Tag: advice

067: Rewriting the narrative of burnout with Tracy Bech

Posted on by jplatt27

Rewriting the narrative of burnout #serialentrepreneur #multipassionateentrepreneur #entrepreneurlife #goodpathconsulting #woowoo #soulpreneur #goodforyoursoul #typea #mompreneur #burnout #innercritic #slowdownenjoymore #manifestthebest #overcomeoverwhelm #mindset #peaceofmind #rewireroadmap #practicemindfulness #visionboard #positiveaffirmations #createnewhabits

Today, I’m talking to Tracy Bech, a multi-passionate serial entrepreneur and recovering burnout-a-holic. Having started, run, and sold 2 successful businesses, she now is dedicated to using brain science to teach women entrepreneurs how to level up without the overwhelm.

In this episode Tracy and I discuss…

  • Working to play
  • Work and mindset
  • Why it’s OK to slow down
  • The stories we tell ourselves that lead to burnout
  • The brain science of overwhelm and many other things
  • Rewriting the narrative of burnout

Meet Tracy

Tracy Bech is a multi-passionate serial entrepreneur and recovering burnout-a-holic. Having started, run, and sold 2 successful businesses, she now is dedicated to using brain science to teach women entrepreneurs how to level up without the overwhelm. Known among her peers as a “master manifester”, Tracy has always embraced the oft-cliche “power of positive thinking” as a main tool in reaching goals. Now, using science-based materials, Tracy is able to teach the analytical pieces of what may seem a “woo woo” practice.

Her past businesses include a 6 figure web development agency, a 7 figure e-commerce retail website and in addition to running Good Path Consulting, she is also the founder and inventor of peeLUX – a device that allows women to more easily use the ladies’ room while wearing shapewear.

She’s also a wife and mom of 2 kids living in the quaint resort town of Hood River, Oregon. When not typing at light speed, binge listening to podcasts or speed reading personal development books she is most likely out for a run or bike ride or scheming an epic family vacation.

Find Tracy online:

Links:

Journal Prompts:

  • How can you work to play?
  • How can you make your life a little less busy with work?
  • What stories are you telling yourself about who you have to be?
  • What do you want to be true about who you are? How can you use brain science to get there?
  • How do you want to show up for your family? For your work?

Quotes:

  • Everything you have can be within you – Tracy Bech
  • You can make what you want if you choose it – Tracy Bech
  • Live first, work second – Tracy Bech
  • You are still a good worker and a good mom if you take time for yourself – Tracy Bech
  • You don’t have to be more than you are right now – Tracy Bech
  • You get to choose what you pay attention to – Tracy Bech
  • Burnout and overwhelm is an indulgent emotion – Tracy Bech
  • Hustle and hard work don’t have to be a part of the equation – James Wedmore
  • Flow, unfold, allow – Tracy Bech
  • You can choose what you want to see and what you want to be true – Joanna
  • Slow down, be curious, be ruthlessly intentional with your time – Tracy

 

Rewriting the narrative of burnout #serialentrepreneur #multipassionateentrepreneur #entrepreneurlife #goodpathconsulting #woowoo #soulpreneur #goodforyoursoul #typea #mompreneur #burnout #innercritic #slowdownenjoymore #manifestthebest #overcomeoverwhelm #mindset #peaceofmind #rewireroadmap #practicemindfulness #visionboard #positiveaffirmations #createnewhabits

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065: Heart to Heart on Receiving

Posted on by jplatt27

Heart to heart on receiving - Love Always Jo Podcast Episode 065 #holidayadvice #holidaysurvivalguide #survivingtheholidays #holidayprep #preparingforchristmas #preparingfortheholidays #innercritic #familyexpectations #christmas2018 #relationshippodcast #holidaytips #christmasprep #thanksgivingprep #howtoreceivegifts

 

In this month’s Heart-to-Heart we’re talking about receiving, how vulnerable it is, how to receive gifts well, the energy of receiving, and how to practice receiving this holiday season.

 

Journal Prompts:

  • Write about times you got a gift and didn’t receive it as well as you could have. What was happening internally for you?
  • When you hug someone do you focus more on the hug you’re giving or the hug you’re receiving?

Quotes:

  • Deserving is not a prerequisite for receiving.
  • Gift receiving mantra: I’m allowed to receive this.
  • Receive first. Evaluate second. 
  • You don’t have to believe you deserve something to receive it well. 
  • You don’t have to deserve something to receive it well. 
  • Receive the love first, even if the gift isn’t for you

 

Announcements:

  • Looking for a resolution-free way to plan for 2019? I’m hosting a Vision Board Workshop in DC on January 17. Tickets here.
  • If you’d like to send questions, thoughts, concerns or advice about upcoming topics you can do so at joanna-platt.com/hearttoheart. Submissions are due by the first of the month. Here are the upcoming topics:

 

Heart to heart on receiving - Love Always Jo Podcast Episode 065 #holidayadvice #holidaysurvivalguide #survivingtheholidays #holidayprep #preparingforchristmas #preparingfortheholidays #innercritic #familyexpectations #christmas2018 #relationshippodcast #holidaytips #christmasprep #thanksgivingprep #howtoreceivegifts

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056: Heart to Heart on Marriage

Posted on by jplatt27

Advice for newlyweds, finances, being single, perceptions of marrying young #marriageadvice #marriedlife #marriagegoals #relationshipgoals #podcast #relationshipcoach #marriagecoach #familylife #journalprompt #writingprompt #dailyjournaling

 

This month’s heart to heart is on the topic of Marriage. In this episode of Love Always, Jo I’ll be answering questions about advice for newlyweds, finances, being single, and the perceptions of marrying young.

