Category: Married Life

A "we're married" moment

Posted on by jplatt27

Last week, a colleague asked “have you had any ‘wow, we’re married‘ moments?”

“Hmm,” I thought, “no, I don’t think so.  None that I can really remember.”

And then, a night or two later, I had one.

I had gone to bed at 7:22pm because I wasn’t feeling well and was tired from a bachelorette party the weekend before. At 8:30pm I wake up to a crash and Mike screaming profanity.

I run to the kitchen to see what’s happened.  Mike is standing at the sink holding a bleeding pinky. There’s a broken wine glass in the sink.

I stepped in to clean up the glass and finish the rest of the dishes.

I felt terrible.

Earlier that night, I started doing the dishes but I was so tired, I didn’t finish.  The now-broken wine glass was sitting on the sink waiting to be washed but I stopped right before getting to the wine glass.  If I had taken 30 seconds to wash that wine glass, Mike wouldn’t have cut his finger.

As I finished the dishes, feeling guilty and made at myself, and knowing that Mike was probably mad at me and blamed me for his injury, I thought “yep, I feel married.” 

I apologized to Mike a lot saying that it was my fault he hurt this finger.  He assured me that it wasn’t my fault.

The next morning Mike admitted that while he was doing the dishes and just seconds before the glass broke, he was mad at me.

how we celebrated one year

Posted on by jplatt27

We had an amazing three day weekend for our anniversary.

Here’s what we did during the weekend to celebrate:

Saturday morning we got up and got bagels at Bethesda Bagel in Dupont Circle. Best bagels in the city and amazing veggie cream cheese.

Then we drove out to Great Falls, Virginia for a hike.  I teared up when we got our first look at the falls.  We chose to hike the River Trail, a little bit of a rocky terrain right along the Potomac River. It was amazing. We hiked a bit on our honeymoon and this took us back there a bit.

Saturday night we went to the steakhouse at the W (we went there the night we got engaged too!). We were treated so well. The food was outstanding and the service matched it. I got a delicious drink–passion whiskey sour–went out of my comfort zone a little bit with this one and it was so worth it. Mike said this was one of the top three meals of his life.

After dinner, we went to the rooftop terrace at the W for a drink and to take in the view.  Still one of our favorite places in DC.

Monday morning (our actual anniversary) we walked to Georgetown Cupcake. On your first anniversary you’re supposed to take the top layer of your wedding cake out of the freezer, defrost it, and eat it.  Since we had Georgetown Cupcakes instead of a cake, we went and got a red velvet in lieu of a frozen top layer.

It was a great weekend, filled with love and fun.  A great first anniversary.  I’m looking forward to many many more.

Happy Anniversary, Mike!

one

Posted on by jplatt27

One year ago today I married the love of my life. It was a dream come true for both of us.  I thought it would be the happiest day of my life.  That things couldn’t get better.

Just one year into our marriage and our love is bigger, stronger, and more passionate than ever. I’m actually amazed at how our relationship has changed over the past year.  Since we’ve been together for more than 9 years at this point, I assumed that we knew all there was to know about one another, that our love had gotten as big as it would get. But I was so wrong.

I don’t think either of us could quantify how our feelings have changed, what exactly is different about our relationship but something big changed this year. In a good way.

I look forward to many many more years together and building on the happiness each year will bring.

Check back later to see how we celebrated our anniversary!

 

House-training

Posted on by jplatt27

Can you train your spouse?

I have a co-worker that hates this phrase.  Like, you train a dog, not your loved one. I get what he’s saying. Perhaps this isn’t the most PC way of saying that you encourage your partner to change some habits. But for the sake of this post, when I say training that’s what I mean.

But I do think there is a little bit of training that comes with living with someone. Mike’s learned to put the toilet seat down and to wash dishes thoroughly. This behavior modification goes both ways–it’s not just the woman training the man.

For example: Mike’s trained me to put the butter away when I’m done using it. He’s trained me to wash my lunch container at work instead of waiting until I get home. He’s taught me to lock the door behind me when I get home.

I think this kind of training is good for a relationship.  It shows that you listen and you respect your partner and their seemingly small, inconsequential preferences. You hear them when they share their gripes and work to make sure you avoid things that may drive them crazy. Is it killing Mike to put the toilet seat down? Have I lost a bit of myself because I wash my lunch container at work? No. Not at all. But the payoff is great because in doing these things we’ve removed some irritation from each other’s lives.

Granted, I think you have to pick your battles. You can’t find everything about your partner seriously irritating. And if you find that to be the case, maybe there’s something bigger going on?

Tell me:

What do you think about “training” your spouse?

What habits are you trying to train your S/O on?

