Tag: family

065: Heart to Heart on Receiving

Posted on by jplatt27

Heart to heart on receiving - Love Always Jo Podcast Episode 065 #holidayadvice #holidaysurvivalguide #survivingtheholidays #holidayprep #preparingforchristmas #preparingfortheholidays #innercritic #familyexpectations #christmas2018 #relationshippodcast #holidaytips #christmasprep #thanksgivingprep #howtoreceivegifts

 

In this month’s Heart-to-Heart we’re talking about receiving, how vulnerable it is, how to receive gifts well, the energy of receiving, and how to practice receiving this holiday season.

 

Journal Prompts:

  • Write about times you got a gift and didn’t receive it as well as you could have. What was happening internally for you?
  • When you hug someone do you focus more on the hug you’re giving or the hug you’re receiving?

Quotes:

  • Deserving is not a prerequisite for receiving.
  • Gift receiving mantra: I’m allowed to receive this.
  • Receive first. Evaluate second. 
  • You don’t have to believe you deserve something to receive it well. 
  • You don’t have to deserve something to receive it well. 
  • Receive the love first, even if the gift isn’t for you

 

Announcements:

  • Looking for a resolution-free way to plan for 2019? I’m hosting a Vision Board Workshop in DC on January 17. Tickets here.
  • If you’d like to send questions, thoughts, concerns or advice about upcoming topics you can do so at joanna-platt.com/hearttoheart. Submissions are due by the first of the month. Here are the upcoming topics:

 

Heart to heart on receiving - Love Always Jo Podcast Episode 065 #holidayadvice #holidaysurvivalguide #survivingtheholidays #holidayprep #preparingforchristmas #preparingfortheholidays #innercritic #familyexpectations #christmas2018 #relationshippodcast #holidaytips #christmasprep #thanksgivingprep #howtoreceivegifts

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047: A Heart to Heart on Burnout

Posted on by jplatt27

How to avoid burnout #lifecoach #relationshipcoach #selfhelp #selflove #personaldevelopment #findingbalance #findbalance #worklifebalance

 

In this episode of Love Always, Jo, I’ll be talking about what’s been going on with me lately. If you’re feeling burned out about summer and everything going on in your life right now, know that you’re not alone. Listen to this episode to hear my heart to heart chat.

 

In this episode I talk about…

  • My breakdown during the month of June – from traveling every weekend to lots of personal transitions
  • How morning pages helped me through this season – listen to the episode here
  • How to preserve space in your calendar so you don’t end up exhausted
  • Ways to steal a few minutes for yourself and step away from the pressures you’re feeling

 

Quotes:

  • Give yourself permission to clear your calendar
  • Sometimes you just need to get through it and know it will be better soon
  • Don’t get too down on yourself
  • Do what you can to lift the pressures off of you that you can
  • Take a step back and survey what you’ve done in the meantime
  • Just show up and be there

 

Journal:

  • Where did you show up well in your life this month?
  • Where can you steal a few minutes for yourself?
  • How can you soak up a simple joy today?
  • What are some things you could do today that would make you feel like life is in order?

 

Are you a high achiever and tired of being burnt out?

I would love to hop on a 30-minute coffee chat with you about something new that I’m working on. If you see yourself as a high achiever and don’t want to continue the cycle of burnout. If you want to move from a place of people pleasing to someone who’s shining in the world, owning who you are, and treating yourself to simple pleasures. If you want to have a calendar that is both full and spacious, I’d love to hear your thoughts and get your input on what I’m working on!

To schedule a coffee chat you can either email me (Joanna@joanna-platt.com) or book your chat here.

P.S. Let me know in the email/form that you’d like to hop on the coffee chat mentioned in Episode 47.

 

How to avoid burnout #lifecoach #relationshipcoach #selfhelp #selflove #personaldevelopment #findingbalance #findbalance #worklifebalance

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043: May Q&A

Posted on by jplatt27

 

This month’s Q&A questions come from Brit and Miranda. In this episode of Love Always, Jo I’ll be answering questions about your inner child, making the workday more mindful, and starting new habits.

 

Quotes:

  • The needs of our inner child can be simple yet profound.
  • Being mindful is about consciously choosing what you’re doing and focusing on and reacting less
  • Being happy doesn’t have to threaten your relationships

 

Journal Prompts:

  • Think back to when you were 5, 8, 10, 12. What was going on in your life then? What did you need? What did you wish for?
  • What was the biggest threat to your well being and happiness when you were little?
  • What do you wish you had when you were little?
  • What type of experiences, relationships, material things?
  • What did you do for fun?
  • What did you want to be when you grew up?
  • When did you lose track of time?
  • What’s your happiest childhood memory?
  • What was your biggest fear?
  • What was your biggest unmet need?
  • What did you need more of?
  • What did you need less of?

