Tag: goals

049: July Q&A

Posted on by jplatt27

 

This month’s Q&A questions come from Brit and Dave. In this episode of Love Always, Jo I actually didn’t get any questions for me so I thought it’d be fun to have my husband Mike answer some questions for me. In this episode, Mike answers questions about what it’s like to be married to a life coach, how to stay positive, and choosing a job that makes you happy.

 

Links:

 

Quotes:

  • Things don’t always have to be the way you were taught that they should be – Mike
  • If you numb one feeling you numb all the feelings — Brene Brown
  • May everyone find something in their life that makes them feel the way the Eagles winning the Super Bowl makes Mike feel — Joanna
  • Do what makes you happy and not what you think you should be doing – Mike

 

Journal Prompts:

  • What does resistance sound like in your head?
  • When things aren’t going great in life what are things that you can look at and say yeah but look at ____.
  • What parts of Mikes story do you relate to
  • Where can you be more supportive of yourself
  • What checkboxes are you working toward that you don’t feel aligned with

 

Follow Mike:

Instagram

 

What is it like being married to a life coach?

You get the full range of emotions pretty much every day it’s really good Joanna’s helped me get through a lot of stuff that I don’t think another partner would be able to do. I’m really grateful it’s your superpower.

 

Assuming that you feel resistance to feeling your feelings, what does your resistance “sound like” in your head? What does it say when you’re edging up against emotions you don’t necessarily want to deal with? And then what helps you push past those thoughts and face your emotions? — Brit, @jammarketinggroup

 

(Mike) We talk a lot about numbing and there’s a distance to feeling things you don’t want to feel turns into numbing and that’s doing something mindless or grasping for something you don’t need but feels comfortable to help deflect some of those feelings and feel like you’re in a safer space. It’s like when I turn on the news and just veg out it’s distracting me from stress or anxiety about work.

 

Resistance in my head sounds like avoidance— ‘you can deal with it later’ but not really believing it because it’s still weighing on you. So using things like turning on the news to distract from stress or going out to eat so I’m not sitting at home stuck in my head.

 

What helps me to push past it is time, there’s only so long you can numb out for before you realize you have to face it and just do it. Sometimes things at work stress me out so when I come home I tend to resist thinking about what’s going on the next day or the things on my to do list I have to do. It turns me into a procrastinator which I’m not which is something I really hate the idea of.

 

(Joanna) I took Brit’s new online test to determine what your marketing personality is and through that I learned I’m a P (which is super free flowing) and Mike is a J (which is structure and routine) which makes sense as to why you’re not (or don’t want to be) a procrastinator.

 

You recently made a career move that was pretty brave, can you tell us about how you made that choice?

 

(Mike) The deeper thing for me would be that I have a fear and hatred of being wrong or not knowing how to do something when people expect that I know how to do it. That’s what would give me stress at work; I’ve always been really good at my job and as I started moving up in positions I’d get around more and more people who were older than me and had more experience which would cause me to feel partially like the weak link. And that would exacerbate the things that would cause the anxiety of “I don’t know what I’m doing” and those feelings would lead to the daily numbing out because I didn’t want to be in the situation again.

 

In my last job from day one, I felt that I didn’t know what I was doing and then it essentially bottomed out/came to the surface and I started to have breakdowns feeling that the weight of the company was on my shoulders. It started because there was the daily numbing and escapism of looking at jobs that weren’t in DC anymore. Once I started to face it head on I hired a life coach (Kristen of Clarity on Fire) and it helped give me outlets and come up with solutions to mitigate the intense feelings and help me get through the days and weeks. It helped me get clarity on what I wanted to do next. Part of what I did was write down my core desired feelings— that was the start of figuring out what I wanted and was something I used to help evaluate future job opportunities I was having.

