Author: jplatt27

Why I’m loving winter this year

Posted on by jplatt27

I’m loving winter this year. Absolutely loving it.

I’ve been resting a whole bunch and making soups. Burning two holiday scented candles at one time because it feels good and I often can’t decide which scent I want.

I’ve been loving winter because it totally jives with who I am. Winter calls for us to slow way down and to go in. To be reflective and quiet.

Last night it was pitch black when I got home from work at 5:40. Pitch black like it was 9pm. I put on an episode of the The Crown my new favorite Netflix show. I was ready for a nap 20 minutes in. I had just woken up when Mike walked in. We made and ate dinner together, settled in for an episode of The Affair, and I went to bed shortly after it was over. (Winter really jives with my natural inclination to go to bed at 9pm and sleep for 8 hours.)

Now, it’s before 6am and I’m sitting here, writing, in front of the Christmas tree and a pine scented candle burning.

There’s something about the dark that is just so cozy. It says rest. Be as you are. Don’t push too much. Don’t strive too hard.

I guess I’m liking winter because it feels like me.

I can get so caught up in the go-go-go. In the do more, be more. The long light days of summer encourage that. That really jives with part of me, but it also riles up my inner critic like nobody’s business. And that doesn’t feel good at all.

There’s something about winter that quiets my inner critic and allows my intuition to come in. I think I’ve just hit this sweet spot of how much I want to do/feel inclined to do and how appropriate that is. It’s just the most beautiful thing. I feel protected I guess. And more than anything else, one of our most basic needs is a feeling of safety. Winter has brought me that this season. And it’s just the most comforting thing.

I know it won’t last. That March and daylight savings will be here before we know it. So I’m going to savor these days, continuing to sink into rest and deep relaxation and going with the flow.

At least until December 23rd…

I hope you’ll find some time to savor between now and the end of the year. That you can find some solace from your inner critic in these short cozy days.

Sending love and peace your way,

Yelling about carrots

Posted on by jplatt27

My husband threw my carrots away yesterday.

Yes, my carrots. We’ve been doing “his-and-hers” meal plan since the beginning of the year where we’re each responsible for our own meals. It’s awesome actually and I should probably write an essay about how great it’s been. But yes, my carrots.

Anyway, those were the carrots that I’d planned to use in my “what-I’ve-got-in-the-fridge” mason jar salads for lunch this week and when I went in the drawer and they weren’t there, I was not pleased.

“Did you throw my carrots away?” I said to my husband, knowing the answer is yes. He was sitting on the couch facing the kitchen and had this “ooo, yep, oops, sorry” look on his face.

I was pissed. And I let him have it. I raised my voice, yelling about the carrots and why did you have to throw away my carrots, they were good, I just bought them last week and you left the old carrots in there and why didn’t you throw away YOUR leftovers. You’ve got old turkey and green beans in there. I pulled out said turkey and green beans and put them on the counter. I was huffing and puffing and banging things.

It. felt. awesome. As the words were coming out of my mouth I felt so powerful. Slightly bad that I was yelling over carrots but also so good and so powerful because I was honoring my anger. Allowing it to be ok. My. anger. I felt super grounded in this booming voice that was coming out of me. I was cognizant of it and what I was doing, I was not at the affect of it.

Shortly into the banging Mike went into the bedroom and closed the door. I didn’t care. I could tell he wasn’t getting triggered, wasn’t taking it personally. He was simply getting away from my yelling. Good for him. He doesn’t need to sit there and listen to me scream and bang things around. I felt kind of bad that I let him have it but also not.

After a few minutes I went in the bedroom and got in bed next to him as a “I still love you, rant over” peace offering and it was all fine.

This whole thing lasted for about 10 minutes but it’s left a lasting impression on me. What I take away most from this experience was how good my anger felt and how cathartic it was to own it and let it be. Also, that I was angry, expressed that, and it wasn’t damaging or scary. I should note here that I’m really lucky that this crazy yelling didn’t trigger my husband. Things may have gone very differently if it did.

So this begs two questions:

1) how can I continue to own my anger and express it in the future?

2) how can I react similar to how Mike reacted? Not scared by anger and not taking it personally.

 

Something to note: In my yelling, I didn’t make any accusations about Mike as a person. I was simply yelling about the action of the carrots being thrown away. We’ve learned in our marriage not to use absolutes like “you always” or “you never” in arguments and we don’t attack the person’s character.

 

Here’s another post about things a significant other might do and how to handle them.

Feelings, a manifesto

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I am a feeler. I feel all the things, all the time.

One of my first deeply emotional memories was a mix of happy and sad. My family was on vacation and we, all seven of us, were riding in a surry, a golfcart size thing that is peddled like a bike, happily peddling and riding along all together. I remember being so happy and then an instant later really really sad. A voice popped into my head “it won’t always be this way.” I wondered if my intuition knew that my parents would get divorced at some point, but now I realize that I was just having a very normal reaction to deep joy.

