Tag: inspiration

marriage myth buster

Posted on by jplatt27

I’m reading The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and I can already tell this is going to be a great read.

In the first chapter he explores myths about marriage.  I’m happy to share that I am a real life example of a myth buster.

Here’s the myth:

Neuroses or personality problems ruin marriages. p. 13

I’m not sure exactly how much of my crazy has come through on the blog but I can be a little nuts and sometimes a lot to handle.  Luckily, this isn’t keeping me from having a happy and healthy relationship.  And Gottman agrees that a little crazy doesn’t have to ruin a marriage or prevent you from having one.

“The point is that neuroses don’t have to ruin a marriage. What matters is how you deal with them. If you can accommodate each other’s strange side and handle it with caring, affection, and respect, your marriage can thrive.”  –p. 14

When I read that in line to vote yesterday, I was like “yes! so true!” and showed it to Mike.

Talk to me:

How does your significant other handle your crazy? Mike handles my crazy with patience and love and by giving me space to feel whatever it is I’m feeling. 

How do you respond to his with caring, affection, and respect? I think I’m a little stumped by my own question, to be honest.  Again, I think it’s through space and listening. 

my vision board

Posted on by jplatt27

In preparation for my vision board party over the summer, I made a vision board of my own.

Here it is:

I kept feeling like it wasn’t done but after a month or so, I realized that this board does, in fact, reflect the life that I want.

Starting at the bottom, I want a career that is a foundation for the lifestyle I want, one that allows me to help others, to feel balanced, to continue to grow and evolve, and to have a flexible schedule.

The heart of the life I want, the middle of the board, is filled with family, friends, love, and a warm home.

And at the top, romance, relaxing, alone time, beauty, leisure, vacation.

It is my hope that each of these pieces supports the others.

With this vision in mind, I can continue to create the life I want.

Have you ever made a vision board?  What are some key things you’re looking for in your life?

a realization from a sex dream

Posted on by jplatt27

The other night I had what seemed like a strange dream but was actually very telling.

I have to share the dream to give full effect.

In my dream…

Mike and I were making out pretty passionately in bed when all of a sudden Mike said “wait, I have something to show you.”  He stood at the end of the bed and started doing tai chi moves.  “I learned these for you,” he said. Immediately, my body went from hot to cold.  I was completely turned off. “Ok, you can stop now,” I said awkwardly.

When I woke up…

Weird, huh? I woke up thinking how bizarre the dream was.

And then I realized its meaning: I love my husband and am attracted to him exactly the way he is.

I’m always asking Mike to come to yoga with me, to read this personal development book or watch that inspirational spiritual or business video with me. I’ll push him think about his next career move and where he wants to be in 10 years. And I get a little frustrated when he’s not interested.

But these things aren’t Mike. Like not at all.

Frankly, if Mike was throwing a yoga mat over his shoulder on Saturday mornings or brewing coffee in anticipation of Super Soul Sunday that would just be weird. If Mike was throwing out ideas left and right about potential dream jobs or career moves I would wonder what was going on. Because it’s not him.

I fell in love with Mike and continue to love him just the way he is.  We are very different in many ways–he yells at the TV during Philadelphia sports games and agonizes over political debates while I yell about people not fulfilling their dreams and agonize over relationships.  But I think that’s why we work.

Bottom line is if he changed in the ways I sometimes want him to, I probably wouldn’t be turned on by it in the way I think I would.  In fact, I know I wouldn’t, it would just be weird.

Do you have things you wish your significant other would do or was interested in?  

Have you gotten messages from your dreams lately?

what's the goal?

Posted on by jplatt27

6:07 this morning.

I get out of bed to head to the gym.

I sit on the couch to put on my sneakers, thinking that maybe that’s not a good idea, I don’t want to get too comfortable.

As I fill up my water bottle I realize I’m moving kind of slow and am tempted to get back in bed.

But then I realize that my goal is to get to the gym three times a week.  That’s it.

It’s not get to the gym with pep in your step.

It’s not go to the gym and run 5 miles.

It’s not pop out of bed at 5:40 and run to the car to get to the gym.

It’s not go to the gym and do my strength training routine from my trainer complete with lunges and squat jumps.

No, it’s get to the gym.  It’s that simple.

So maybe I’m moving kind of slow and sitting on the couch lacing up my sneakers, maybe I’m not bouncing out the door revved for a killer work-out.  Maybe my legs can’t even fathom lunges this morning.