 

How do you stay positive all the time and how are you supportive of Joanna and others. Do you have tips about how others can be as supportive to others? — Dave – @dclands

 

(Mike) I think I’ve always been a generally optimistic person, so I think the positivity and stuff come naturally to me. Being able to be so supportive of what Joanna’s doing now is a result of our relationship and I think she’s taught me that there’s a different path to life than what we’ve been told. Things don’t always have to be the way you were taught that they should be. Or the way that is “normal”. The idea of Joanna being a life coach isn’t anything we were exposed to growing up; dads went off to work at a 9-5, moms stayed home, very middle-class upbringing. You assume you’ll grow up, go to college, get a job, buy a house, and have kids. I think in our relationship Joanna taught me you don’t have to do that, you can do things intentionally and it doesn’t have to fit the mold that everyone else is doing. If it’s right for you then it’s the right thing.

 

(Joanna) You have a very live and let live attitude which I think also helps with that.

 

(Mike) When you’re numbing out that’s not a time to be supportive. If you’re numbing yourself out then its much harder to be optimistic, fun, and supportive of someone else because you don’t want to deal with anything. A tip would be to be conscious of when you’re numbing out and then try to get yourself out of it so you can have the bandwidth to hear what’s going on with someone else.

 

(Joanna) When you’re in a constant battle with your inner critic believing that you have to live your life a certain way, you’re also putting that lens on everyone else. So one thing you can do to be more supportive of others is to be supportive and compassionate with yourself. That will help you be more present and shift you out of the numbness/judgmental feeling.

 

I think it was really brave of you to make the change in your job. Can you share how you had the courage to make the change?

 

(Mike) I started my new job a month ago and for the first 10 years of my career it was straight out of college and I just wanted to keep moving up and was very focused on titles and feeling like I was working for the right company or organization. I had the umbrella that I wanted to do public service, which is why I worked where I did. And in the past 5 years when I was at my last job I had the opportunity to get promoted and became a manager for the first time in a high-profile job in our CEO’s office. Through that, I got the opportunity to join a leadership development program which is all about developing me and the others in my cohort for future VP roles in the company. You move through different jobs in the company so that when the time comes you’re ready to be a VP in the company. In the last few years, I started having a push-pull feeling realizing that I didn’t want to work. I work because I need money to do things outside of work, which isn’t something I’d felt until a few years ago. It boils down to the fact that I had a literal plan of where I was going and what I needed to do to get to the next position and I didn’t enjoy the process. Probably because I wasn’t doing anything anymore it was more strategy/big picture. So I started looking for a new job outside the organization and I started thinking if I don’t want to work but I have to do something, what do I actually want to do? The work I always got the most satisfaction out of when I sat down at my desk was task-oriented work, like administrative work. I’d rather have a dozen small things to do a day rather than one big thing to do each day. I put things on to do lists just to mark them off sometimes.

 

So I reached out to a recruiting firm that specialized in that type of work and started going down the path of an executive assistant. For me it was what I liked doing and I get satisfaction from the work I’d do. An opportunity came up at rapid speed (less than 3 weeks from interview to hire) and since I made the move my quality of life has improved greatly. I feel like I’m back in the right place for me. I don’t feel like the weight of the company is on my shoulders anymore and at the end of the day I can look at my to do list and feel satisfied that I completed something. It feels natural, like it’s what I’m supposed to be doing.

 

(Joanna) How’d you get there internally?

 

(Mike) While it didn’t feel like a risk, it did feel like a big decision but knowing how stressed I was and how much it was impacting me I knew it wasn’t sustainable. I finally feel like I can actually enjoy my weekend, not dreading Monday and having to go back to work.

 

Love Always, Jo is about lighting you up and relishing your joy—so Mike, what is making you glow from the inside out?