What have you been trained to do?

Love during hockey playoffs

Posted on by jplatt27

Playoff hockey season can be challenging for a marriage.  There are games multiple days a week and the stakes of each game are high. Because I’m not a huge Flyers fan, we usually spend this time apart. Between the hockey games and our busy schedules, it’s been particularly hard to find time to spend together in the last few weeks.

However, Mike did a few things during the Flyers playoffs that made me feel really loved. They are seemingly small things but they show thought and care.

During one of the first games, I was really sick and went to bed early.  The Flyers ended up winning against the Penguins (Mike could tell you more about the exact game and exact plays/goals). The next morning I asked if they won or lost and he said they won.  He said he was doing some silent jumping up and down and screaming because he didn’t want to wake me.

A few weeks ago, I had a work event and got home later than usual. I walked into the apartment and Mike was making dinner and music filled the space. I can’t remember what song was playing or what Mike said to me but I remember standing, holding the island with both hands, facing the window, singing and looking out and relishing the moment. Later Mike told me that he wanted to put the game on but didn’t because I deserved to come home and not have the game on in the background. That since it wasn’t even a Flyers game he decided to do without it.

On Thursday last week we sat down to have dinner at the table before the game started.  Knowing that the game started at 7:30, I figured we’d eat quick and Mike would go on to watch the game.  We got caught up chatting and when I looked at my watch it was 7:50.  We moved to the couch and continued talking, maybe even watched an episode of Modern Family.  I was so grateful that he wasn’t itching to turn the game on and made the effort to get some quality time in with me.

I also showed some consideration during playoffs.  Earlier this week, I really wanted to talk to Mike about some next steps. Knowing that he had a paper to finish and the Flyers to watch that night, I texted him and said “Can we chat about coach training tomorrow night?” He appreciated that I recognized the importance of his paper and his desire to watch the game. I appreciated that he noticed that.

Go to bed angry? Or don't?

Posted on by jplatt27

At my bridal shower, guests were able to fill out cards with wedding advice for me.  One of the most listed pieces of advice was “don’t go to bed angry.”

I understand the thought behind this–you want to go to bed every night at peace with your spouse. And why continue the argument the next day if you could resolve it and move on from it so as not to have two unpleasant experiences back to back. It makes sense.

And I think when we were dating I would’ve agreed with this. I wouldn’t have wanted to get off the phone or go to bed mad at him or with him mad at me.  I would’ve wanted to talk it out or fight it out and passionately resolve everything before going to sleep.

While I get this advice in theory, in practice I’m not so sure.

Sometimes going to bed angry can be a good thing.  It can give you time to cool off and collect your thoughts so that you can articulate better your feelings. I’ve found that when I go to bed angry I’ll wake up the next day and it will take me a little while before I remember “oh, I was mad at him last night” and usually the feeling is just gone.

Maybe we don’t have serious enough arguments or do things that make each other angry.

Maybe there’s a difference between angry and annoyed and this advice is for when you’re truly angry.

I asked Mike what he thought last night and he agreed that it’s OK to go to bed angry.  I reminded him that when we were dating he was a big proponent of this advice and he said that I was too but that time has shown us that sometimes it’s better to sleep on it.

We will disregard this piece of marriage advice and see where we end up.

What do you think??

Let’s discuss:

Don’t go to bed angry. Agree or disagree?

Home Alone

Posted on by jplatt27

I’ve written here before about how important it is to do your own things in a relationship.  I spend a decent amount of time doing my own thing each week.  From drinks with girlfriends to tutoring, from morning workouts to mornings at the coffee house, I’m often out and about without Mike. Last week I was reminded of another thing I like to do without Mike and actually probably need a little bit more of in my life: hang out at home. alone.

Last Thursday, I was home from Girls on the Run by 5:30. Mike was at happy hour with former co-workers and wouldn’t be home til late.  I made a quick dinner for myself, a lackluster quesadilla with salsa and ate it.

It was 6:00, probably earlier, and I had the entire night ahead of me.  I had nothing to do.  No tutoring, no coaching calls. Just an entire Thursday evening to myself. What would I do for 3 or 4 hours?

I started by taking a nice, long, hot shower.  Took my good ‘ole time and enjoyed the warmth and relaxation of the water.  While warm, my morning showers are usually pretty quick, I do what I need to do and get out so I can get on to breakfast.

I got out, put on my robe, and got in bed to read The Other Boleyn Girl. Within 5-10 pages I was sleepy and decided to take a nap.  I napped for about half an hour, woke up, and read a little more.

