Category: Married Life

mike’s unemployment

Posted on by jplatt27

“I know that some day soon I’ll be greeting you with a kiss as you walk in the door after work. I am so looking forward to that day as I know you are too.  In the meantime, know that I love you and am just as proud of you as I’ve always been.” —note from me to Mike, 3/3/11

In November of 2010, Mike’s boss lost the election and with it, Mike and his colleagues lost their jobs.

Our wedding was just 6 months away.

This was not completely unexpected.  There are elections every two years for Congress and this particular election cycle was going to be a tough one for Democrats.  But, Mike’s boss had been in office for longer than we’d been alive at that point, winning 13 consecutive terms.

They packed up the office, finished the term working from makeshift cubes in House cafeteria, and on January 3, 2011, Mike was officially unemployed.

There’s nothing like filing for unemployment to tell you welcome to the real world.

Of course this was a difficult time for Mike.  He wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do next and staying on the Hill wasn’t a promising option as Democrat staffer jobs were few and far between. He was very diligent about applying for jobs and recording everything to collect unemployment.  But he got kind of down.

This was hard for me too. I did my best to support him, to be encouraging but also allowing him to feel down. I knew he wasn’t happy about not having a job and was doing his best to find something quickly, he didn’t need me to add to that.  I tried to be strong.  But this really sucked.

Finally, I think I said that to him. This really sucks. And it was pretty freeing for both of us.  Admitting this to each other felt good.  It allowed us to be a little vulnerable with each other. And brought us together as a team. It helped us move forward.

 

 

10 years

Posted on by jplatt27

Yesterday marked 10 years together!

We Mike remembered our old anniversary yesterday morning and we hugged and wished each other a happy anniversary.

Then around lunch time Mike texted:

Today is our 10 year anniversary!

Wow!  I didn’t even realize.  It stopped me in my tracks and reminded me how grateful I am for our relationship.

We didn’t do much, anything really, to celebrate the day. We just acknowledged it as special.

And I came home to these flowers on the coffee table.

Simple, sweet, wonderful.

a tip for men: 3 words

Posted on by jplatt27

A lot of times when we’re complaining about something, we don’t want a solution.  We don’t want to figure it out. Sometimes we do, sure.

But most times, we want to hear a simple phrase. Just three simple words will stop us in our complaining tracks.

Here they are:

Wow, that sucks.

Yep, that’s it.

Wow, that sucks.

 

Ladies–feel free to send this post to your SO.

Guys–try it and report back.

 

[two questions] chit chat

Posted on by jplatt27

What are the most used words or phrases in your home?

Thank you–I noticed about a year ago how often we say thank you to each other.  It’s not something conscious but I like that we do this. Some may argue that we overdo it on the thank you’s but we think it’s just right.

I love you

Look. at. that. This one is common while we’re cooking.  I didn’t realize how often I would say this until we were cooking one night and Mike was like “go ahead, say it.” “Say what?” I asked.  “Look at that.”  Now every time I say it, I notice. I say it pretty much every step of the way while we’re cooking something new.

Good idea by you This phrase comes out when someone chooses a good restaurant or recipe, a plan that works out, etc.

How do you talk to each other?

Usually pretty nicely. (see above).

We also have this weird language we’ve developed over the years full of words that we’ve made up or begun to overuse. For example, we sometimes call Chipotle by a different name that I can’t really share here because I don’t know how it would be spelled.  It starts with Shh and rhymes with Chipotle.

 

So, what about you? Common phrases you use with your significant other?

i can't believe it

Posted on by jplatt27

I can’t believe it! My husband can not read my mind.

Things I’ve been thinking about for a while, he doesn’t know.

Things I’ve been thinking about over and over and over again, he’s hearing for the first time.  Woah.

It’s like if I don’t say it, he doesn’t know it.

But he’s my husband–shouldn’t he know these things?

I mean we sleep next to each other, we share a bed–how can he not know what I like, what’s got me stressed, what I’m most interested in at the moment? How can he not know when I’m totally at peace, when I’m full of anxiety, or when I’m experiencing pure bliss?

I don’t get it.

But, then again, I can’t read his mind either.

an early Christmas present for my husband

Posted on by jplatt27

We hit quite a bit of traffic on our way home for Christmas. Mike is a pretty even-keeled person, doesn’t really get worked up about things. But when it comes to traffic–not so much. He gets super grumpy and frustrated by it. He’ll start huffing and puffing, throwing his head back, you get the idea.

I don’t think we’d even hit Baltimore before I heard this comment: “Yep, time for more traffic, it’s been 5 minutes since we were sitting in traffic, it’s time.”  It was going to be a long ride.

Of course, I didn’t want to start my Christmas vacation on a grumpy mood and Mike didn’t either–we’d planned to take our time on Saturday morning and go to our favorite coffee shop before hitting the road.  I perused the bookstore for a few minutes on our way out (one of my favorite activities) and found three gifts!  Then, I was ready for a nice leisurely drive.

Then traffic hit.  I could feel Mike getting irritated as we crawled along.

And then it hit me: just because he’s grumpy doesn’t mean I have to be grumpy.  I can sit back and enjoy the ride–regardless of how fast or how slow we’re moving. So I did. I relaxed into my seat and into my thoughts and looked out the window.

I enjoyed the ride.  I really did.  I was so proud of myself for not taking on his mood.  I have a tendency to pick up other people’s energy but with that realization comes the power to make a different choice.  So I did.