Journal Prompts:

  • What are good things that are happening in your life?
  • Who does your inner critic think you need to be now that you’re a wife?
  • How can you enjoy this season you’re in right now?
  • How can you love where you’re at in your life right now?
  • If you loved your life what would change for you? How would you act differently, think differently, show up in your relationships?

Quotes:

  • Marriage is not set it and forget it
  • Monitor your connection
  • Marriage takes effort, attention and intention
  • Don’t put your marriage on autopilot
  • You are still just as valuable and lovable as you’ve always been no matter what stage of life you’re in
  • When you know, you know
  • You don’t have to have all the answers
  • Change is a good way to illuminate that patterns you’re in

 

What is your best advice for newlyweds?

When you ask someone how married life is going often they’ll say it’s the same and that nothing has changed. However, something does change, there is a subtle shift in your relationship. Often you’ll feel more deeply committed to your partner, with men in particular, they feel more responsible for you and need to provide for you in that way. Honor the change and identity shift and know its okay if you feel those deeper feelings that people don’t often talk about. Create space in your life to reflect on it.

Also, watch what your inner critic thinks about who you should be now that you’re married or who your partner should be ( i.e. you should be happy, newlywed phase or there are challenges you didn’t expect). Be careful with what you project on yourself and onto your partner.

The last thing is that marriage is not set it and forget it. Happily ever after is a thing, but you have to be intentional about it. Make sure you monitor your connection with your spouse. Marriage takes effort, attention and intention.

 

Should the amount of time I spend with friends change now that I’m married? Should I spend more time with my partner and less time with my friends?

If the amount you’re spending with friends works for you and your partner, go with that. If friendship is a high value of yours you need to continue to prioritize that. It’s great that you’re cognizant of your husbands needs, so if you aren’t sure, ask them and create the space for them to answer honestly. Give them time to answer because chances are they haven’t fully thought about that yet, so give them a couple days to process and get back to you.

Another thing to ask is, is your partner’s love language quality time? If it is then ask them what it looks like and how much quality time they actually need versus quantity time.

There’s also a chance that your inner critic is telling you that you need to spend less time with other and have less fun now that you’re a wife. My inner critic thinks I need to be a 1950’s wife, but my husband doesn’t even get home until 7:30, so a lot of those things my inner critic thinks I should be and do, isn’t grounded in reality. So you need to ask yourself, who does your inner critic think you need to be now that you’re a wife? What roles and expectations, are they true? Do you want to be that person? Does your spouse want you to be that person?

 

How to talk about money without tension (without the conversation going off the rails)?

This is a tough one. We still personally struggle with this, but we’ve gotten better at it. Money is about security, safety, survival, stability. And it’s about values and getting your needs met.

That means that your inner critic is right there at the front wanting to advocate for whatever you need, it’s not your true self but your protector. You can’t have a productive conversation from that place.

Tip 1: Watch how your fight or flight response kicks in during these conversations. Remind yourself that you are safe. Know it’s okay and normal for that response to happen. Even though we now have weekly money meetings, we still need to take breaks during the conversation because we still can get emotional or scared. There’s always more to learn and figure out about your money, yourself and your spouse. Give it time and know you may need to have multiple conversations about one topic.

Tip 2: Split your money conversations into 2 parts. In part one, talk about the heart stuff (what do you need, what do you want, etc.), then talk about the head stuff (nuts and bolts of the numbers — budgeting tool).

Tip 3: Use a budgeting tool. We use YNAB (You Need A Budget) to help use budget and manage our finances.

Note: I have a whole lesson on talking about money in my relationship course, Engaged. And, because so much of today’s conversation ties to things covered in that course, like money and inner critic in marriage, I’m giving you all $50 off of the course if you sign up before October 31, 2018. Use code lovealwaysjo at checkout. Go to joanna-platt.com/engaged to learn more.

 

These next two questions came in and I’ll answer them separately, but wanted to say that even though they seem so different, they’re both about fitting in and feeling left out or different. We all just want to belong and be confident about where we are in our lives. This is such a weird time in life. Until you graduate from college, everyone around you is at the exact same step. Navigating this time in your life is like balancing on a Bosu ball.

 

Can we talk about being the single at the dinner party? What about those of us in this shifting generation who always thought we’d be married in our 20s and are now adjusting to life as a party of 1 in a circle full of married friends.

Know that we love you and want you around. Regardless of what your relationship status is we love you and need you in our lives still. I love my single friends because it can be easier (or feels easier) to get quality time with them (quality time is my love language). You still add value to our lives. I love talking with my single friends, there’s a different pace of life and schedule.

Something similar actually came up for me recently. I found out that one of my friends is pregnant. A lot of my friends are starting families and we’re not. When I found out about it, I felt two emotions: like a failure and lonely. And happy for my friend, of course. I felt like a failure because I wasn’t doing what everyone else was doing. But I can’t make myself get there any sooner than I’m going to get there. I felt lonely because my friends were moving on to different steps and then they’ll be in different life phases then me and it made me think will they even want me or need me in their life anymore.

Here’s the thing. You are not a failure because you’re not married yet. Just like I’m not a failure because I haven’t started a family. And, we are still just as valuable and lovable as we’ve always been.

Ask yourself this question: How can you enjoy this season, knowing your person is out there somewhere and you will meet at the exact right time? How can you love where you’re at in your life right now? If you did love your life what would change for you? How would you act differently, think differently, show up in your relationships?