(Mike) The Eagles won the SuperBowl—I still can’t believe it actually happened. From watching the Eagles play 20+ years you get to a point where you don’t think it’s ever going to happen and to see the way they won it. The reason why I’m beaming when talking about it is that I’m really interested and passionate about sports. It’s such a part of who I am and being a fan of those teams is such a part of my identity and the identity of Philadelphia sports is not one of winning a lot, so the pure joy of the thing you’ve put so much time and emotions into that you have no control over and have come to fruition after 25 years is pretty amazing. It’s perspective changing.

 

What have you done recently that changed your morning workout game?

(Mike) I used to force myself on a morning workout routine because I don’t like working out in general and knew I wouldn’t do it at the end of the day. But a morning routine wasn’t working for me because I need time to wake up. One day I realized what if I flipped my morning routine and allowed myself to wake up, have coffee and then go workout? Since flipping that I’ve been able to keep that routine for about 6 weeks.

 

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043: May Q&A

Posted on by jplatt27

 

This month’s Q&A questions come from Brit and Miranda. In this episode of Love Always, Jo I’ll be answering questions about your inner child, making the workday more mindful, and starting new habits.

 

Quotes:

  • The needs of our inner child can be simple yet profound.
  • Being mindful is about consciously choosing what you’re doing and focusing on and reacting less
  • Being happy doesn’t have to threaten your relationships

 

Journal Prompts:

  • Think back to when you were 5, 8, 10, 12. What was going on in your life then? What did you need? What did you wish for?
  • What was the biggest threat to your well being and happiness when you were little?
  • What do you wish you had when you were little?
  • What type of experiences, relationships, material things?
  • What did you do for fun?
  • What did you want to be when you grew up?
  • When did you lose track of time?
  • What’s your happiest childhood memory?
  • What was your biggest fear?
  • What was your biggest unmet need?
  • What did you need more of?
  • What did you need less of?

 

How can I reconnect with my inner child and get to know her better?

 

Your inner child is there, just under the surface, always. In a lot of ways, she’s running the show of your life—from your big life goals to your smallest desires to your biggest and smallest triggers.

 

Your big girl dreams and your big girl worries are all tied up in the dreams, desires, worries, and wants of your little girl self. They’re the same.

 

If you get triggered by something and you have really really strong negative feelings about something and you’re not sure why it’s likely that your inner child is having a reaction and your inner critic has jumped in to protect your inner child from feeling that pain again.

 

Ask yourself: what does this remind me of? When have I felt this feeling before? Chances are there is a scared, hurt version of you as a child hidden under there.

 

A client and I were recently talking about dating. She said that she went on a lot of dates and some that were even good, but they ended up not going anywhere. When we dug into this a bit, she remembered a time in 8th grade when she told a boy she liked him and in science class, this news got out and she was embarrassed publicly for it. At that moment, a protector was born, an inner critic that would pull her back anytime she liked a guy and prevented her from expressing her feelings for him. Clearly, this would hold a person back in a relationship.

 

The needs of our inner child can be simple yet profound. One of the most powerful experiences I’ve had with my inner child was a walk around the tidal basin and Jefferson Memorial. I was listening to a workshop, ironically about the inner child. At first, I sat and listened. Then I started walking and listening. Then I stopped walking and paused the recording to just stop and be for a little bit. I continued at this pace, walking a little, stopping a little, just as it felt natural to me. This was an important experience for me and my inner child because one of my unmet needs as a kid was quality time with my parents, a quiet uninterrupted time to just go with the flow.

 

Here are some questions to explore — Think back to when you were 5, 8, 10, 12…

  • What was going on in your life then? What did you need? What did you wish for?
  • What was the biggest threat to your well being and happiness when you were little?
  • What do you wish you had when you were little?
  • What type of experiences, relationships, material things?
  • What did you do for fun?
  • What did you want to be when you grew up?
  • When did you lose track of time?
  • What’s your happiest childhood memory?
  • What was your biggest fear?
  • What was your biggest unmet need?
  • What did you need more of?
  • What did you need less of?

 

Want to explore this topic more with me? Schedule a free call here.

 

Do you have any tips for making the workday more mindful?

