Tag: emotions

something changed

Posted on by jplatt27

When people ask us “how is married life?” both of us would say “it’s about the same.” And while not many things in our day to day lives have changed since the wedding, something has definitely changed in our relationship.  Though it’s continued to change since our wedding, I think it started before we said I do. I think it started when I said yes.

For the first time we were a team.  Prior to that it was team Mike and I was the head cheerleader and team Jo with Mike as the head cheerleader. We were very much on the same page and supportive of each other’s goals and dreams but for the most part we each did our own thing and came together after.

Planning our wedding was the first major project we ever worked on together in a way that required us to really be a united front. Even searching for an apartment and moving to DC together wasn’t that big of a deal in this sense because that really only involved the two of us. We went and looked at apartments, decided which one we liked best, put money down, and signed a lease. Easy. Peasy.

But planning a wedding is a whole ‘nother ball game.  Though I didn’t realize this when I started planning, our wedding wasn’t only about the two of us. Our parents were major stakeholders in the day as well.  And then we had family, friends, and other guests to worry about too.  And vendors.

All of these people had opinions about our wedding from reception location and the weather to groomsman attire and food. We had to consider what we wanted and work as a team to make our vision come to life while taking into account all the other people and their thoughts. We had to advocate for what we wanted as individuals as well as what we wanted as a couple. And we had to be gracious in turning down other people’s ideas.

This was the first time we interacted as a unit and made decisions together and reported out to our families.  It went from this is what I want or this is what Mike’s up to to this is what we think is best.

There were budgets to balance, updates to give, vendor meetings, orders to place, details to coordinate.  Oh, and vows to write and a ceremony to create and personalize to reflect our values and our love.

This was a pretty cool thing.  It was challenging at times, sure, but it only prepared us for life ahead.

promise me we'll be weird

Posted on by jplatt27

While I was preparing for my vision board party, Mike was helping me make some cookies.  I don’t remember what possessed this, maybe I needed a laugh, but I said “I have an idea.  Why don’t I make a rule where for the next 10 minutes, you can only speak in rhyme?”

Mike was quiet for a little while but then after about 45 seconds, he said a line in rhyme.  And I giggled.  And we kept going.

And now it’s kind of our thing.  We just rhyme randomly.  And laugh.

Then, earlier this week we were in the kitchen doing dishes after dinner and I was packing up the leftovers for lunch when in a loud random voice I said “the lunch.”

Mike started laughing and when I asked what he was laughing about he said “I was just going to start singing and it would’ve been really embarrassing.”

Because I want to protect my husband from more public shame, I told him I wouldn’t share the song he then broke into.  But, it was hilarious.  So funny and silly. I was giggling up a storm.

We kept making up more lyrics to this song that had to do with lunch and leftovers and dishes.  And we kept cracking up.

I’m still struck as we laugh and laugh and laugh by how good it feels to do so.

And as we laughed and laughed, made up more lyrics, and laughed and cheered at each other’s good rhymes, I said to Mike

promise me we’ll always be weird.

I never want to stop laughing like this.  How many adults did you see being silly or weird when you were a kid?  I didn’t see many.

When we’re “grown up” and have kids, I don’t want to stop giggling and joking around with my husband. As we take on more responsibility in years to come, I still want to have good clean fun like this.  I want to laugh.  I want us to still be weird.

 

an honor and a privilege

Posted on by jplatt27

One of the best things in life is witnessing, sharing, and celebrating the love and happiness of people that mean the world to you.

I spent the weekend doing just that at my friend Lauren’s wedding. Alongside our best friends from college, I had the privilege to be a bridesmaid and partake in all of the wedding festivities.  It was truly an honor to share this special day with my friend and see the love and joy that surrounded her up close. Thank you, LEM, for this very special experience.

 

PS–I’m guest posting over at Perfection Isn’t Happy today while Emily is on her honeymoon! Check it out!

 

 

pro-prozac: my experience with anxiety meds

Posted on by jplatt27

In my Things I’m Afraid to Tell You post, I shared that I recently started taking anxiety medicine.