 

I think it would be interesting for you to share your perceptions on marriage culture in DC. I’m feeling like the odd one out for being married so young, whereas in the Midwest it wasn’t like that. And how people think marriage means sacrificing your individuality and potential advancement. I feel like I have to justify to others WHY I’m already married.

First things first — when you know, you know.

Secondly, watch your inner critic. Your inner critic probably wants you to do what everyone else is doing. I know mine does. That’s why me not having a baby after being married for so long has been very challenging for me emotionally. Remind your inner critic that it’s OK to get married “young”.

People in big cities tend to put marriage off longer than in other parts of the country. I think it’s because people in big cities are more focused on their careers and have more distractions. It’s just a different timeline, but that doesn’t mean that it’s right or wrong or that you’re not career focused if you get married young.

I also got married young. I got married when I was 25. Mike was 24! Being married has not made either of us sacrifice our individuality or potential advancement. He’s my biggest cheerleader and I’m his. Our marriage has been a space for us to grow and explore together and to bring our individual challenges and work through them. It’s a beautiful thing.

In last week’s episode, Jennifer Greer of Your Kickass Marriage said “Marriage and relationships should be spacious.” I completely agree. There should be space for both of you to learn and grow and reach your full potential.

 

Adjusting to change and not doing what you “should” do in marriage or home life

Mike recently changed his work hours to go until 6:30 every night. He doesn’t get home until 7:30. So we decided that we would do dinner separately during the week because I get hungry at like 4 and don’t sleep well when I eat later. This seems easy. But I got so sad and cried over this. Culture has been telling us that we need to eat together as a family in order to connect, so it’s been interesting navigating this change. It feels like standing on a Bosu ball trying to adjust to the new schedule. But looking back at how we used to do it I wouldn’t say it was necessarily working for us, but it was still an adjustment and change we had to work through.

Try it and see what happens, you don’t have to have all the answers. You can still have a very happy, connected, loving relationship even if you don’t have dinner together (or whatever your situation may be). What can you learn from this? What would happen if you got curious about this new normal? Even if you’re not the 1950’s housewife you’re still loveable and valuable.

Change is a good way to illuminate that patterns you’re in.

 

Two quick things before I let you go:

If you love this conversation and want to know more about my thoughts, advice, and guidance on marriage, I’ve put it all into my marriage course, Engaged. Get $50 off Engaged with the code lovealwaysjo when you sign up by October 31. Go to Joanna-platt.com/engaged to learn more.

Next month’s heart to heart topic will be on Doing It All. Send questions, thoughts, advice, or concerns on this topic to me here.

 

Advice for newlyweds, finances, being single, perceptions of marrying young #marriageadvice #marriedlife #marriagegoals #relationshipgoals #podcast #relationshipcoach #marriagecoach #familylife #journalprompt #writingprompt #dailyjournaling

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049: July Q&A

Posted on by jplatt27

 

This month’s Q&A questions come from Brit and Dave. In this episode of Love Always, Jo I actually didn’t get any questions for me so I thought it’d be fun to have my husband Mike answer some questions for me. In this episode, Mike answers questions about what it’s like to be married to a life coach, how to stay positive, and choosing a job that makes you happy.

 

Links:

 

Quotes:

  • Things don’t always have to be the way you were taught that they should be – Mike
  • If you numb one feeling you numb all the feelings — Brene Brown
  • May everyone find something in their life that makes them feel the way the Eagles winning the Super Bowl makes Mike feel — Joanna
  • Do what makes you happy and not what you think you should be doing – Mike

 

Journal Prompts:

  • What does resistance sound like in your head?
  • When things aren’t going great in life what are things that you can look at and say yeah but look at ____.
  • What parts of Mikes story do you relate to
  • Where can you be more supportive of yourself
  • What checkboxes are you working toward that you don’t feel aligned with

 

Follow Mike:

Instagram

 

What is it like being married to a life coach?

You get the full range of emotions pretty much every day it’s really good Joanna’s helped me get through a lot of stuff that I don’t think another partner would be able to do. I’m really grateful it’s your superpower.

 

Assuming that you feel resistance to feeling your feelings, what does your resistance “sound like” in your head? What does it say when you’re edging up against emotions you don’t necessarily want to deal with? And then what helps you push past those thoughts and face your emotions? — Brit, @jammarketinggroup

 

(Mike) We talk a lot about numbing and there’s a distance to feeling things you don’t want to feel turns into numbing and that’s doing something mindless or grasping for something you don’t need but feels comfortable to help deflect some of those feelings and feel like you’re in a safer space. It’s like when I turn on the news and just veg out it’s distracting me from stress or anxiety about work.

 

Resistance in my head sounds like avoidance— ‘you can deal with it later’ but not really believing it because it’s still weighing on you. So using things like turning on the news to distract from stress or going out to eat so I’m not sitting at home stuck in my head.

 

What helps me to push past it is time, there’s only so long you can numb out for before you realize you have to face it and just do it. Sometimes things at work stress me out so when I come home I tend to resist thinking about what’s going on the next day or the things on my to do list I have to do. It turns me into a procrastinator which I’m not which is something I really hate the idea of.

 

(Joanna) I took Brit’s new online test to determine what your marketing personality is and through that I learned I’m a P (which is super free flowing) and Mike is a J (which is structure and routine) which makes sense as to why you’re not (or don’t want to be) a procrastinator.

 

You recently made a career move that was pretty brave, can you tell us about how you made that choice?