 

Take breaks — Instead of going through the click routine of checking emails, texts, social media, etc. between tasks, do a lap up and down the stairs to get your blood flowing, take your lunch break away from your workspace, take colorful plates/bowls to work to put your lunch on, take a break to go for a short walk, stare out the window/outside for a few minutes.

Check in with your body — Do stretches every little bit or take a few minutes between tasks to do some deep breathing exercises.

Watch the number of tabs you have open on your screen and mentally

Turn off notifications — Put your phone in a drawer and turn your notifications off, also think about turning off any notifications that are on your computer so you can focus more on the tasks you’re doing. Give yourself permission to reply to emails at specific intervals rather than in between tasks.

 

How do you implement new and better habits into your life if you fear judgment from your friends and family?

 

Acknowledge the fear you have and that it’s the inner critic. Worrying what your friends and family think are your inner critics tactics of keeping you safe and small. It does it because it works. It projects your fears onto your friends and family so that you won’t reach new heights and be better. Your inner critic does this to avoid being shunned or damage relationships.

 

Think about this — by you changing your habits may actually make your friends and family happy…and they may even want to join you. Usually when we make changes, no one even notices for a while, because a lot of the changes we make (setting more boundaries, eating better, going to the gym) are inner changes first and outer changes second.

 

If your friends and family do have a reaction to the changes you’re making, realize that it’s their inner critic popping up in their life keeping them safe. Some things you can do:

  1. Don’t get defensive, just reiterate what you’re doing and remind them their relationship with you isn’t changing just because you’re going to the gym 3 times a week.
  2. Remind yourself why you are making the change.
  3. Find some cheerleaders to help you keep the change going.

 

If you want to talk about change and have someone to keep you accountable to the changes you want to make I’d love to hop on a call with you!

 

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my intention for 2015

Posted on by jplatt27

I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions. But of course, I’m one for thoughtful reflection on my life and visioning for the future. So while I don’t have a resolution or a list of goals, I do have an intention for 2015.

My intention for 2015 is to be experiencing my best self.

What does that mean exactly? It means that when I sit on my couch at the end of 2015 I want to look back on a year where I learned a lot about how I show up when I’m my best self.

I haven’t been my best self in a really long time and changing jobs recently has given me a fresh start and a different, lighter energy. So, in 2015, I want to see what my best self is like because frankly, I’m not sure I know this person. I think she’s pretty great and has a lot of potential but I’m really interested to meet and experience her and see what she’s really like.

I wonder…
What can she do?
What can she create?
How much fun can she have?
How will she surprise me?

This may sound passive but it’s not (and won’t be) at all because I’m pretty sure my best self is a mover and shaker. Someone who both makes things happen but also savors the now.

So, to a radiant 2015 – cheers!

a milestone

Posted on by jplatt27

In a few minutes, I’ll lead my first coaching group call. I feel like I’m on the edge of something really big. Something that marks the beginning of something really great and new. The realization of a dream I’ve been working toward for 2 years. I want to take a minute to take it all in. I want to acknowledge all of the love that has gotten me to this point.

It started with my friends not laughing when I timidly tested the waters of this crazy thing by saying “I think I want to be a coach” before I really even knew what coaching was.

My family and Mike’s family not really knowing what coaching was or how the heck it’d ever pay my bills but going along with it anyway.

It was colleagues at my full-time job checking in to see how things were going and asking me to bring my skills to our full-time work.

My husband who has supported this big crazy dream emotionally and financially through the intense highs and lows, times of self-confidence and extreme bouts of self-doubt.

The coaches in my cohort that acknowledged my wide range of emotions as a gift for the first time, and lauded me for it.

The teachers that encouraged me to tap into my intuition and empathy–one of the biggest strengths I bring to my coaching practice.

Friends, coworkers, and strangers that let me practice on them.

My first clients that trusted me to help them believe in themselves.