 

How can I reconnect with my inner child and get to know her better?

 

Your inner child is there, just under the surface, always. In a lot of ways, she’s running the show of your life—from your big life goals to your smallest desires to your biggest and smallest triggers.

 

Your big girl dreams and your big girl worries are all tied up in the dreams, desires, worries, and wants of your little girl self. They’re the same.

 

If you get triggered by something and you have really really strong negative feelings about something and you’re not sure why it’s likely that your inner child is having a reaction and your inner critic has jumped in to protect your inner child from feeling that pain again.

 

Ask yourself: what does this remind me of? When have I felt this feeling before? Chances are there is a scared, hurt version of you as a child hidden under there.

 

A client and I were recently talking about dating. She said that she went on a lot of dates and some that were even good, but they ended up not going anywhere. When we dug into this a bit, she remembered a time in 8th grade when she told a boy she liked him and in science class, this news got out and she was embarrassed publicly for it. At that moment, a protector was born, an inner critic that would pull her back anytime she liked a guy and prevented her from expressing her feelings for him. Clearly, this would hold a person back in a relationship.

 

The needs of our inner child can be simple yet profound. One of the most powerful experiences I’ve had with my inner child was a walk around the tidal basin and Jefferson Memorial. I was listening to a workshop, ironically about the inner child. At first, I sat and listened. Then I started walking and listening. Then I stopped walking and paused the recording to just stop and be for a little bit. I continued at this pace, walking a little, stopping a little, just as it felt natural to me. This was an important experience for me and my inner child because one of my unmet needs as a kid was quality time with my parents, a quiet uninterrupted time to just go with the flow.

 

Here are some questions to explore — Think back to when you were 5, 8, 10, 12…

  • What was going on in your life then? What did you need? What did you wish for?
  • What was the biggest threat to your well being and happiness when you were little?
  • What do you wish you had when you were little?
  • What type of experiences, relationships, material things?
  • What did you do for fun?
  • What did you want to be when you grew up?
  • When did you lose track of time?
  • What’s your happiest childhood memory?
  • What was your biggest fear?
  • What was your biggest unmet need?
  • What did you need more of?
  • What did you need less of?

 

Want to explore this topic more with me? Schedule a free call here.

 

Do you have any tips for making the workday more mindful?

 

Take breaks — Instead of going through the click routine of checking emails, texts, social media, etc. between tasks, do a lap up and down the stairs to get your blood flowing, take your lunch break away from your workspace, take colorful plates/bowls to work to put your lunch on, take a break to go for a short walk, stare out the window/outside for a few minutes.

Check in with your body — Do stretches every little bit or take a few minutes between tasks to do some deep breathing exercises.

Watch the number of tabs you have open on your screen and mentally

Turn off notifications — Put your phone in a drawer and turn your notifications off, also think about turning off any notifications that are on your computer so you can focus more on the tasks you’re doing. Give yourself permission to reply to emails at specific intervals rather than in between tasks.

 

How do you implement new and better habits into your life if you fear judgment from your friends and family?

 

Acknowledge the fear you have and that it’s the inner critic. Worrying what your friends and family think are your inner critics tactics of keeping you safe and small. It does it because it works. It projects your fears onto your friends and family so that you won’t reach new heights and be better. Your inner critic does this to avoid being shunned or damage relationships.

 

Think about this — by you changing your habits may actually make your friends and family happy…and they may even want to join you. Usually when we make changes, no one even notices for a while, because a lot of the changes we make (setting more boundaries, eating better, going to the gym) are inner changes first and outer changes second.

 

If your friends and family do have a reaction to the changes you’re making, realize that it’s their inner critic popping up in their life keeping them safe. Some things you can do:

  1. Don’t get defensive, just reiterate what you’re doing and remind them their relationship with you isn’t changing just because you’re going to the gym 3 times a week.
  2. Remind yourself why you are making the change.
  3. Find some cheerleaders to help you keep the change going.

 

If you want to talk about change and have someone to keep you accountable to the changes you want to make I’d love to hop on a call with you!

 

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040: April Q&A

Posted on by jplatt27

 

This month’s Q&A questions come from a friend and from one of my coaching clients. In this episode of Love Always, Jo I’ll be answering questions about resources on people pleasing and worrying thoughts and anxiety.