 

(Mike) The deeper thing for me would be that I have a fear and hatred of being wrong or not knowing how to do something when people expect that I know how to do it. That’s what would give me stress at work; I’ve always been really good at my job and as I started moving up in positions I’d get around more and more people who were older than me and had more experience which would cause me to feel partially like the weak link. And that would exacerbate the things that would cause the anxiety of “I don’t know what I’m doing” and those feelings would lead to the daily numbing out because I didn’t want to be in the situation again.

 

In my last job from day one, I felt that I didn’t know what I was doing and then it essentially bottomed out/came to the surface and I started to have breakdowns feeling that the weight of the company was on my shoulders. It started because there was the daily numbing and escapism of looking at jobs that weren’t in DC anymore. Once I started to face it head on I hired a life coach (Kristen of Clarity on Fire) and it helped give me outlets and come up with solutions to mitigate the intense feelings and help me get through the days and weeks. It helped me get clarity on what I wanted to do next. Part of what I did was write down my core desired feelings— that was the start of figuring out what I wanted and was something I used to help evaluate future job opportunities I was having.

 

How do you stay positive all the time and how are you supportive of Joanna and others. Do you have tips about how others can be as supportive to others? — Dave – @dclands

 

(Mike) I think I’ve always been a generally optimistic person, so I think the positivity and stuff come naturally to me. Being able to be so supportive of what Joanna’s doing now is a result of our relationship and I think she’s taught me that there’s a different path to life than what we’ve been told. Things don’t always have to be the way you were taught that they should be. Or the way that is “normal”. The idea of Joanna being a life coach isn’t anything we were exposed to growing up; dads went off to work at a 9-5, moms stayed home, very middle-class upbringing. You assume you’ll grow up, go to college, get a job, buy a house, and have kids. I think in our relationship Joanna taught me you don’t have to do that, you can do things intentionally and it doesn’t have to fit the mold that everyone else is doing. If it’s right for you then it’s the right thing.

 

(Joanna) You have a very live and let live attitude which I think also helps with that.

 

(Mike) When you’re numbing out that’s not a time to be supportive. If you’re numbing yourself out then its much harder to be optimistic, fun, and supportive of someone else because you don’t want to deal with anything. A tip would be to be conscious of when you’re numbing out and then try to get yourself out of it so you can have the bandwidth to hear what’s going on with someone else.

 

(Joanna) When you’re in a constant battle with your inner critic believing that you have to live your life a certain way, you’re also putting that lens on everyone else. So one thing you can do to be more supportive of others is to be supportive and compassionate with yourself. That will help you be more present and shift you out of the numbness/judgmental feeling.

 

I think it was really brave of you to make the change in your job. Can you share how you had the courage to make the change?

 

(Mike) I started my new job a month ago and for the first 10 years of my career it was straight out of college and I just wanted to keep moving up and was very focused on titles and feeling like I was working for the right company or organization. I had the umbrella that I wanted to do public service, which is why I worked where I did. And in the past 5 years when I was at my last job I had the opportunity to get promoted and became a manager for the first time in a high-profile job in our CEO’s office. Through that, I got the opportunity to join a leadership development program which is all about developing me and the others in my cohort for future VP roles in the company. You move through different jobs in the company so that when the time comes you’re ready to be a VP in the company. In the last few years, I started having a push-pull feeling realizing that I didn’t want to work. I work because I need money to do things outside of work, which isn’t something I’d felt until a few years ago. It boils down to the fact that I had a literal plan of where I was going and what I needed to do to get to the next position and I didn’t enjoy the process. Probably because I wasn’t doing anything anymore it was more strategy/big picture. So I started looking for a new job outside the organization and I started thinking if I don’t want to work but I have to do something, what do I actually want to do? The work I always got the most satisfaction out of when I sat down at my desk was task-oriented work, like administrative work. I’d rather have a dozen small things to do a day rather than one big thing to do each day. I put things on to do lists just to mark them off sometimes.

 

So I reached out to a recruiting firm that specialized in that type of work and started going down the path of an executive assistant. For me it was what I liked doing and I get satisfaction from the work I’d do. An opportunity came up at rapid speed (less than 3 weeks from interview to hire) and since I made the move my quality of life has improved greatly. I feel like I’m back in the right place for me. I don’t feel like the weight of the company is on my shoulders anymore and at the end of the day I can look at my to do list and feel satisfied that I completed something. It feels natural, like it’s what I’m supposed to be doing.

 

(Joanna) How’d you get there internally?

 

(Mike) While it didn’t feel like a risk, it did feel like a big decision but knowing how stressed I was and how much it was impacting me I knew it wasn’t sustainable. I finally feel like I can actually enjoy my weekend, not dreading Monday and having to go back to work.

 

Love Always, Jo is about lighting you up and relishing your joy—so Mike, what is making you glow from the inside out?

(Mike) The Eagles won the SuperBowl—I still can’t believe it actually happened. From watching the Eagles play 20+ years you get to a point where you don’t think it’s ever going to happen and to see the way they won it. The reason why I’m beaming when talking about it is that I’m really interested and passionate about sports. It’s such a part of who I am and being a fan of those teams is such a part of my identity and the identity of Philadelphia sports is not one of winning a lot, so the pure joy of the thing you’ve put so much time and emotions into that you have no control over and have come to fruition after 25 years is pretty amazing. It’s perspective changing.

 

What have you done recently that changed your morning workout game?

(Mike) I used to force myself on a morning workout routine because I don’t like working out in general and knew I wouldn’t do it at the end of the day. But a morning routine wasn’t working for me because I need time to wake up. One day I realized what if I flipped my morning routine and allowed myself to wake up, have coffee and then go workout? Since flipping that I’ve been able to keep that routine for about 6 weeks.