I got out of bed and I can’t even remember exactly what I did next. I think I moved to the couch and read a little more. At some point, I sat down at my computer and started writing. I got a good bit of writing done. I did the dishes. I dried my hair. I got in bed around 9:30 and watched Downton Abbey on the iPad and went to bed. And it was wonderful.

It’s not like I can’t do any of these things while Mike is there.  Of course I could. But when Mike’s around, I want to spend time with him, watch TV, relax. And if we are doing separate things, Mike’s probably watching TV or listening to sports talk or doing the dishes or something that is making some kind of noise. It’s not just him.  I do the same things.

There’s nothing like being alone in your apartment.  To be able to move around the apartment doing whatever you want when you want.  You can read in bed and then move to the couch to watch TV and then listen to music and be on the computer. You can clean without worrying about making too much noise or moving around someone.

I remember having this feeling before: on a Sunday morning when Mike was off running some errands,  I was able to lay on the couch and read my book. And the apartment was so quiet. This is bliss, I thought.

I need to make a point to have more periods of time like this.

Let’s talk:

When was the last time you were home alone? What’s your favorite thing to do when no one’s around?

A Wonderfully Ordinary Wednesday Evening

Posted on by jplatt27

Last night was a really good night.  It may seem like it’s nothing special because it was just a Wednesday night at home but these kinds of nights are kind of out-of-the-ordinary for me. So, this ordinary, run-of-the-mill Wednesday night filled with normal things and with a blend of relaxing and productivity is very special to me.

Warning: this post is full of digressions and small details.

I got home from work and immediately sat down at the computer to do some writing.  I even sat there with my jacket on for a little while.  Usually I come home and change my clothes first. thing. But I was motivated and wanted to jot my ideas down while they were fresh so I did.  I wrote for about 20 minutes or so until Mike got home.

I greeted him: “Hello! What are you doing?”

He responds: “Just walking in the door.”

Me: “Why are you laughing?”

Mike: “Because I just walked in the door, that’s what I’m doing.”

Riight.

Usually we get started on dinner right away but I suggested we get in bed for a bit. I took off my skirt and cardigan and climbed into bed in my underwear and blouse. It was one of those ahh, this bed is soo comfortable feelings where you just melt into the bed and your stress falls away. Mike changed out of his work clothes and joined me and had the exact same reaction until he said “can you move over? I’m not liking this…” I readjusted.

We basked in the glory of our comfortable bed and our little reprive. Mike said “My feet are cold, let me get in here” as he put his cold feet between mine.  We snuggled in together.

I was about to doze off when he asked me how my day was.

“It was good,” I said sleepily.

“Now’s not a good time to chat?”

“No, I’ll chat.  If I want to chat at all I better do it now since the Flyers are on tonight and you won’t be available then.”

I told him about my day, a small accomplishment at work. Then, he shared about his day.  Then…

“Do I still have that thing in my nose?” I ask holding my nose open and pointing.

“What thing? I don’t see anything.”

“Like right there. I can feel it, it hurts kinda.”

“Close your nostril.”

We stayed in bed for a while chatting briefly and cuddling.  This 30 minutes in bed was such a nice break from the usual.

I volunteered to make dinner while Mike relaxed on the couch. He was excited when I offered and I was happy to do it.

While making dinner I boiled some eggs, something I’d been meaning to do all week.  And when I cracked them for breakfast this morning they were perfect.

Here’s the method we used from Real Simple. Yes, we had to Google because neither of us knew the right way and when I called my mom she didn’t answer.

It’s funny–that’s the first thing that comes to mind when I imagine my mom not being here anymore and me wanting to call her for something. That I won’t be able to call her to tell me how to boil an egg. And I never wanted to Google it because of that. But as I was thinking about this last night I’m like I Google a million other things. It’s fine to Google things there’s a method for.  What will be really sad is when my mom isn’t there for me to call when I’m sick (like I did every day I was sick last week–she’s probably glad I’m better) or when I’m upset or need help with my future kids. It’s fine to Google how to boil an egg.

We watched an episode of Modern Family while we ate BLT’s.  We’re watching from the beginning on Netflix. It was the Valentine’s Day episode in the second season.

Then I hopped up to do my project: make chocolate chip cookie dough peanut butter cups for book club on Friday. Mike did the dishes quick while I read through the recipe and collected the ingredients.

I worked happily on these little gems, squealing with delight as they started to come together. Mike was yelling in anger at the Flyers.

In between the three phases I wrote a blog post and did the dishes. I finished the peanut butter cups, finished the dishes, finished the blog post and got in bed to read.

Lights out at 9:55. Good. night.

I’d love to know:

What’s a great Wednesday night for you?

What are some things you call your mom for?