I’m a crier too. Happy tears, mad tears, sad tears. I’ve cried them all.

I recently got teary in a staff meeting at work when I was presenting to our division on the success of a big project I led.

When I was a teacher, I cried in front of my class one day because my kids were working in groups and it was just so great and special.

Last month, I started bawling at a Carrie Underwood concert when she sang a song that always gets me. When she sang the lyrics “with your daddy’s eye, what a sweet surprise” I started sobbing, head in my hands, leaned over and my friend started rubbing my back in comfort and then pulled me into her arms and told me people were staring.

I’ve cried during yoga classes and during the street-brawl punch move in Body Combat.

I almost lost my shit about a project at work in the fall. I was ranting and raving to a colleague when we took a walk to get coffee and was so distracted by my anger about how stupid this project was and how frustrated I was that I didn’t know how to make the changes to the art in Photoshop that I almost left the coffee shop without paying.

I cried in church all the time as a kid. If I didn’t cry during mass, I likely cried in the car on the way home.

When my family dropped me off at college, oh my god, there were so. many. tears.

To be honest, I love all of this. I love feeling so deeply and I love crying. I wasn’t always comfortable with my very intense feelings, and honestly, I’m still working on owning some of the more negative ones.

Overall though, I’ve learned that my emotions can be a gift to the world. I hope they are. I hope that in sharing my experiences and my feelings that others feel permission to feel theirs as well.

be where you are

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I’ve written before about being where you are. About the power of being in the moment that you’re in.

It hit me recently that this applies to life too.

We can get so caught up worrying about or looking forward to the next thing. The next phase. When will we get there? How will we get there? Why aren’t we there yet?

For me, this has shown up as when will I find my dream job? When will we get married? When will we have enough money to buy a house? Where should we buy said house? When will we have kids? And on and on and on.

But here’s the thing…life is good now. Without the future things, life is still good. And in all the seasons before now when I worried about the next thing, life was good. Filled with good people and good things and opportunities to learn and grow. Things that will prepare us for the next season and others that may not be available to us when we get there.

And in worrying about when we should have a baby and stressing about when we’ll be able to buy a house and where it should be when that time comes, we miss this season and all the good things in it.

They say “life is what happens when you’re busy planning.” So, be where you are. No matter the season, be where you are. Enjoy its goodness. Relish in the little things, and the big things, that are good right now. 

 

 

A note on boundaries

Posted on by jplatt27
I’ve never had strong boundaries. Never really knew what my boundaries were until someone stepped over them and I didn’t like it. (Those people/experiences are gifts because they pointed out one of my boundaries.) Through coaching I realized that I have a boundary issue. Issue might be a strong word but boundaries are something I could work on, a muscle I can build.
So when Caroline recommended this book about boundaries I ordered it immediately. There are so many great nuggets of wisdom in here but there’s one in particular I’ve been thinking about since.
A big part of boundaries is taking responsibility for what you’re responsible for and letting other people take responsibility for what they are responsible for. 
Woah. That blew my mind.
I often feel the weight of the world on my shoulders – feeling solely responsible for an entire project at work or like I’ve got to make things happen with family or friends – so this was a HUGE ah-ha moment for me. I’ve been trying to remind myself of this since and when I do, it lifts a little bit of weight off of me.
I hope it’s a good reminder for you too so I’ll say it again.
A big part of boundaries is taking responsibility for what you’re responsible for and letting other people take responsibility for what they are responsible for. 

Not a doormat: a lesson from the security guard

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I think I’ve got a package downstairs.

I don’t know if I’ve got a package downstairs because the security guard won’t tell me (and because I accidentally typed @gmail.con instead of @gmail.com so I can’t track my package but that’s neither here nor there).

The security guard won’t tell me if I have a package downstairs.

Is there a package for 604? I ask.

From today?

Yes. 

I don’t know, I’m still in the middle of it.

Well, can you tell me while I’m standing here?

No, because I’m in the middle of it and I’d have to put all of the packages before yours. 

{blank look at this point? I’m not sure how I respond exactly.}

You can come back in 20 minutes and I’ll be done then and I’ll know.

{Now I know that I’ve got a blank look on my face – the one that my mom would call “that dumb look” – which is like a jaw-dropped look that says “huh? I’m not sure I can comprehend what you’re saying” as I look at the clock on the wall and wonder will I be free in 20 minutes? and is there another way I can respond here?}

And while I’m both super annoyed, and kind of flabberghasted, I’ve got to respect this man.

Because he can do something that I can’t am not great at.

Say no.

Without apology.

Set boundaries.

Clearly.

And without giving two craps about what I think about him.

Wow. How can I do that?

How can I take a page out of this guy’s book and set limits and procedures and stick with them regardless of what other people think?

How can I stand my ground like that?

Wow.