 

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043: May Q&A

Posted on by jplatt27

 

This month’s Q&A questions come from Brit and Miranda. In this episode of Love Always, Jo I’ll be answering questions about your inner child, making the workday more mindful, and starting new habits.

 

Quotes:

  • The needs of our inner child can be simple yet profound.
  • Being mindful is about consciously choosing what you’re doing and focusing on and reacting less
  • Being happy doesn’t have to threaten your relationships

 

Journal Prompts:

  • Think back to when you were 5, 8, 10, 12. What was going on in your life then? What did you need? What did you wish for?
  • What was the biggest threat to your well being and happiness when you were little?
  • What do you wish you had when you were little?
  • What type of experiences, relationships, material things?
  • What did you do for fun?
  • What did you want to be when you grew up?
  • When did you lose track of time?
  • What’s your happiest childhood memory?
  • What was your biggest fear?
  • What was your biggest unmet need?
  • What did you need more of?
  • What did you need less of?

 

How can I reconnect with my inner child and get to know her better?

 

Your inner child is there, just under the surface, always. In a lot of ways, she’s running the show of your life—from your big life goals to your smallest desires to your biggest and smallest triggers.

 

Your big girl dreams and your big girl worries are all tied up in the dreams, desires, worries, and wants of your little girl self. They’re the same.

 

If you get triggered by something and you have really really strong negative feelings about something and you’re not sure why it’s likely that your inner child is having a reaction and your inner critic has jumped in to protect your inner child from feeling that pain again.

 

Ask yourself: what does this remind me of? When have I felt this feeling before? Chances are there is a scared, hurt version of you as a child hidden under there.

 

A client and I were recently talking about dating. She said that she went on a lot of dates and some that were even good, but they ended up not going anywhere. When we dug into this a bit, she remembered a time in 8th grade when she told a boy she liked him and in science class, this news got out and she was embarrassed publicly for it. At that moment, a protector was born, an inner critic that would pull her back anytime she liked a guy and prevented her from expressing her feelings for him. Clearly, this would hold a person back in a relationship.

 

The needs of our inner child can be simple yet profound. One of the most powerful experiences I’ve had with my inner child was a walk around the tidal basin and Jefferson Memorial. I was listening to a workshop, ironically about the inner child. At first, I sat and listened. Then I started walking and listening. Then I stopped walking and paused the recording to just stop and be for a little bit. I continued at this pace, walking a little, stopping a little, just as it felt natural to me. This was an important experience for me and my inner child because one of my unmet needs as a kid was quality time with my parents, a quiet uninterrupted time to just go with the flow.

 

Here are some questions to explore — Think back to when you were 5, 8, 10, 12…

  • What was going on in your life then? What did you need? What did you wish for?
  • What was the biggest threat to your well being and happiness when you were little?
  • What do you wish you had when you were little?
  • What type of experiences, relationships, material things?
  • What did you do for fun?
  • What did you want to be when you grew up?
  • When did you lose track of time?
  • What’s your happiest childhood memory?
  • What was your biggest fear?
  • What was your biggest unmet need?
  • What did you need more of?
  • What did you need less of?

 

Want to explore this topic more with me? Schedule a free call here.

 

Do you have any tips for making the workday more mindful?

 

Take breaks — Instead of going through the click routine of checking emails, texts, social media, etc. between tasks, do a lap up and down the stairs to get your blood flowing, take your lunch break away from your workspace, take colorful plates/bowls to work to put your lunch on, take a break to go for a short walk, stare out the window/outside for a few minutes.

Check in with your body — Do stretches every little bit or take a few minutes between tasks to do some deep breathing exercises.

Watch the number of tabs you have open on your screen and mentally

Turn off notifications — Put your phone in a drawer and turn your notifications off, also think about turning off any notifications that are on your computer so you can focus more on the tasks you’re doing. Give yourself permission to reply to emails at specific intervals rather than in between tasks.

 

How do you implement new and better habits into your life if you fear judgment from your friends and family?

 

Acknowledge the fear you have and that it’s the inner critic. Worrying what your friends and family think are your inner critics tactics of keeping you safe and small. It does it because it works. It projects your fears onto your friends and family so that you won’t reach new heights and be better. Your inner critic does this to avoid being shunned or damage relationships.

 

Think about this — by you changing your habits may actually make your friends and family happy…and they may even want to join you. Usually when we make changes, no one even notices for a while, because a lot of the changes we make (setting more boundaries, eating better, going to the gym) are inner changes first and outer changes second.

 

If your friends and family do have a reaction to the changes you’re making, realize that it’s their inner critic popping up in their life keeping them safe. Some things you can do:

  1. Don’t get defensive, just reiterate what you’re doing and remind them their relationship with you isn’t changing just because you’re going to the gym 3 times a week.
  2. Remind yourself why you are making the change.
  3. Find some cheerleaders to help you keep the change going.

 

If you want to talk about change and have someone to keep you accountable to the changes you want to make I’d love to hop on a call with you!

 

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041: Give Yourself a Break

Posted on by jplatt27

 

I had two ideas in mind for today’s episode: Managing Your Energy and How to Avoid Burnout. Today’s episode is neither of those, but it fits perfectly with those themes.

This episode is more a show than tell. A practice what you preach kind of thing.

This is my last week at my full-time job. Since I gave my notice two weeks ago, there’s been a LOT going on. One of my direct reports got a new job and his last day happened, our fiscal year ended (I’m a fundraiser so this is a big deal), and I was out of the office for two days serving as a judge for an industry award competition, and I had my period last week which requires a big slow down in energy.