 

Together while apart: how we stay in touch while traveling

Posted on by jplatt27

While Mike is in Florida, we’re communicating primarily through email. It started when I went to St. Lucia and knew I wouldn’t have cell service.  It didn’t even cross my mind to find a way to be able to use my phone while there. My sisters got calling cards, texting plans, and an app to call through wi-fi but I just assumed we’d have wi-fi at the resort and Mike and I agreed to email back and forth through the week. We liked it so much that even though we can chat on the phone or through text while Mike is in Florida we decided we’d primarily chat through email.

While it was weird not speaking or texting when I was away, we realized that we really enjoyed emailing back and forth. I liked taking time to sit and write an email to him–it allowed me time to reflect on the trip, to think about my response before responding. In writing to each other, I think we gave each other more quality time than we would have if we’d be calling and texting.

When we’re apart, phone calls are usually short at the end of the day when I’m tired and/or distracted and therefore they’re not very substantive, and filled with lots of  “i miss you.” While texts are nice, text conversations can be the worst.

But, when I sat down to write Mike an email (in the morning, my favorite time of day), I wanted to fill him in on what I’d been up to, what things were on my mind. I’d think consciously about what I wanted him to know, what I wanted to talk to him about. When you’re emailing, you can’t just be on the other end of the line, you have to write and you have to think about it. I’d be sure to ask him thoughtful questions, to follow up on things he’d told me to keep the conversation going. It is a different way of a communicating but a nice change of pace.

It was fun to look forward to the emails. When did I think he’d write? What would he say? I felt like I did back in middle school waiting for a note from a boy I liked and the giddiness and excitement that went along with that.

If I looked forward to emails from him every day this week, you can imagine my excitement that he’s coming home TODAY!

I’d love to know:

How do you keep in touch with your sig-o when traveling apart? (see above)

Do you remember exchanging notes in middle school? I remember getting notes from Mike in middle school.  I can still remember how he folded them–differently than I did.  

Game Change

Posted on by jplatt27

Just dropped Mike off at the airport and I’m happy to report that I held it together last night and this morning! Dropping him off and driving home I was a little sad and wanted to cry but the tears didn’t come. And when I remembered I had this cupcake to comfort me at home, that didn’t hurt either. Writing this post also helped me move past my sadness so thanks for reading!

We had a really nice night last night.  Our plan to lay low was a good one.  I ended up getting out of work an hour early yesterday so I met Mike at the gym (he always gets out early on Fridays, lucky). Then we used a Groupon and picked up a pizza from Potomac Pizza. If you live in the NW DC area or Montgomery County, I highly recommend Potomac Pizza.  It’s the closest pizza to the Philly/SE PA pizza we’re used to that we’ve found in the 3 years we’ve been here. We came home, showered, and settled in on the couch with a few slices.

After flipping through the channels a little bit and watching a few segments of both Khloe & Lamar and SVU that’d we seen already, I decided we’d watch Game Change, the new HBO movie about the 2008 McCain/Palin campaign. Mike had already seen it completely through once in addition to bits and pieces randomly throughout the week.  He said he likes it more every time he sees it.  Since I have a hard time making it through a whole movie in one sitting and I didn’t have much interest in it and I didn’t want my separation anxiety to flare up during a long, boring movie, I was skeptical about watching this last night.  But I figured we’d at least start it.  At this point Mike knows we’ll have to view a film in multiple sittings anyway so no trouble if I got bored.

Well let me tell you, I couldn’t stop watching.  It was really good.  It’s all about how the McCain campaign chose Sarah Palin as McCain’s running mate and how they prepared her for the campaign trail. It was fascinating! And Julianne Moore played a great Sarah Palin. I kept asking Mike “did this really happen?” and “is this true?” or “do you think she actually did that?” I don’t want to get into a political discussion here because to be honest I’m not super interested in political debate, and that is not what my blog is about. What I am interested in and what the movie focuses on is the behind the scenes of politics: what goes into a political campaign, the many layers of decisions made, and the relationships (or sometimes lack thereof) between the people involved. These things are fascinating to me.  I’d highly recommend Game Change if you haven’t seen it yet. It’s been playing pretty regularly on HBO since it aired on the 10th so I’m sure you can catch it again in the next week or so.

We didn’t make it through the entire movie without taking a break.  We had planned to take a walk and get some ice cream so we did that about an hour and a half in. We popped over to Something Sweet, a small bakery/ice cream shop in our neighborhood that we visit a little too frequently, and took our ice cream on a little stroll and sat on a bench in front of the National Cathedral.

We had a really nice night and I’m glad it was tarnished by my anxiety.  Mike hasn’t mentioned anything, but I’m sure he’s glad too.

I’d love to know:

What’d you do last night?

Have you seen Game Change? What did you think?