It’s ok.  Because as long as I get there, I’ve met my goal.

So I let myself take my time filling my water bottle.  And then I thought, maybe I’ll just bring my book and sit on the bike and pedal and read. I strolled to the car instead of walking with purpose.

I got the gym, parked myself on an upright bike next to two other readers, opened my book and started pedaling and reading.  It felt good to move my body and I could feel myself starting to warm up.

I lasted 7 minutes before my mind started to wander and I wanted to move more.

I switched to a spin bike, turned on my iPod, and started grooving and spinning.

If I would’ve stopped before I walked out the door, stopped because I thought I couldn’t do it, I would’ve missed out on the benefit that my goal is set to up to give me: energy.

And because I allowed myself to relax and refocus on the goal instead of the perfect completion of the goal, I not only met the goal but exceeded it.

 

 

 

if you have to cry, go outside. [a review]

Posted on by jplatt27

I got Kelly Cutrone’s If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You from a friend who’d read it and thought I would like it.

Honestly I was a bit skeptical going into it.  I didn’t know who Kelly Cutrone is and the cover didn’t really pull me in. I mean “if you have to cry go outside” isn’t really a mantra that resonates with me. (Clearly.  1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

But this book was far from the coldness I felt in the title.  Frankly, it was warm and comforting.

Kelly (think I can call her that?) discusses finding yourself in your twenties and early thirties after the school path you were on ends and you’re left to design your own. She talks about many things that I’ve struggled with during my quarter-life crisis: career, babies, spirituality, relationships.

I was touched by her honesty, by her wisdom, and by how much her words resonated with me.  How much her message aligns so much with my own.

Some passages that resonated with me:

“I happen to believe the world will change only when we change ourselves.  And that starts with finding ourselves.  And that starts with listening to ourselves: learning to quiest the clamor in our minds and the voices of everyone around us and move toward what feels right–toward the things we know, for reasons we can’t explain, that we’re meant to do, the things that make us feel alive.” p. 9

“Study as many religions and teachings as possible; take what you like from each and leave the rest…Women should spend as much time looking for a religion of their own as they do trying to find a hot guy to have sex with. Because let’s be honest: there are too many examples of magic and miracles in this world to say with any certainty that there isn’t something fantastically wonderful going on here…if you don’t have faith in yourself and in something larger than yourself, and if you want to take this world at face value, you’re going to have a fucking nasty ride.” pp. 75-76

“We’re constantly moving from level to level, trying to collect the promised prizes, without stopping to think about the order we want these things to come in, or whether we even really want them at all.” p. 99

“It doesn’t matter how glamorous or lucrative a career may seem fro the outside; if it’s not the path you’re meant to be on, you will never be happy or fulfilled doing it.” p. 136

“I firmly believe that each woman is a goddess and that deep down inside herself she knows it.” p. 151

Aren’t these gems?  I’m sure there are many others that I loved but for whatever reason didn’t jot down as I was reading.

I really enjoyed this book and have already recommended it to a few friends. And now I recommend it to you.

Thank you, Kelly, for sharing this wisdom with us.

Question for you:

Do any of the passages above resonate with you?  If you’ve read the book, do you have others to add?

 

joanna's morning affirmations

Posted on by jplatt27

Have you seen Jessica’s Daily Affirmations on You Tube? It makes me smile every time.

I love this little girl’s excitement over life.  She’s so energetic and full of love.

I’ve actually been feeling pretty full of love recently so I thought I would do my own.

Here’s my version:

I love my sisters.

I love my life.

I love my hair.

I love my body.

I love my husband.

I can do anything good.

I love my apartment, and my bed, and the windows.

I love my co-workers.

I love my mom.

I love my dad.

I love my brother.

I. love. everything!

I love my friends.

I love my kitchen.

I love my clothes.

I have everything I need.

I love my bus and the sun and my neighborhood.

I. am. happy.

And powerful.

I am enough.

I am strong.

I am beautiful.

I love me.

Geez, imagine I woke up each day and recited these to myself in the mirror with the same gusto and enthusiasm and authenticity as Jessica.  How powerful would that be?

I invite you to join me by sharing a few lines of your own in the comments or on the Things After the Rings Facebook Page. Bloggers, I’d love to see you post your own on your blog.