This week’s top priority is finishing out my full-time job, closing this chapter, and processing all of the emotions that come with that. And there will be a lot.

Frankly, I don’t have the bandwidth, physically, emotionally, and mentally to do the episodes I mentioned earlier. So I need to give myself a break. I need to give myself permission to do what I can and acknowledge what I can’t and not push. And let that be OK.

Sometimes in life, we’ve got to let ourselves put all of our energy in one basket for a little while.

Sometimes in life, we need to give ourselves a break. Sometimes we have to acknowledge when the lift is too great and choose to let that be OK.

So that’s what I’m doing with this episode this week. And it does tie in to managing your energy and avoiding burnout. Giving yourself a break, recognizing your limits and living accordingly is one way to manage your energy and avoid burnout.

Where might you need a break this week? How can you give yourself permission to take that break?

Quotes:

  • Recognize your limits and adjust your output accordingly
  • Give yourself permission to take a break
  • There’s power in the pause

Journal prompt:

  • Where can you give yourself a break?

If you want to discuss self-care and how to avoid burnout, book a free discovery call with me at joannaplattcoaching.acuityscheduling.com.

Do you know someone who would appreciate this episode, or another Love Always, Jo episode? Send it her way.

 

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040: April Q&A

Posted on by jplatt27

 

This month’s Q&A questions come from a friend and from one of my coaching clients. In this episode of Love Always, Jo I’ll be answering questions about resources on people pleasing and worrying thoughts and anxiety.

 

Links:

Recommended Books:

Quotes:

  • Start setting boundaries in your life
  • Empaths have people-pleasing tendencies because they can feel other people’s energy like it’s their own
  • Allow yourself time to process your day

Journal Prompts:

  • Where might you need stronger boundaries?
  • If you were to give your inner worrier a name, what would she be called?

 

Do you have any book recommendations about people pleasing?

 

A friend texted me this question recently and I thought it might be helpful for you too.

 

I replied: “You mean like this?” With a wink emoji and a picture of the book “The Disease to Please, Curing the People Pleasing Syndrome”

 

And then, for good measure, I added “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud.

 

People pleasing is an inner critic thing, and often people with an inner critic who wants them to focus on other people before themselves lack boundaries and it’s good to be reminded what boundaries are and how they can serve you.

 

I also added “Become the most important person in the room” by Rose Rosetree. This is a book for empaths. Empaths are people who can feel other people’s energy like it’s their own.

 

These three topics, people-pleasing, boundaries, and empaths are very closely related. Empaths have people-pleasing tendencies because they can feel other people’s energy like it’s their own. So, if they can make the people around them happy, they’ll feel happy, because the other person’s energy is merged with their own and it’s hard to tell the difference. But, after too much of this, you will get exhausted. Because even though it doesn’t feel like you have needs, you do. And you can only give so much, you can only take on so much of other people’s energy before your energetic bubble is ready to burst.

 

One way you can prevent this is by having boundaries. Both energetic boundaries where you keep your energy unmerged from other people’s and by having other boundaries…by stating what you need, what is and is not OK with you.

 

As empaths, our energies are outside ourselves, whereas non-empaths energies are focused more on themselves.

 

What small things can I do to just stop my brain from overthinking?

 

The second question came in an email from a coaching client who asked:

 

I’m visiting my parents for the next few days and my anxiety has been high. I went to bed thinking bad thoughts and woke up thinking bad thoughts. I think being home just makes things real for me and all the worries I can push away in D.C. come back when I’m home.

What small things can I do to just stop my brain from overthinking?

 

It’s very very common for anxiety and worry to come in when we slow down. When we’re busy we feel like we can outrun it (that’s why we stay addicted to busyness) and when we slow down, the worried thoughts come in big time. Some of my worst cases of anxiety have come on vacation. This doesn’t seem to make sense because we “should” be relaxed and enjoying ourselves.

 

I so get this. Some of my worst anxiety comes when I should be relaxing or having fun.

 

The worst anxiety I’ve had in my life…and I’ve had a LOT…came when my husband and I went on our first vacation after our honeymoon. We went to Nashville for a week and I could hardly enjoy myself I was so anxious. I remember we were riding bikes through a park and I literally had to stop and put my headphones in so I could listen to a podcast to distract myself. My inner critic was SO loud. It was like a broken record going through all the parts of my life where I was failing as a person, as a friend, as a sister. It felt awful. I was so embarrassed. I should’ve been having fun with my husband. I was miserable when I should’ve been enjoying riding a bike outside, feeling the wind in my hair and pedaling with joy. But I couldn’t.

 

Sometimes we use busyness to avoid being alone with our inner critic and anxiety. We tend to put so much on our plate so we don’t have to deal with our worries, which is why when we do slow down we get an onslaught of anxiety and inner critic thoughts.

 

I heard a great episode on the Daring to Rest podcast about dream deprivation and sleep, and he gave a great analogy. Planes fly above the weather. When they come down to land, they go through the weather and through the turbulence. Similarly, we fly above the weather as we’re going about our day and when we come down at night, relaxing/resting/watching tv/before bed, we go through the turbulence as our brain tries to digest and process all of the things we experienced that day. But we often don’t want to go through the turbulence. And that’s when things build up.