 

Links:

Recommended Books:

Quotes:

  • Start setting boundaries in your life
  • Empaths have people-pleasing tendencies because they can feel other people’s energy like it’s their own
  • Allow yourself time to process your day

Journal Prompts:

  • Where might you need stronger boundaries?
  • If you were to give your inner worrier a name, what would she be called?

 

Do you have any book recommendations about people pleasing?

 

A friend texted me this question recently and I thought it might be helpful for you too.

 

I replied: “You mean like this?” With a wink emoji and a picture of the book “The Disease to Please, Curing the People Pleasing Syndrome”

 

And then, for good measure, I added “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud.

 

People pleasing is an inner critic thing, and often people with an inner critic who wants them to focus on other people before themselves lack boundaries and it’s good to be reminded what boundaries are and how they can serve you.

 

I also added “Become the most important person in the room” by Rose Rosetree. This is a book for empaths. Empaths are people who can feel other people’s energy like it’s their own.

 

These three topics, people-pleasing, boundaries, and empaths are very closely related. Empaths have people-pleasing tendencies because they can feel other people’s energy like it’s their own. So, if they can make the people around them happy, they’ll feel happy, because the other person’s energy is merged with their own and it’s hard to tell the difference. But, after too much of this, you will get exhausted. Because even though it doesn’t feel like you have needs, you do. And you can only give so much, you can only take on so much of other people’s energy before your energetic bubble is ready to burst.

 

One way you can prevent this is by having boundaries. Both energetic boundaries where you keep your energy unmerged from other people’s and by having other boundaries…by stating what you need, what is and is not OK with you.

 

As empaths, our energies are outside ourselves, whereas non-empaths energies are focused more on themselves.

 

What small things can I do to just stop my brain from overthinking?

 

The second question came in an email from a coaching client who asked:

 

I’m visiting my parents for the next few days and my anxiety has been high. I went to bed thinking bad thoughts and woke up thinking bad thoughts. I think being home just makes things real for me and all the worries I can push away in D.C. come back when I’m home.

What small things can I do to just stop my brain from overthinking?

 

It’s very very common for anxiety and worry to come in when we slow down. When we’re busy we feel like we can outrun it (that’s why we stay addicted to busyness) and when we slow down, the worried thoughts come in big time. Some of my worst cases of anxiety have come on vacation. This doesn’t seem to make sense because we “should” be relaxed and enjoying ourselves.

 

I so get this. Some of my worst anxiety comes when I should be relaxing or having fun.

 

The worst anxiety I’ve had in my life…and I’ve had a LOT…came when my husband and I went on our first vacation after our honeymoon. We went to Nashville for a week and I could hardly enjoy myself I was so anxious. I remember we were riding bikes through a park and I literally had to stop and put my headphones in so I could listen to a podcast to distract myself. My inner critic was SO loud. It was like a broken record going through all the parts of my life where I was failing as a person, as a friend, as a sister. It felt awful. I was so embarrassed. I should’ve been having fun with my husband. I was miserable when I should’ve been enjoying riding a bike outside, feeling the wind in my hair and pedaling with joy. But I couldn’t.

 

Sometimes we use busyness to avoid being alone with our inner critic and anxiety. We tend to put so much on our plate so we don’t have to deal with our worries, which is why when we do slow down we get an onslaught of anxiety and inner critic thoughts.

 

I heard a great episode on the Daring to Rest podcast about dream deprivation and sleep, and he gave a great analogy. Planes fly above the weather. When they come down to land, they go through the weather and through the turbulence. Similarly, we fly above the weather as we’re going about our day and when we come down at night, relaxing/resting/watching tv/before bed, we go through the turbulence as our brain tries to digest and process all of the things we experienced that day. But we often don’t want to go through the turbulence. And that’s when things build up.

 

What you can do to avoid the onslaught of anxiety/worry when you’re trying to have fun

  1. Can you name your worrier? I like the term the article used “hyper-vigilant brain.” If you give the voice/thoughts a name it’s easier to identify and detach from the voice. You are not the voice, you are hearing the voice.
  2. Recognize that this is the normal process of your brain and it’s gotta run through this process to get back to its baseline. Try to detach from the thoughts. You don’t have to indulge the thoughts but you don’t have to push them away either. Fighting them will only make it worse/louder. Try imagining placing your thoughts on a cloud and let them float by, letting them go.
  3. Give your brain more time to process and rest. Try scheduling in time more regularly throughout the day for your brain to run through this process to make it a little more manageable. You can start with something as little as two minutes between meetings, 20 minutes at lunch to walk around the block, 3 minutes in the afternoon. Set a timer on your phone, like “OK brain…go ahead.” Work on doing this processing before you get in bed, that way when you go to bed you can actually go to bed without staying up going through these processes.
  4. Download the Calm app and do short meditations throughout the day. Here’s a podcast called Mini-Meditations that looks good.