This was not a decision I made lightly.  In fact, it was one that I avoided for a while. Part of me was in denial and part of me just honestly didn’t know how wide-spread my anxiety was. But now that I’m on the other side of this experience, I want to share my story in hope that it can benefit someone else.

I’ve probably suffered from anxiety for 5 years if not longer.

I’d become very familiar with anxiety–that pain my chest that came with a cloud in my mind.

However, when a therapist told me I had anxiety after listening to me recount stresses from my wedding planning and my struggle to move on from the wedding itself, I totally disagreed with her:

“I don’t have anxiety. Yes I get anxiety but I don’t have it. It’s not a condition.”

She assured me that I did and that medicine would help.  That going on medicine wasn’t a bad thing. I didn’t believe her.  About the anxiety or the medicine.

I didn’t want to go on medicine.  I can manage this myself, I thought–go to the gym regularly, get enough sleep, eat right. I can handle this.

But then my anxiety started to get really bad.  The pains in my chest got more frequent and increased in intensity and when I had them they were the only thing I could focus on.  I wasn’t able to be present in my life.

It was time to consider medication. I had a long, tearful conversation with a friend who had experience with anxiety.

She said she had a good experience on it and that it may help me too.  That there is nothing wrong with being on medication.

“I know you’re right,” I said. But then the tears started as I considered the reality of this and self-doubt started to set in again.  “But, I can handle this myself.  I should be able to handle this myself.”

“Why suffer?” she said.

And I thought “I can help myself.” I hate when people don’t help themselves.

I also had a feeling that things would get better, that while being on medicine I could get my life where I want it to be.

I decided to take control of my life. I’d make an appointment with my doctor and see what she said.

The doctor was more than willing to write me a prescription, ensuring me that I can just test it for a few months and see how I feel and make a more informed decision then.

Though it was something I was afraid to admit to myself and others, I am so glad I made the decision to try it.

Until I started this medication, I had no idea how my anxiety was affecting my life. From work, to leisure, to relationships, my anxiety permeated all aspects of my life. The flare-ups that came in the form of tightness in my chest were actually just a piece of it and I think I only noticed that because it was physically painful and different from my normal experience.  I had no idea that my mind racing constantly was a symptom of my anxiety–that was my “normal.”

Three months later, I can truly say that this medicine has changed my life.

Here’s the simplest way for me to describe the change:

I’ve been having life is good moments so frequently recently.  My outside life hasn’t gotten better since I started the meds; my life has been really good for a while now. The difference is that now I can relish in the thought “life is good” for more than two seconds before it’s pushed out by a myriad of other concerns.

______________

Do I want to be on medicine forever? No.

I hope that when I’m able to align my life with the person I want to be–my true self, that my anxiety will lessen significantly to a point where I can manage occasional bouts of anxiety with regular stress relieving techniques.

But right now, this is what I need. And to be my real self, that’s what I want.

______________

If you want to know more, please don’t hesitate to email me thingsafterrings {at} gmail {dot} com. 

Creating lives we love

Posted on by jplatt27

Yesterday I hosted my first vision board party.

While planning this party and waiting for RSVPs to come in, I hoped I would get a good turnout and maybe worried I wouldn’t. But then I reminded myself that the women that everyone that was meant to be here would show up.  And I truly believe that’s what happened.

I had a wonderful group of 7 amazing, beautiful, creative women: two friends from work, my Girls on the Run partner, a friend from high school, a friend that’s dating one of my friends from high school, my little from my sorority, and another friend from college.

We spent the afternoon flipping through magazines and gathering images, words, and phrases that inspired us. Then we each organized our clippings onto poster boards to create a vision for our lives.

This is the first step in creating lives we love.

Each board was different: some were vertical, some horizontal; some all words, some all photos. But each board was beautiful and inspiring, and hopeful in its own way.

As we went around sharing key pieces of our boards, I was so touched by what each woman had to share. I’ve known most of the girls for at least a few years at this point and I was still surprised and inspired by what they included on their boards. It was awesome–as in I was literally in awe of the the women, my friends, that came out. The best version of each woman and what the lives the aspire to have.