 

What you can do to avoid the onslaught of anxiety/worry when you’re trying to have fun

  1. Can you name your worrier? I like the term the article used “hyper-vigilant brain.” If you give the voice/thoughts a name it’s easier to identify and detach from the voice. You are not the voice, you are hearing the voice.
  2. Recognize that this is the normal process of your brain and it’s gotta run through this process to get back to its baseline. Try to detach from the thoughts. You don’t have to indulge the thoughts but you don’t have to push them away either. Fighting them will only make it worse/louder. Try imagining placing your thoughts on a cloud and let them float by, letting them go.
  3. Give your brain more time to process and rest. Try scheduling in time more regularly throughout the day for your brain to run through this process to make it a little more manageable. You can start with something as little as two minutes between meetings, 20 minutes at lunch to walk around the block, 3 minutes in the afternoon. Set a timer on your phone, like “OK brain…go ahead.” Work on doing this processing before you get in bed, that way when you go to bed you can actually go to bed without staying up going through these processes.
  4. Download the Calm app and do short meditations throughout the day. Here’s a podcast called Mini-Meditations that looks good.

 

Here are two podcast episodes I did about the inner critic that might be helpful too:

 

If you want to discuss how to prevent people pleasing or push past overthinking and anxiety or your inner critic, book a free discovery call with me at joannaplattcoaching.acuityscheduling.com.

 

Do you know someone who would appreciate this episode, or another Love Always, Jo episode? Send it her way.

 

Have a question for a future Q&A session? Follow me on Instagram and send me a DM or leave a comment on my next post when I put the call out for questions.

 

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037: March Q&A

Posted on by jplatt27

This month’s Q+A questions are super similar and bring up something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately: the monotony of the grind and the beige-ness that adult life can bring.

In my course for couples, Engaged, I talk about how people say that marriage kills your sex life and how I think that statement is false. It’s not marriage that kills your sex life…it’s adulting. It’s the grind. The ho-hum of the normal routine. Get up, go to work, come home. Get up, go to work, come home. Get up, go to work, come home. We’re in survival mode during the week. We’re not turned on in life and if we’re not turned on in life, not feeling alive and excited and excitable, how can we possibly be turned on in bed?

Today we’ll talk about how we can add a little more joy and excitement to our every day. Listen to this episode to hear more about the monotony of the grind adult life can bring.

Links:

Quotes:

  • If your life feels beige, ask yourself,“what would a technicolor life look like?”
  • Life isn’t a destination, it’s a journey; there’s always going to be more things you want to feel, do, have, etc. in life
  • Life isn’t a set it and forget it journey, you can pick and choose new paths when you want to
  • Stop playing the comparison game with yourself; enjoy where you’re at in life right now
  • New things can only go in open hands

How do you stay positive and energetic within mundane weeks??

(Question from @chaneydoyle)

Don’t put pressure on yourself to be happy, peppy, the best version of yourself every single day. Taking that pressure off will give you a lot of your energy back. Just like saying “I have my cranky pants on today” brings a smile to your face and releases some energy around it. Acknowledging the feeling helps release the power it has over you.

Remember that it will pick up. Work comes in seasons and waves and sometimes there’s a lot going on and sometimes there’s a lull. That’s totally normal but the work culture of our society hasn’t caught up with that and mandates that we are at our desks for a certain number of hours, regardless of how much work we have going on.

During the mundane times when you feel like you don’t have much to do, give yourself permission to enjoy the quiet and the slow. You can also give yourself little projects to do—clean your desk, do research for another project, think about something you have going on in your personal life, doodle or journal, allow space for new ideas to come and don’t put pressure on yourself to be do, do, doing all the time. That white space is a really good thing and can fuel you for the next wave.

The more I think about this, the more I think this comes down to movement and shaking the energy up. It’s like a law of physics: a body at rest stays at rest and a body in motion stays in motion until it’s met with an external force. It’s inertia. So, if the day/week is beige and your energy and body are going along with it, they’ll stay that way until you do something different.

So, how can you move your body, how can you move your energy?

  1. Five minutes of fun. You could play a quick game, do a dance party, watch a Jimmy Fallon clip on youtube (check out the playlist here)
  2. Add some color to your lunch. Bring a real plate and bowl from home and take your lunch out of the carrying container and onto the plate.
  3. Take your lunch and do something with it. Sit outside and read a book. Run an errand. Call a friend.
  4. Play happy music. Listen to podcasts. Play music or podcasts that are light and make you feel the way you want to be feeling. Listening to music in the background can help quiet your inner critic and lets you feel more positive and energetic about the work you’re doing. One that I’ve been listening to and loving lately is the How I Built This podcast.
  5. Find ways to move every hour or so. Take a lap around the office, go up and down the stairs a few times. Take a nice long walk at lunch and listen to a podcast or call a friend. Find an empty office and put a song on in your headphones and DANCE.

What might add more joy to your day? What might add more color and energy to your day?

What do you have going on before and after work? Go back to the Episode 34 about how to enjoy mornings — if your mornings bring you joy, that can help carry you throughout your day.

How to find the joy in your job and where you are in life?

(Question submitted by @tammymorin)

The first thing that comes to my mind is to focus on what’s good in this season.

At the end of the day, or the beginning of the day, ask “what made me smile today? What did I enjoy today?” Think about what’s good today, this week, this month, what’s going well?

We have a tendency to focus on the future and the gap between where we are and where we want to be. That brings a mindset of scarcity and a lack mentality and energy and doesn’t attract the things you want to be attracting.

We put so much pressure on ourselves to have it all figured out and to be exactly where we want to be/end up in life right. now. But even when you get to the place you think you want to be, there will likely be a next step. That’s the cool thing about life. We think life is like the people mover at the airport. We just have to find the right one and we’ll cruise to the end. But, life isn’t like that. It’s not that linear. And honestly, this is a good thing. Because if you pass Dunkin’ Donuts on the people mover, you can’t get off. If you’re not on the people mover you’re free to move as you please, as slow or as fast as you want, and you have the freedom to stop where you want along the way.