 

Here are two podcast episodes I did about the inner critic that might be helpful too:

 

If you want to discuss how to prevent people pleasing or push past overthinking and anxiety or your inner critic, book a free discovery call with me at joannaplattcoaching.acuityscheduling.com.

 

Do you know someone who would appreciate this episode, or another Love Always, Jo episode? Send it her way.

 

Have a question for a future Q&A session? Follow me on Instagram and send me a DM or leave a comment on my next post when I put the call out for questions.

 

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Bearing Witness

Posted on by Kelsey Leetzow

Standing at a wedding recently, I thought “the only thing I have to do right now, the only purpose for me being here, is to bear witness to this moment. That’s why we’ve been invited here. To sit. To watch. To witness as these two people commit themselves to each other.”

Wow. How powerful is that? I don’t have to do anything. I just have to be here.

I think that’s actually the way it is with a lot of life. Particularly in relationships. You don’t have do anything. I mean of course you do. But one of the biggest things in marriage and in friendship and even in family is being witness to another person’s journey. To his or her life. To watch it and to say I see you.

One of my best friends had a baby recently. Of course, I’ve been putting pressure on myself to take all kinds of food over there since before the baby was even born. I’m sure food would be nice and welcomed. But most of all I think our friends just want to spend time with us. To hang out like we did before the baby. To be around and present while they navigate this new chapter. To bear witness to their journey.

On the flip side, I’ve got a friend going through a break-up. There’s nothing we can do to fix it. To put these two people back together. Sure we can help with some logistical things. We can provide meals or distractions. But more importantly than that it’s being there. We’re here. We see you. We love you. It’s ok. It’s going to be ok.

Every September, I get into a weird funk. I’m super moody and reflective. It’s like a dark night of the soul kind of thing. This weekend I was talking to some girlfriends about it and they were like oh yeah, it’s September already. You’ve gotten like this every September since we’ve known you. They can’t take away the emotional discomfort I feel in September, but them acknowledging and validating my experience — witnessing it — made me feel less alone.
Sometimes in life, you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to fix it, you don’t have to make it better or take it to the next level even. You don’t even have to be the absolute best version of yourself. You just have to be there. To bear witness.

a milestone

Posted on by jplatt27

In a few minutes, I’ll lead my first coaching group call. I feel like I’m on the edge of something really big. Something that marks the beginning of something really great and new. The realization of a dream I’ve been working toward for 2 years. I want to take a minute to take it all in. I want to acknowledge all of the love that has gotten me to this point.

It started with my friends not laughing when I timidly tested the waters of this crazy thing by saying “I think I want to be a coach” before I really even knew what coaching was.

My family and Mike’s family not really knowing what coaching was or how the heck it’d ever pay my bills but going along with it anyway.

It was colleagues at my full-time job checking in to see how things were going and asking me to bring my skills to our full-time work.

My husband who has supported this big crazy dream emotionally and financially through the intense highs and lows, times of self-confidence and extreme bouts of self-doubt.

The coaches in my cohort that acknowledged my wide range of emotions as a gift for the first time, and lauded me for it.

The teachers that encouraged me to tap into my intuition and empathy–one of the biggest strengths I bring to my coaching practice.

Friends, coworkers, and strangers that let me practice on them.

My first clients that trusted me to help them believe in themselves.

It was big things like these words from my mom when I started doubting and questioning that this whole dream would even work: “Oh, it will work. Coaching works. You’re different now because of it.”

But it was smaller things too. Like Facebook likes. Or someone saying “that’s great!” when I shared literally the smallest possible advancement in this.

I can’t tell you how all of these doses of encouragement impacted me.

Thank you, all of you.

to have and to hold

Posted on by jplatt27
I’m on an airplane, heading to Iowa for a friend’s wedding. There’s a little boy in front of me, maybe three years old. He’s wearing footie pajamas and it’s clear he’s getting a little restless. It’s almost 10pm. Aww, do you want to sit on my lap? I wonder. It’d be so nice to hold a little kid in my arms.

And then this big, emotional thought hits me. Someday, I could have a little boy like that. And not only will he be mine and sweet and cuddly. But he will be Mike’s. The thought of having a little Mike to hold overwhelms me, fills my body with this deep emotion that I’ve never connected before.

I love holding my husband. Cuddling, hugging, holding hands. Being able to hold a smaller human that’s part Mike is almost too much to handle. The joy that will come of that fills my heart so much. I want to wrap my arms around this person and surround them with all the love in my heart the way I want to do/try to do with Mike, their future dad.