My heart was. so. happy. Even recalling this now, my heart is swelling with joy.

Thank you again to the girls that came out to support me. You each have a special place in my heart.

I can’t wait to host my next party. Probably late August or early September!

But who knows…it could be sooner!

I’d love to know:

Have you ever made a vision board?

Imagine having a baby

Posted on by jplatt27

Friday night Mike and I were out to dinner and I had this thought “I can’t imagine us having a baby right now.” (Yes, I realize this seems contradictory to what I told you two weeks ago.)

For some reason this image of us carrying a baby in a car seat walking down Barrack’s Row popped into my head as I sat at a high-top table in the window at Matchbox, enjoying a glass a wine across from my husband on a gorgeous Friday evening.

Initial Reactions

OMG, I can’t imagine carrying a baby around, I thought. I can’t imagine having to worry about someone else 24-7.

Half the time I’m too tired to wash the dishes after dinner, where will I find the energy to take care of a baby?

I can hardly get myself together in the morning; I’m always doing a million things. How will I be able to get a baby ready for the day when half the time I’m rushing to get a lunch together before I head out the door. (I almost missed the bus the other day because Justin Beiber was on the Today Show. I mean, hello?! Does that sound like mom material to you? I think not.)

I know that you make room in your life for a baby, that your routine and schedule just shift to make it work. But I don’t want to not be able to do things we like to do because we have a baby and his or her schedule trumps everything.

And no, of course your life doesn’t have to stop when you have a baby. You can still be social and do things, just take the baby with you.

I was actually surprised and inspired by the number of couples I saw with babies strapped on them as we hiked in Great Falls. Yes! I want that to be us.  I want to still be out and about when we have a baby.

I’d love to hold a baby and cuddle with a baby–someone else’s baby that I can give back.  That would be nice.

But having a baby indefinitely… I can’t wrap my head around that.

After thinking about this for almost a week, here’s why…

I enjoy my life as it is right now and feel like I’m on the cusp of some major self discovery. I struggled a lot after college graduation trying to figure everything out and felt very lost at times.  But I’ve learned so much about myself in the last 6-9 months, and am starting to see the light at the end of my quarter-life crisis tunnel. I’m really enjoying this time, being selfish and focusing almost all of my energy on myself and what I want.

When I imagine having a baby, I’m older and have my act together.  I have a solid routine, my apartment is clean. I’m full of energy.  I can stay up til 10. I imagine I’m like 35 or what I think I’ll be when I’m 35: totally with it and put together. I like to feel like I’m with it and put together right now and that I’ve got a lot of things figured out, but where I’m at currently and the level I see myself at when I’m a mom are a few steps apart.

And right now, I’m really enjoying the process of figuring it all out.

_____________________

[as you can imagine I have many more thoughts where these came from…perhaps a part II and even III are in order]

what i've learned about journaling

Posted on by jplatt27

I used to think journaling was like keeping a diary in elementary school.  Every night before bed you’d write about what you did that day:

“Dear Diary, today I went to the my friend’s house.  It was fun. We played…”

I knew there were benefits to journaling but writing in that way always seemed forced and rarely brought the therapeutic relief it is supposed to bring.

When I was planning my wedding I carried a small notebook around with me to take notes and jot down ideas, lists, etc. When I started blogging, I continued to carry the notebook around with me to jot down notes and post ideas, random thoughts, emotions, etc. And what began as drafting potential blog posts turned into an appreciation for exploring and expressing emotions through writing.

Now I write when I feel like writing: waiting for the bus on a Saturday afternoon (when this post was drafted), at 5am when I wake up with lots of thoughts, on the bus, when I waiting for my computer to re-boot at work.

I’m still finding my way, learning more about what I like to write, what prevents me from writing certain things, and how to get around those hang ups.

You may have noticed that I rarely write posts that recap a weekend or a day or a trip (Chicago part 1, part 2, part 3). It’s because for me writing posts like that is kind of excruciating.

