrace at the W Hotel for a bottle of champagne and celebrating.

Wedding dress laid to rest

Posted on by jplatt27

Picking up my wedding dress from the cleaner was both exciting and emotional.  I’d been wanting to have it back but as we waited while the cleaner fetched my dress I noticed a sample dress in a display box and anxiety hit.  I didn’t want my dress to look like that one sitting on the shelf.  The woman placed the huge box on the counter and pulled my preserved dress out of the box.  Emotions swelled from my heart and tears welled in my eyes.  Oh no.  That’s my dress in a coffin,  I thought.  It’s stuffed and stiff and untouchable when all I want to do is cuddle up in my bed with it.  Hug it.  See it hanging and free flowing so I can lay in bed and admire it like I did the day after my wedding, day dreaming about that happy spring day.  I want it to have life in it. But instead it’s stuffed with dry white tissue paper and laid to rest behind this clear plastic cover.

For some reason it would feel a lot better if it were just in a plain old dry cleaner bag, hanging in the back of my closet.  I could touch it or see it as I get ready for a date or for a random Tuesday of work and say mmm as I think back fondly about how I felt when I wore the dress: so beautiful, joyful, full of love. So alive. I’m sure it would yellow just the same and after a while I probably wouldn’t even see it anymore. It would become another belonging in my closet that I pay no mind to. But for now, more than anything, I want it back.

The logical part of me thinks I should just keep in the closet at my Dad’s house since we don’t really have room for it here. The emotional part of me imagines myself sitting on the floor of our living room, arms spread wide and cheek resting on the big white cardboard box crying and crying.

The rational part of me knows that I won’t wear it again, that maybe I should sell it and use the money toward another dream: paying down my student debt. The romantic part of me sees this as the symbol of the day I dreamed of for so long.  A dream that has come and gone.

the day after the rings

Posted on by jplatt27

when you’re planning a wedding, there is so much talk about every detail of the day. we make inspiration boards, read magazines, books, and blogs, chat with friends, family members, and co-workers about each decision. but after you’ve picked your dress, your first dance song, hors d’oeuvres, readings, favors, bridesmaid dresses, flowers, your honeymoon destination, etc, that’s where it ends.  no one talks about what happens after the wedding. probably because it’s not that happy. so here’s how it went for me.

i woke up on the morning after my wedding overwhelmed with emotions.  of course, one of them was pure joy. another was love–for my husband, for my family, and for all the friends that came to show us love and support the day before.  another was shock–wow, did that really happen? that amazing day full of love and happiness that i looked forward to for years and thought about for a good portion of every day for 13 months, that happened? another was sadness–sadness that it was all over, sadness that all our friends and family were on their way. i thought that on the morning after our wedding, i wouldn’t want to see anyone.  that i would just want to sit in bliss with my husband.  but no, i wanted them all back with us. to talk about the wedding, to laugh, to extend the experience just a little bit longer. it was the best day of my life.  and it was behind me.

i spent most of the day crying.  tears came to my eyes as mike and i relived our favorite moments over coffee and bagels.  i was tearing up while texting my mom, and reading our cards.  and at other points i laid in our hotel bed and sobbed. part of this was pure exhaustion.  but it was also the release of all the emotions that had built up in the weeks and months leading up to our wedding.

the tears flowed into the first part of our honeymoon. i got emotional in the airport and in the van on the way to our hotel. as the week went on, the tears became less and less frequent.

but it didn’t end there.  over the next week or so, i’ll be writing about similar emotions i’ve experienced since my wedding: coming back to work after my honeymoon, responding to the questions “how was your wedding” and “how is married life,” and how i feel when i hear our first dance song.