It feels like my heart is expanding in my chest to make room for this possibility, this reality. My throat starts to choke up because the depth of this is unspeakable.

When I think about having a baby, I always think about him or her as mine. I think about how Mike will be as a dad. How I’ll fall in love with him all over again when I see him holding our baby. But putting together how that baby will be part of my husband, will be his too, is a thought I’ve never consciously had before.

Tears stream down my face as I think about how special that will be. How amazing. The love I have for my husband and this future little person, little version of him, I’m not sure I’ve ever felt anything like it.

Is this what Mike’s mom feels when she says she’s ready for grandchildren? Is this the feeling she’s looking forward to? If so, no wonder.

I think I’m starting to get it. That though kids come with so much uncertainty, so much risk, so many things you can’t protect them from, they are an expression of love. To create a child in that image, from that space, that place of love, has got to be unlike anything else in the world.

I’m looking forward to experiencing these things some day.

i desire…

Posted on by jplatt27

desire

I’m leading a book group as part of Danielle LaPorte’s World’s Biggest Book Club. At the end of our last meeting we went around and shared, off the cuff, what we desire. (inspired by p. 23)

I desire…

to giggle with my husband at least once a day, to make a ritual of taking our future kids to Barnes and Noble and/or the library regularly to pick out new books together, to write, to have my words inspire and comfort other people, to host a standing Sunday brunch, to have a job that lights me up, to move my body every day in a way that feels right that day, to let go and feel free, to have fresh painted nails more often than not, to get in bed at the end of the day feeling a good kind of tired and already relaxed, to get lost in a good book, to go to happy hour regularly…

That’s all for now.

Wanna play? Share in the comments! It’s fun!

 

how to keep the holidays joyful

Posted on by jplatt27

Mike’s aunt gave his mom some great advice for the holidays. She said “decide what you want to do and just do that.”

Simple. Decide what you want to do and just do that.

This time of year is crazy. There are lots of places to go and people to see. And a lot of tasks that need to be completed to go to those places and see those people.

For a time of year that is supposed to be about family, love, joy, hope, and peace, there are so many demands on your time and energy.

It’s easy to get burnt out and not enjoy the most wonderful time of the year. In fact, many times this time of year can be one of the most stressful.

I think that’s partly because we feel so many obligations. Feel like we have to do this or that to make someone else happy. And often we give in to those obligations and in doing so, we still a little bit of joy from ourselves.

But it really doesn’t have to be this way. We can start with the simple advice from Mike’s aunt. Decide what you want to do and just do that.

You can do it. Trust me.

I actually had a great experience with this last year. Last year, I mentioned that we were having a new type of Thanksgiving. But, I never shared how that went.

Long story short Thanksgiving usually goes like this: lunch at 1pm, dinner at 4pm, double food coma and complete exhaustion by 6pm. Last year, I said we’re going to do it different. I’d really like to take a nap after the first meal instead of rush around. So I told my dad that we’d come a little bit later. After the first meal at Mike’s parents, I took a nap. I woke up without an alarm and as soon as I woke up I wanted to go see my family. We got there around 6 or so and ended up staying and chatting for hours. I think we didn’t leave until close to 11!

In doing that, we got relaxed, quality time with both of our families. I was completely present and happy at both events and my family was able to have all of me, the happy, joyful Joanna. They got me. The Joanna I want to be.

So, I know from experience, you can decide what you want to do and just do that. And your holidays may actually be happier for it.

Tell me: what do you really want to do this holiday season? what do you want permission not to do?

P.S. Here’s a beautiful post about this same subject:

back from a long holiday

Posted on by jplatt27

It’s been over a month since I wrote!  December was a doozy for some reason–just lots going on and since I haven’t been doing a great job of managing my SAD, my energy for anything that wasn’t completely necessary was pretty much nil.

But, I’m back from 9 days in PA and this break has brought my writing brain back.

I guess I’ll start where I left off: Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving was great this year.  We changed things up slightly and it worked out perfectly.  We relaxed through lunch with Mike’s family, not looking at our watches with one foot out the door the entire time. Then, I took a nap for an hour or so.  As soon as I woke up I was ready to go to my Dad’s to see my family! We got there around 6:30 and ended up staying ’til 11:00! Because I wasn’t tired and itching to go to bed the whole time, I was fully present and really relaxed into the evening.

I’m into this casual, come and go when you feel like it thing.  It’s much more my speed.  Though we still went through all of the same activities we have for years, the mind-set was different. And that changed everything.

I’m glad to be back.  Looking forward to catching up with you all much more frequently in 2013.

Love, love, love!