Imagine if we all woke up each day and said things similar to this to ourselves in the mirror.  Wow, there’d be a lot of a happy women walking around.

the worst part of being an adult

Posted on by jplatt27

The real world.  We’ve all got to enter it at some point.  It includes bill paying, work, finding a new identity that’s not student, and while all of that has its challenges, none of these are the worst part of being an adult.

Let me explain…

….

It’s about noon on Sunday and my best friends from college and I are sprawled across two beds in the hotel room we shared after LEM‘s bachelorette party wishing we could all go back to sleep for about 4 more hours.  We were out til 4am, drinking and dancing up a storm.  Our heads hurt and we’re so tired. But as I cuddle and chat with my best friends, all 6 of us together, this warm loving feeling spreads over me and I say “isn’t life just so good right now?” They all laugh because it’s ridiculous–we’re exhausted and the room is spinning a bit–but I know deep down they all agree.

….

It’s a Sunday breakfast that turns into three hours over coffee and crepes, a lunch date that leaves you bouncing into your office, a happy hour that turns into dinner and a bottle of wine and not getting home until 10:30 on a Monday.

….

It’s a text message telling you about a DC pizza place on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives or an email mid-day Wednesday asking how the week is going.

….

Yes, these are some of the best things in life.

But they point to the worst thing about being an adult: there’s never enough time for friends. 

And maybe the flip side of that is realizing how valuable these people are.  And finally learning to shift your priorities to make time for them.  Because they are everything.

 

Talk to me: what do you think is the worst part of being an adult?

falling is not failing

Posted on by jplatt27

Last night I went to my favorite yoga class and during the balance track, I was reminded of something I’ve been wanting to share for a while.

It must’ve been a year and half ago that I heard this phrase during a balance pose. It brought tears to my eyes that first time because of the pure truth of it.  And it’s stuck with me ever since.

Falling is not failing.

Falling is not failing.

Though the balance poses are seemingly simple and don’t require much physical strength or stamina, they can be very challenging.  Sometimes you’ll lose balance or focus and start to wobble a little bit but catch yourself.  Other times, you’ll topple over and touch the ground.  But if you keep at it, you’ll find your way.

But touching down on the ground is not failure.  It means you pushed yourself, it means you tried.  If you didn’t try, you couldn’t fall. If you didn’t try at all, you wouldn’t find the pose.

In life, we all fall sometimes. But when we do, it’s important to remember that falling is not failing.

When it comes to my career I toppled over quite a bit on the way to finding my balance.

For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a teacher.  I taught right out of undergrad and lasted three months. My life long dream of changing the world one child at a time lasted all of three months.  I couldn’t do it. I quit before Thanksgiving of my first year.

I started at my current job in the development office of a university here in DC shortly after.  Within six months, cubicle life started to weigh on me. While I enjoyed my job and the people around me, I knew I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing and I was constantly on a search to figure out what I was going to “be.” Part of me still couldn’t believe that I wasn’t a teacher.

Though I never wanted to go back to teaching, teaching/educating/inspiring people was an integral part of me. I explored options within my current field while at the same time taking classes with my tuition benefit. I started down the path to become a career counselor and finished a group of courses on the subject.  I applied for a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. I didn’t get in.  While of course it stung to get rejected, part of me was relieved.

But I was stumped.  Now what? Over the next year or so I grappled with what to do. I decided I’d try a course in the business school. I always thought an MBA would be practical and that I’d be interested in it.  It’s versatile.  Why not? I was able to take a class without being admitted into the program so I dipped my toe in the water with a course on organizations and leadership. While I thought the course was interesting when class was in session, it was literally like pulling teeth to get me to start on assignments. I felt an overwhelming amount of stress from one class that was really not that difficult.  Something about it just didn’t sit right with me.  When I decided to drop the class I’d enrolled in for the second half of the semester, I was immensely relieved.  Huge weight off my shoulders.

And now, after falling a handful of times over the last four years, I’ve finally found the right fit: I am a life coach.  Now that I’ve found it, it makes complete sense.  All of the things I tried up to this point had aspects of coaching in it but none were exactly what I wanted. And so, after a while, I’d topple.

But not now.  Not this time. With life coaching, it’s like I’m beaming in star pose.  This feels completely right.  I start my formal training next weekend and I couldn’t be more excited.  I’ve already done a bunch of lengthy assignments for the program and while they were challenging, they never felt like work.

It wasn’t easy to get here.  In front of family, friends, and co-workers, it seemed like I toppled over arms flailing again and again. I fell so many times.