It’s also hard when you find yourself comparing your life and where you are on the checklist of life to where your best friends, coworkers, people from high school who you follow on Facebook are, where society thinks you should be, where your parents were when they were your age, and where a younger version of you thought you’d be.

Try not to do this to yourself. It doesn’t help anything. You are where you are. And while you have your eye on the next step in the journey, and are moving toward that, try to be where your feet are now.

The most pleasant way to get where you want to go is to focus on all that’s good now, be grateful for where you are and what you enjoy in this season so that you can move toward the next thing from a place of abundance and joy, and not scarcity and “not-good-enough.” When we’re in scarcity and not good enough, there’s this gripping fear feeling, like a closed hand. When we’re in abundance and joy, there’s an open, light hopeful feeling, like an open hand, open arms, open heart. And new things can only go in open hands.

Questions for you:

  • What is good about this season of your life?
  • What makes you smile on a daily basis?
  • What are you grateful for in your life right now?
  • What can you do to stop comparing, stop judging, stop hating the things in your life and start loving and appreciating yourself and the things in your life?

 

If you want to discuss how you can find a little more joy in YOUR day-to-day life, book a free discovery call with me at joannaplattcoaching.acuityscheduling.com

Do you know someone who would appreciate this episode, or another Love Always, Jo episode? Send it her way.

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Bearing Witness

Posted on by Kelsey Leetzow

Standing at a wedding recently, I thought “the only thing I have to do right now, the only purpose for me being here, is to bear witness to this moment. That’s why we’ve been invited here. To sit. To watch. To witness as these two people commit themselves to each other.”

Wow. How powerful is that? I don’t have to do anything. I just have to be here.

I think that’s actually the way it is with a lot of life. Particularly in relationships. You don’t have do anything. I mean of course you do. But one of the biggest things in marriage and in friendship and even in family is being witness to another person’s journey. To his or her life. To watch it and to say I see you.

One of my best friends had a baby recently. Of course, I’ve been putting pressure on myself to take all kinds of food over there since before the baby was even born. I’m sure food would be nice and welcomed. But most of all I think our friends just want to spend time with us. To hang out like we did before the baby. To be around and present while they navigate this new chapter. To bear witness to their journey.

On the flip side, I’ve got a friend going through a break-up. There’s nothing we can do to fix it. To put these two people back together. Sure we can help with some logistical things. We can provide meals or distractions. But more importantly than that it’s being there. We’re here. We see you. We love you. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok.

Every September, I get into a weird funk. I’m super moody and reflective. It’s like a dark night of the soul kind of thing. This weekend I was talking to some girlfriends about it and they were like oh yeah, it’s September already. You’ve gotten like this every September since we’ve known you. They can’t take away the emotional discomfort I feel in September, but them acknowledging and validating my experience — witnessing it — made me feel less alone.
Sometimes in life, you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to fix it, you don’t have to make it better or take it to the next level even. You don’t even have to be the absolute best version of yourself. You just have to be there. To bear witness.

What I learned over LDW

Posted on by Kelsey Leetzow

I had a realization over Labor Day weekend.

I am much better, feel much better, when my life is in motion.

I unintentionally pulled the joy and delight out of my life in the name of growing my business. I started to feel like I couldn’t prioritize friendships or my health because I needed to focus all of my energy and my free time on my business. I’m realizing, though well-meaning, it’s not serving me well.

We had this thing at my high school called Gym Night. My sister always said that she had the best grades during Gym Night season. She attributed this to having less time to focus on homework and things so she didn’t mess around and simply buckled down to get her homework done in the limited time she had.

I’ve gone the exact opposite of that. I’ve stripped my weekly calendar of all the fun things: cooking, seeing friends, working out. My life has become a big go to work, come home, sit on the couch and watch TV loop. And you can bet that I was NOT working on my business in all this free time.

I banged out more content for an upcoming e-course in one plane ride to California than I have in the entire month since I had the idea.

I always feel like I’m super focused on trips to PA too. Probably because we’ve got a lot of people to see and there’s only limited time to spend by myself.

I’ve gained weight. I had a breakdown in the doctor’s office recently about how beige my life is and how many things I’ve got going on in the fall.

Then Labor Day weekend happened. I went to happy hour on Thursday night and then Friday afternoon when work got out early and then had a girlfriend over Friday night. Saturday I got a massage and then later in the day Mike and I tried a new-to-us BBQ place in Georgetown and I stopped at the Gap on my way home. Sunday I had brunch with girlfriends and then Mike and I made dinner at home. Monday morning I made breakfast at home, kneading dough for these breakfast buns by hand for eight minutes. I also made rice krispie treats. Then we drove 45 mins to a furniture place in Virginia and then spent the afternoon and evening with friends at their house. That’s about what I typically do in a whole month, let alone a weekend!

I wrote a blog post over the weekend and I’m writing this at 7am the day after Labor Day.

I haven’t been on a roll like this in a very very long time. I feel like I’ve uncovered a secret I should’ve known about myself:

I am at my best when I’ve got a lot going on.

Note: this is very different and I’m very cognizant about numbing with busyness. That is a completely different thing and needs to be monitored. Busyness is an addiction like any other and I’ve definitely used it in the past.

So, I’m going to add the color back into my life. Cooking (which I love), happy hour, exercise. Because not only do I want a full life, it seems like I need one too.