It was big things like these words from my mom when I started doubting and questioning that this whole dream would even work: “Oh, it will work. Coaching works. You’re different now because of it.”

But it was smaller things too. Like Facebook likes. Or someone saying “that’s great!” when I shared literally the smallest possible advancement in this.

I can’t tell you how all of these doses of encouragement impacted me.

Thank you, all of you.

self care, shoulds, and dreams: an interview with Colleen from the Lunchbox Diaries

Posted on by jplatt27

I am so excited for today’s post. I’ve been participating in a 21-day blogging challenge with Flourish Online and one of the exercises was writing interview questions and sending them to someone you’d love to interview.

When I thought about what I’m about and some topics I’ve been thinking about lately and someone that’s got a great point of view on these topics, Colleen from The Lunchbox Diaries came to mind.

Colleen’s a girl that keeps it real and has a great message to share. She writes about body-image in a way that’s relatable, relationships in a way that make you want to reach out to your own friends and family and give them a hug, and perhaps what I love/admire the most is how she infuses humor into all of it.

Take it away, Colleen!

1. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? How does that fit with what you’re doing for work now?

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to help others. When I was very young, I thought that meant being a teacher, but I quickly learned that being in the classroom wasn’t for me. God bless teachers and the patience they have! Before middle school, my sights became focused on becoming a counselor. Studying people and their behaviors has always been of utmost interest to me, and it’s something I’ve always been pretty good at! It fits in with my line of work, as I’m an Employee Assistance Professional. I love the ability of working with personalities and conflict in the workplace. I find a great deal of purpose and enjoyment from helping others learn how to lead better, more productive, fulfilling lives.

2. What does self-care mean to you? How do you practice it?

Self-care means giving myself a break and “turning-off” so to speak. It means disconnecting my electronics and connecting with the important people in my life. I am lucky to be surrounded by a group that is hilarious, genuine, and loyal. I make sure to have “technology free” dates with my husband once a week, and I try my best to get together with my girlfriends at least once a week. I also do my best to schedule a “nothing weekend” with my husband once a month, and that means: no plans, no travel, no setting alarms, etc.

3. What are your biggest “shoulds”?

I am constantly “shoulding all over myself.” It’s terrible! I SHOULD go to the gym. I SHOULD accept that social invitation [that sounds totally draining.] I SHOULD take on more “extracurricular activities.” I SHOULD write more blog posts each week. I SHOULD say yes. Oh my gosh, the list really does go on and on. Thankfully, I’m aware of my should problem, and it’s something I’m activity working on correcting!

4. Do you have a tribe? How do you stay connected to them?

Oh, absolutely. I would be nothing without my tribe. My husband, my family, and my several dear friends are the people I am lucky enough to call my tribe. I stay connected to them by making time for them; that sounds silly, but it actually takes effort to make time for people, you know? It’s so easy to get in the work, sleep, eat, repeat routine and not make time for people. Whether it’s making a date out of grocery shopping with my husband, or having happy hour with my girlfriends, or facetiming with my brother – it’s just about being intentional with my time and energy.

5. What’s a piece of advice you’ve been given that’s stuck with you?

I was introduced to the Judy Gardland quote, “It’s better to be a first rate version of yourself, rather than a second rate version of someone else” when I was in high school, and that has resonated with me ever since. What I tend to forget is that I am the best Colleen Nichols out there. I cheat myself when I try to be someone else, or compare someone else’s highlight reel to my behind the scenes footage. It’s human nature to want to compare ourselves to others, but being a first rate version of myself has been a piece of advice that’s always done me well.

6. What’s on your inspiration list?

Oh, I’m inspired daily, so my list is a mile long! At the top are my mom and my husband. My mom is selfless and strong and has the greatest work ethic of anyone I’ve ever known. My husband is also my daily inspiration. He’s truly the most amazing person I know; he’s wicked smart, outrageously talented, and he makes me belly-laugh every day.