Writing a timeline narrative is not my thing.  I like to explore feelings and events and I always feel like I go too off course. If the main idea is “what I did today,” I can’t do that because I feel like I have to get to the end of the day and list every single thing I did and until I get there it will not be over.  I also feel like I have to include every. single. detail or the post is somehow dishonest or inaccurate or I’m not telling the whole story. [I had to edit myself in the most recent what’s for dinner? wednesday post and assure myself that not sharing that I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things did not take away from the point of the story: I made lunch, then decided we should go on a picnic and made it happen.] And that makes me stressed. Journaling should not be stressful.

Here’s what I’ve learned, what I would share to beginners (and I advise that you all try journaling if you don’t already), and what I continually remind myself:

  • you don’t have to start at the “beginning”
  • you don’t have to get to the “end”
  • you don’t have to include every. single. detail.
  • remember how good it feels once you write (kind like how good it feels once you get your butt to the gym)
  • write when you feel inspired
  • it’s therapeutic to write about things that happened in the past
  • it’s energizing to write about hopes and dreams you have for the future…in detail

 

I’d love to know…

Do you keep a journal?

If so…

How often to do you write?  | When do you write? | What does journaling mean to you?

Have you had any issues journaling? | What have you learned through your journaling practice?

If not…

Why not? | Do you have concerns or blocks about journaling like I did? | What’s your favorite way to explore your emotions?

things i'm afraid to tell you

Posted on by jplatt27

A few months ago, Jess shared a list of things she was afraid to tell her readers over on Makeunder My Life. She didn’t know that in doing so she would inspire other bloggers to do the same, thus starting a movement that would be featured by the Huffington Post. Here’s my list…

Things I’m afraid to tell you

Sometimes I worry we won’t be able to buy a house until we’re 40.

I started taking anxiety medicine about a month ago.

       I have a simultaneous fear that I’ll get pregnant by accident and that I won’t be able to get pregnant down the road.

       I often don’t pull my weight at home. Mike and I both recognize this.

The second time I looked at our wedding photos I cried because I didn’t love them or how I looked in certain ones and berated myself for ruining our couple photos by not smiling.

I think I’ll be ready to have a baby sometime next year but I’m afraid of what my friends will think when I tell them that.

I really don’t want Mike to go bald.

 

Join in

What’s something you’re afraid to share with others?

 

 

 

what if it’s sunny?

Posted on by jplatt27

When Mike and I chose to have our wedding reception in a tent, we knew it felt right.   Fonthill Castle in Doylestown, PA is a picturesque property with lots of green.  Living in a city, the serenity of the sights and sounds of the property were something that instantly attracted us. It felt so peaceful, so free. This would be the best place for us to get married.

But our parents asked “what if it rains?”

My first thought in response to this was “what if it’s 75 and sunny?” Yes, there is the possibility of rain on our wedding day.  But there is also an equal possibility that it’s a gorgeous spring day. And that’s what I decided to focus on.

This is my natural reaction to things.  I think of best case.  I’m a true optimist.

Yesterday I was chatting with a friend about which grad school she should attend.  She’s deciding between two schools.  At one point she said something equivalent to “if it rains, will I wish I went to the other school?”

And my thought was the equivalent of “what if it’s sunny?” What if the exact opposite of that bad situation happens? You’ll be happy you chose the school you did.

I think it’s natural to ask “what if?” and consider the potential snags in a situation. It’s smart even.  Of course you want to consider less-than-ideal scenarios. But I think it’s best when we ask ourselves this question in a pragmatic way, in a way that opens your mind to a contingency plan in case x, y, or z happens. But don’t let the possibility of it not working out keep you from going after the best case, what you really want.

It’s kind of like that saying “don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.” (ok, maybe that’s from A Cinderella Story 🙂 ).

Our wedding day was exactly as I pictured it.  A gorgeous spring day. Sun shining. Not too hot.  And as we sat on a picnic blanket on the grounds of Fonthill before the reception with the breeze blowing past us taking in the whole day, I was glad we followed our hearts and made decisions with the best possible scenario in mind.