But you know how it feels when you finally nail a pose–like crow pose or something–and though you’re scared to death that you might fall flat on your head if you lose balance, when you find yourself holding the pose, even for five seconds, there’s that elation, that feeling of pure bliss, like wow. You know it?

 source

Yeah, that’s what this feels like.

So no matter what you’re trying to figure out, whether it’s a career or a significant other or a new recipe or a new way with money or whatever, remember falling is not failing.

Creating lives we love

Posted on by jplatt27

Yesterday I hosted my first vision board party.

While planning this party and waiting for RSVPs to come in, I hoped I would get a good turnout and maybe worried I wouldn’t. But then I reminded myself that the women that everyone that was meant to be here would show up.  And I truly believe that’s what happened.

I had a wonderful group of 7 amazing, beautiful, creative women: two friends from work, my Girls on the Run partner, a friend from high school, a friend that’s dating one of my friends from high school, my little from my sorority, and another friend from college.

We spent the afternoon flipping through magazines and gathering images, words, and phrases that inspired us. Then we each organized our clippings onto poster boards to create a vision for our lives.

This is the first step in creating lives we love.

Each board was different: some were vertical, some horizontal; some all words, some all photos. But each board was beautiful and inspiring, and hopeful in its own way.

As we went around sharing key pieces of our boards, I was so touched by what each woman had to share. I’ve known most of the girls for at least a few years at this point and I was still surprised and inspired by what they included on their boards. It was awesome–as in I was literally in awe of the the women, my friends, that came out. The best version of each woman and what the lives the aspire to have.

My heart was. so. happy. Even recalling this now, my heart is swelling with joy.

Thank you again to the girls that came out to support me. You each have a special place in my heart.

I can’t wait to host my next party. Probably late August or early September!

But who knows…it could be sooner!

I’d love to know:

Have you ever made a vision board?

what i've learned about journaling

Posted on by jplatt27

I used to think journaling was like keeping a diary in elementary school.  Every night before bed you’d write about what you did that day:

“Dear Diary, today I went to the my friend’s house.  It was fun. We played…”

I knew there were benefits to journaling but writing in that way always seemed forced and rarely brought the therapeutic relief it is supposed to bring.

When I was planning my wedding I carried a small notebook around with me to take notes and jot down ideas, lists, etc. When I started blogging, I continued to carry the notebook around with me to jot down notes and post ideas, random thoughts, emotions, etc. And what began as drafting potential blog posts turned into an appreciation for exploring and expressing emotions through writing.

Now I write when I feel like writing: waiting for the bus on a Saturday afternoon (when this post was drafted), at 5am when I wake up with lots of thoughts, on the bus, when I waiting for my computer to re-boot at work.

I’m still finding my way, learning more about what I like to write, what prevents me from writing certain things, and how to get around those hang ups.

You may have noticed that I rarely write posts that recap a weekend or a day or a trip (Chicago part 1, part 2, part 3). It’s because for me writing posts like that is kind of excruciating.

Writing a timeline narrative is not my thing.  I like to explore feelings and events and I always feel like I go too off course. If the main idea is “what I did today,” I can’t do that because I feel like I have to get to the end of the day and list every single thing I did and until I get there it will not be over.  I also feel like I have to include every. single. detail or the post is somehow dishonest or inaccurate or I’m not telling the whole story. [I had to edit myself in the most recent what’s for dinner? wednesday post and assure myself that not sharing that I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things did not take away from the point of the story: I made lunch, then decided we should go on a picnic and made it happen.] And that makes me stressed. Journaling should not be stressful.

Here’s what I’ve learned, what I would share to beginners (and I advise that you all try journaling if you don’t already), and what I continually remind myself:

  • you don’t have to start at the “beginning”
  • you don’t have to get to the “end”
  • you don’t have to include every. single. detail.
  • remember how good it feels once you write (kind like how good it feels once you get your butt to the gym)
  • write when you feel inspired
  • it’s therapeutic to write about things that happened in the past
  • it’s energizing to write about hopes and dreams you have for the future…in detail

 

I’d love to know…

Do you keep a journal?

If so…

How often to do you write?  | When do you write? | What does journaling mean to you?

Have you had any issues journaling? | What have you learned through your journaling practice?

If not…

Why not? | Do you have concerns or blocks about journaling like I did? | What’s your favorite way to explore your emotions?