7. Do you have a big-crazy dream? What is it?

I do, and I’m just starting to actually voice it to other people, which is scary and exciting all at the same time. My big-crazy dream is to one day be my own boss and make a living off of writing and coaching others. I love my job, but writing and empowering others are my two real passions in life. Man, being able to do that on my own, well that would be a big-crazy dream come true.

Thanks again, Colleen! Show Colleen some love on her blog, Facebook page, or Twitter.

P.S. What is self-care anyway?

now things

Posted on by jplatt27

There are so many things we want to do in life: jobs we want to have, vacations to take, relationships to have, things to own. And we tend to want all of the things. Right. Now.

Pressure to have and do all of things makes life so much less fun. Takes away from the joy of right now.

Learning to decide what’s a now thing, an idea or a goal that you want to pursue in this season, and which are visions for the future is one of the most powerful and freeing things we can learn.

Often things we want from a well-meaning, genuine place become “shoulds” and we beat ourselves up for not having enough or doing enough. When our desires become our self judgements, they lose something. Their power becomes evil. When this happens it drains our mental, emotional, creative energy that we could be using to fuel our now things.

So tell me, what are your now things and what are your future things?

For me, my now things are living fully in DC, learning to take really good care of myself, and paying off my student loans. My future things are being a mom and a full-time coach.

P.S. You don’t deserve to feel shitty.

 

step away from the problem

Posted on by jplatt27

Sometimes you don’t need to work to figure it out.

The amazing thing about the human brain is that it doesn’t need to be consciously thinking about things to be working on solutions.

I was a math major in college. We frequently had take home exams — some proofs couldn’t be completed in a 1 hour time window. I worked on this one proof for hours and just wasn’t getting anywhere. No kidding, I woke up at 4am knowing the answer. I scribbled down the proof and went back to sleep. When I got the test back, it was right!

I’ll sit in front of a blank screen at work trying to write a letter. The second I get to the bus stop at the end of the day, the words come pouring out. Luckily I carry a notebook with me everywhere and jot down a full letter while it’s fresh in my mind. And usually it’s pretty much good to go after that.

Moral of the story — stop worrying and focusing so much on the problem at hand. I’m sure you’ve churned this over in your brain enough already. Have faith that your brain is working on it and go do something else. The answer will come soon enough.

Has this ever happened to you?

Where could you benefit from a mental break and letting it work itself out?

it’s ok to want what you want

Posted on by jplatt27

Deep down you know what you want.

It’s OK to want that.

In fact, it’s more than ok. It’s amazing. It’s necessary. There will be less tension and stress in the world if you do.

Give yourself permission to want that.

When you want what you want and own it, you give the universe permission to bring it to you. And when you get it, everybody wins. Because you’ll add a little more joy to the world.

Can you imagine if we all did that? If we all gave ourselves permission to want what we want? That little bit of peace from each of us would change the world.

that’s me

Posted on by jplatt27

I love when I read something and think “oh my God, that’s me.” That’s exactly how I felt when I read this passage:

“So I decided that’s what God wanted to me to do. He wanted me to walk around telling people the truth. No mask, no hiding, no pretending. That was going to be my thing. I was going to make people feel better about their insides by showing them mine. By being my real self.” ~Glennon Doyle Melton, Carrior On Warrior

I try to do this here on my blog, but also in true, honest conversations with the people I interact with on a daily basis. I want authenticity to be my thing.

Have you read anything lately that made you think that’s me? If so, share in the comments.

a quote to help with uncertainty

Posted on by jplatt27

I’ve been feeling a little uncertain about my career and purpose lately (read: since college) so this quote, shared in my Desire Map Book Club Facebook group, really resonated with me. I read it and felt like it was written just for me. If you’ve been feeling uncertain or anxious, I hope you find comfort in it too.

Sending so much love,
Joanna

“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”  ~Rainer Maria Rilke