What if we had taken our parents concerns to heart, let their fear of rain eclipse our hope of sun, and changed our plans to a more rain-friendly site? What if we booked a hotel ballroom instead and wished we were spending our sunny wedding day at Fonthill?

The next time you find yourself worrying “what if it rains?” ask yourself this:

what if it’s sunny?

A Wonderfully Ordinary Wednesday Evening

Posted on by jplatt27

Last night was a really good night.  It may seem like it’s nothing special because it was just a Wednesday night at home but these kinds of nights are kind of out-of-the-ordinary for me. So, this ordinary, run-of-the-mill Wednesday night filled with normal things and with a blend of relaxing and productivity is very special to me.

Warning: this post is full of digressions and small details.

I got home from work and immediately sat down at the computer to do some writing.  I even sat there with my jacket on for a little while.  Usually I come home and change my clothes first. thing. But I was motivated and wanted to jot my ideas down while they were fresh so I did.  I wrote for about 20 minutes or so until Mike got home.

I greeted him: “Hello! What are you doing?”

He responds: “Just walking in the door.”

Me: “Why are you laughing?”

Mike: “Because I just walked in the door, that’s what I’m doing.”

Riight.

Usually we get started on dinner right away but I suggested we get in bed for a bit. I took off my skirt and cardigan and climbed into bed in my underwear and blouse. It was one of those ahh, this bed is soo comfortable feelings where you just melt into the bed and your stress falls away. Mike changed out of his work clothes and joined me and had the exact same reaction until he said “can you move over? I’m not liking this…” I readjusted.

We basked in the glory of our comfortable bed and our little reprive. Mike said “My feet are cold, let me get in here” as he put his cold feet between mine.  We snuggled in together.

I was about to doze off when he asked me how my day was.

“It was good,” I said sleepily.

“Now’s not a good time to chat?”

“No, I’ll chat.  If I want to chat at all I better do it now since the Flyers are on tonight and you won’t be available then.”

I told him about my day, a small accomplishment at work. Then, he shared about his day.  Then…

“Do I still have that thing in my nose?” I ask holding my nose open and pointing.

“What thing? I don’t see anything.”

“Like right there. I can feel it, it hurts kinda.”

“Close your nostril.”

We stayed in bed for a while chatting briefly and cuddling.  This 30 minutes in bed was such a nice break from the usual.

I volunteered to make dinner while Mike relaxed on the couch. He was excited when I offered and I was happy to do it.

While making dinner I boiled some eggs, something I’d been meaning to do all week.  And when I cracked them for breakfast this morning they were perfect.

Here’s the method we used from Real Simple. Yes, we had to Google because neither of us knew the right way and when I called my mom she didn’t answer.

It’s funny–that’s the first thing that comes to mind when I imagine my mom not being here anymore and me wanting to call her for something. That I won’t be able to call her to tell me how to boil an egg. And I never wanted to Google it because of that. But as I was thinking about this last night I’m like I Google a million other things. It’s fine to Google things there’s a method for.  What will be really sad is when my mom isn’t there for me to call when I’m sick (like I did every day I was sick last week–she’s probably glad I’m better) or when I’m upset or need help with my future kids. It’s fine to Google how to boil an egg.

We watched an episode of Modern Family while we ate BLT’s.  We’re watching from the beginning on Netflix. It was the Valentine’s Day episode in the second season.

Then I hopped up to do my project: make chocolate chip cookie dough peanut butter cups for book club on Friday. Mike did the dishes quick while I read through the recipe and collected the ingredients.

I worked happily on these little gems, squealing with delight as they started to come together. Mike was yelling in anger at the Flyers.

In between the three phases I wrote a blog post and did the dishes. I finished the peanut butter cups, finished the dishes, finished the blog post and got in bed to read.

Lights out at 9:55. Good. night.

I’d love to know:

What’s a great Wednesday night for you?

What are some things you call your mom for?