I’m not sure at this point. I’m really not. But at least this gives me a model to work with. An example I can think of whenever someone asks me to do something. Even if I don’t act on it right now, I can start by thinking “how can I apply what he said, and how clearly and with authority he said it? what would that look like in this situation?” That would be a good start I think.

Talk about the opposite of a doormat. My goodness.

Question:

Who’s modeled something for you recently? What did you learn?

link love

Posted on by jplatt27

Happy Weekend! Here are some links for your weekend reading – curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee or tea, I hope. Enjoy!

A colleague shared this article about the book/author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. And when two other people recommended it in the next two days, I went out and bought it. Totally up my alley.

Had a hard time deciding between these two wallpapers.

The myth of the dream job

Exhaustion is not a status symbol

The perfect way to introduce yourself

Three posts from A Cup of Jo:

  1. definitely going to use this idea to help plan our weekly menu
  2. I love her beauty uniform posts but this one in particular stood out to me
  3. I really want to discuss this post

I really enjoyed this podcast episode – listened to most of it during jury duty this week

In case you missed it:
motherhood, someday (one of the most vulnerable things I’ve posted in a while)
what i learned from a headache

 

motherhood, someday

Posted on by jplatt27

I’m going to throw myself into motherhood someday. I’m going to read all the books, cut all of the orange slices, kiss all the boo-boos. Someday.

But not for a little while.

It’s a big deal for me to say this. Feels like a huge admission. This is one of my biggest “shoulds.”

I always thought I’d have a baby around 27. We’ve been married for three years — shouldn’t we want to have a baby?

Until last week* I hadn’t admitted, hadn’t realized, that I don’t want a baby right now. Mike has said “a few years” to the baby question for a while now and so I just said “we’re not having a baby because Mike doesn’t want to have a baby.”

But the truth is it’s not what I want right now. And that’s ok.

It’s ok…that we said we’d have a baby by 30 and now we probably won’t.

It’s ok…that I’d like to be debt free before we start a family. (That may or may not happen.)

It’s ok…that I want to enjoy experiencing my best self for a while.

It’s ok…that I want to indulge in just the two of us for a while longer.

It’s ok. All of it is ok.

 

*I wrote this post in my journal last spring…but just got the guts now to publish it.

What I learned from a headache

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A couple weeks ago, I was in a funk. For three days, I woke up tired and throughout the day had no motivation. “I don’t feel like doing anything” kept running through my head. And each afternoon, I got a headache. On my way to CVS to get some Advil, I thought “I just want to take a nap right now. I want to go home and go to bed.” And then I thought “I’m just going to empower myself to do that. I’m going to use some sick time and go home and rest. My body obviously needs that.”

I got home and climbed into bed for a nap. I thought about turning on the TV while I fell asleep but something told me not to. That I didn’t need the mental clutter and noise. That I just needed to be.

Within two minutes of my head hitting the pillow, I had a realization. There was something at work that was really frustrating me. It had been bothering me since earlier in the week but I didn’t know that consciously. It wasn’t until I started telling Mike about it that I realized how much this was affecting me — and my performance. The next day, I woke up like my usual self, energetic and ready to take on the day. And I had a conversation with my boss about what was bothering me and I felt so much better.

I share this story for two reasons:

1. You’ve got to listen to your body. You are the only one that can feel your body and hear your intuition. It’s up to you act on those messages. You can discern when it’s a “take-some-Advil-and-go-through-your day” kind of thing or  it’s a “stop, listen, or this will just continue” kind of thing. But only you can discern that. So you’ve got to listen and you’ve got to act. Which brings me to my next point…

2. Sometimes you’ve got to empower yourself and give yourself what you need.  Your boss isn’t going to say “I can tell your head hurts and that you’re in a funk” go home and take a nap. No. You need to decide that for yourself and give yourself permission to do what you need to do.

If I wouldn’t have taken that three hours off, I could’ve been stuck in that negative energy (and the corresponding physical symptoms) for a while — impacting both myself, my team, and my work.

Something I love to do

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I love taking myself on lunch dates. Especially during the work day. Sit down. Relax. Read a book or blogs on my phone. Look around. Write. Think. Just be. Peaceful. Away from the computer.

Lunch date

A couple months ago when I first started my new job*, I went to a small Italian pizza place down the street from my office. I could’ve gotten it to go but decided to sit for a while and enjoy the time out of the office. I ordered an eggplant parm panini and while I waited for it to arrive I jotted down some ideas in a notebook, read blogs on my phone, and just looked around. It was so relaxing. I’ve been thinking about that sandwich ever since. It probably wasn’t anything to write home about but the experience of just taking a nice break to decompress and regroup made it feel so luxurious and special.

I’m not one that has super strong beliefs or opinions on things but if there’s one thing I really believe in, it’s lunch. And taking a real legitimate break to enjoy it.

 

 

*I started a new job in November. Still in university fundraising in DC but managing a small team. It’s going really really well!
**Pictured above: lunch from my most recent date with myself at a bakery near my office. A few “salads” and a butternut squash soup.