Getting grumpy because Mike’s grumpy not only sours my mood, it doesn’t help Mike either. You know what they say “happy wife, happy life.” So I decided to be content, at peace even in the traffic and even with grumpy-pants sitting next to me, and decided to let Mike be in his mood–not trying to change it or tell him why it was silly. That’s like a double early Christmas present if you ask me.

 

 

hello 2013

Posted on by jplatt27

The past two days have been just what we needed. After 9 jam packed days in PA, we needed these two days to decompress and do our own thing.

Both days consisted of breakfast out, shopping, relaxing, napping, straightening our apartment, and more relaxing.  We had nothing to do and no schedule, just kind of did what we felt like when we felt like it.

Though not nearly as intense as last year we continued some beginning of the year rituals–we did a little organizing and purging and had a mini-budget conversation.

We capped off our break and began the new year with one of our favorite meals. (This is tonight’s dinner–last night we ordered Chinese.)

I’m looking forward 2013 and all the new year brings. Cheers!

Talk to me:

How did you start your year?

Thanksgiving: out with the old, in with the new

Posted on by jplatt27

We’re doing something new this Thanksgiving! Can you tell I’m excited??

Since our parents live 10 mins apart, Mike and I have done a double thanksgiving for the last few years, eating at his parents’ at 1 and my dad’s at 4 or 5. Yeah, it’s a lot.

I had complained in years past how it’s a lot of food and my stomach hurts just thinking about it. Which remains true. But last year I realized how lucky we are that we don’t have to choose. That we are able to see both families at the holidays.

None of the above has changed. My stomach still hurts thinking about a double Thanksgiving and we are still lucky that we don’t have to choose and can see both families at the holidays.

But Thanksgiving shouldn’t be about portion control or keeping your eye on the clock. Thanksgiving is about sharing a delicious meal and quality time with people you love.  And we don’t have to see both families or eat two meals on Thanksgiving to honor this holiday.

Here’s what I want to do on Thanksgiving: eat and drink to my heart’s delight, move to the couch for the infamous turkey nap, and wake up to have more pie.

So the double Thanksgiving ends this year.

I decided we will eat at Mike’s parents’ house and take our time. Maybe we’ll make our way over to my dad’s or my mom’s later in the evening–maybe we won’t.  Regardless, we’ll make sure we spend time with everyone we love over this nice long weekend.

marriage myth buster

Posted on by jplatt27

I’m reading The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and I can already tell this is going to be a great read.

In the first chapter he explores myths about marriage.  I’m happy to share that I am a real life example of a myth buster.

Here’s the myth:

Neuroses or personality problems ruin marriages. p. 13

I’m not sure exactly how much of my crazy has come through on the blog but I can be a little nuts and sometimes a lot to handle.  Luckily, this isn’t keeping me from having a happy and healthy relationship.  And Gottman agrees that a little crazy doesn’t have to ruin a marriage or prevent you from having one.

“The point is that neuroses don’t have to ruin a marriage. What matters is how you deal with them. If you can accommodate each other’s strange side and handle it with caring, affection, and respect, your marriage can thrive.”  –p. 14

When I read that in line to vote yesterday, I was like “yes! so true!” and showed it to Mike.

Talk to me:

How does your significant other handle your crazy? Mike handles my crazy with patience and love and by giving me space to feel whatever it is I’m feeling. 

How do you respond to his with caring, affection, and respect? I think I’m a little stumped by my own question, to be honest.  Again, I think it’s through space and listening. 

a new kind of saturday

Posted on by jplatt27

Free Saturdays are few and far between for us so when we have one, we almost don’t know what to do with ourselves.

That’s what happened this Saturday.  We woke up late (about 9:30) and moved to the couch for Scandal and a sub-par batch of our go-to pancakes.  Great start to the day.

But then what?

“What should we do today?” we kept asking each other.

Should we go for a hike? Go bike riding? How about a trip to the Newseum? We threw out a bunch of ideas, none of which had any excitement behind them. We couldn’t even decide where we wanted to go for lunch.

Finally I was like let’s just relax for a little bit and we’ll make a move when we’re ready to make a move.  It’s clear we don’t know what we want to do and everything just seems a little forced.

So we hung out around the apartment. We straightened up a little bit, got back in bed for a little bit, and then I showered and spent time doing my hair.

Around 1:30 we left our apartment to get lunch outside at Open City. It was a gorgeous fall day and we sat outside chatting over coffee and breakfast food.

It was so nice to just sit and chat, really chat. Quality time has been a little sparse the last two weeks and I found myself loving the time, just the two of us, nothing to do but enjoy each other’s company.

From there we went to the grocery store (boo-yah for getting that done early in the weekend) and came back to relax before heading out to dinner.

I love this kind of Saturday.  It’s almost the opposite of my other favorite way to spend a free Saturday: get up; go for coffee, a bagel, and some reading at my favorite coffee shop/bookstore; head to yoga; come home and relax. I love being a morning person and heading out before the hustle and bustle of the day.

But there’s also something to be said for just going with the flow.  In just doing what you feel like doing, when you feel like doing it.  Not because you feel like you should do something just because you can or because it’s a cool thing to do.  No, if you don’t feel like it, don’t.

We’ll see what type of Saturday we feel like when we wake up on our next free one in two weeks. I’m going to remember the joy we had in this type of Saturday and not put pressure on myself to do something just for the sake of doing something.

How do you like to spend a Saturday? Do you feel pressure to go-go-go or are you more go with the flow?