Tag: relationship

the real process of a wedding

Posted on by jplatt27

All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks – all those sentences that began with “when we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will” – those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe”- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. ~Union by Robert Fulghum, one of our wedding readings

Writing our vows was one of the most powerful things we’ve ever done. It was also one of the scariest.

Vow Ideas

We sat in Starbucks on a Sunday morning, trying to put together the thoughts we had each jotted down separately into promises we’d build our marriage on. It was intense. I remember looking at him and sharing things I’d never said out loud before about what he meant to me and what I hoped for our future.

Trying to articulate something you feel so deeply is tricky.  Opening your heart, really putting yourself out there, even to someone you love so deeply and have known for so long isn’t easy. You feel vulnerable, raw even. Just thinking about this experience I’m getting that “I-don’t-want-to-cry-and-am-holding-back-tears” feeling in my throat. It was more than two years ago.

How often do you actually express what you value as a couple, how you want to love each other, what your hopes are? You don’t really. Many things just go unsaid or assumed.

Whether or not you plan to write and say your own vows in your upcoming wedding, or whether or not you’ve already said “I do,” I think this act of sitting down together to write promises, to share what you love about your relationship and the qualities you want to define your relationship in the long run, is a powerful one. It’s one that may make you feel exposed and vulnerable but one that is really worth it.  It’s an intimate experience that brings you together closer than you’ve been before. It certainly brought us together in a deeper way than ever before.

Talk to me:

Did you/would you write your own vows?

Would you have a conversation with your husband or wife now? If so, what promises would you like you make to your spouse?

 

 

link love

Posted on by jplatt27

There is nothing better than waking up on Saturday morning, getting coffee, and reading. Each Friday, I’ll share some links that I think are worthy of falling into that precious Saturday morning time.

Mug.jpg

1. We’re heading on vacation with a group of friends this weekend so this post on traveling in a group caught my eye. I definitely agree with tips 5 and 6, even for life in general.

2. Mmm, mmm, mmm. This may have to be the first recipe we make when we get back from vacation.

3. This post about writing caught my eye. It’s definitely one I want to re-read at some point.

4. Jess Lively wrote a post on praying and relationships this week. Though I’m a little nervous to try it, I definitely think it would be immensely powerful.

5. I’ve definitely been thinking about how vacations fit in with life, how I want to spend my vacation doing simple things I wish I did all the time in my “normal” life. I even wrote a newsletter about the vacations you daydream about and how to use that inform your life.  This post about escaping to reality versus escaping from reality made me think even more.

new on love always, jo this week:

my brave husband and the conversation no woman wants to have

Posted on by jplatt27

A Tuesday night cuddling on the couch turned into a conversation no woman wants to have.

Mike: Want to go to the gym with me in the morning?

Me: No. No gym for me.

Mike: Yeah, I noticed you haven’t been to the gym in a while.

From there, he went on to express concern about my sabbatical from the gym and my subsequent weight gain and the impact of both on my health.

I’m speechless. This is a girl’s worst nightmare. I think I almost laugh because I feel so uncomfortable. I don’t know what to say.

Part of me is frustrated. Part of me is just so embarrassed. And I’m like crap, what am I supposed to do with this information?

I don’t want what I do or do not eat* and how often I exercise to be about my husband. I want it to be about me. Decisions I want to make for myself not because I want a pat on the back.

I thanked Mike for saying something. It’s something I’d been feeling myself–that my body wasn’t where I wanted it to be. I’d been feeling fat. Most of my clothes don’t fit. But I’m so focused on my business right now that I put my physical health on the back burner. I was letting myself go a bit. I also acknowledged him for saying something because it takes courage to bring something like this up to your wife.

I was really stunned by the conversation and cried in bed when Mike left the room.

The next morning I felt pretty bad. I wasn’t sure what to do with this conversation. I decided to keep it to myself rather than share it with a friend on gchat or blurt it out to a colleague first thing. I wanted to take this seriously and to give myself time to process. I also didn’t want to fall into negative energy for the whole day.

I ended up telling a friend at happy hour, let myself be vulnerable and cry a little bit, share my embarrassment.

The next morning I decided I’d move more and stop eating when I feel full. I’m not going to go crazy and put pressure on myself to hit the gym every single day or go on an intense diet.

It hurt to hear that from my husband. But I’m so glad he told me. If he didn’t, who would?

I’m grateful he brought it to my attention. Literally just brought it to my attention. Now that I have this awareness, I will be more conscious about my behavior and make different choices. Actually make choices. I had gotten into the trap of not thinking about it at all.

I think what Mike did was really brave. Because that was a hard conversation to have. But he loves me and he cares about me. And I know that. This conversation demonstrates that.

 

P.S. Have you liked Love Always, Jo on Facebook? If, not, go over and click like now!

a relationship secret ingredient?

Posted on by jplatt27

I had a great conversation with a friend about our relationships the other day. We found the when we feel happy with ourselves, when we’re at our best, our relationships with our significant others are better.  The more attracted I am to myself, the more I’m aligned/connected with my true authentic self, the more attracted I am to my husband.

I’m serious about this. This feels so good.  So so good. Our relationship is better, our connection is better, the sex is better–and more frequent!

I feel like we’ve uncovered a secret relationship gem.  One of the many magic bullets.

So, OK. Knowing this secret ingredient, how can we use it to our advantage?

Well, under what circumstances do you feel most like yourself? In what situations are you, you? Got it? OK. Now create those for yourself as regularly as possible.

I imagine this goes both ways. So, how can you encourage your significant other to be himself? How can you put yourself in situations where your husband feels confident and alive, where his true self, that amazing person you fell in love with can come out? Got it? OK, great.  Make that happen.

And report back, will ya?

thoughts from Juliet

Posted on by jplatt27

I was flipping through some old journal notes and came upon this quote  I jotted down from The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. It still resonated with me when I reread it so I thought I’d share it with you.

“I don’t want to be married just to be married. I can’t think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can’t talk to, or worse, someone I can’t be silent with.” ~Juliet, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, page 8

Two questions:

1) Thoughts on the passage?

2) Have you read this book? I read it around Christmas time and really enjoyed it. It’s told through a series of letters and it’s interesting to see how the plot and characters develop through notes to and from different characters.

begin again

Posted on by jplatt27

After hearing Taylor Swift’s Begin Again on the radio multiple times, I finally really listened to it and came to appreciate it. I love this song so much for the message, the truth behind it.

We often let our past relationships and experiences shape our beliefs about how things are and will be in the future, about how we are and will be in the future. We let our significant other’s view of us shape our view of ourselves and what we believe to be true about ourselves–whether we are funny or not, pretty or not, that we do or do not look good in navy blue. The beliefs of the other person become our own.  And it’s understandable that this happens.

The surprise we have when we realize that something new is true.  That a different reality is possible.  That it doesn’t have to be that way. And that’s what this song is all about.  The beauty and hope of a new beginning. A new paradigm.

mike’s unemployment

Posted on by jplatt27

“I know that some day soon I’ll be greeting you with a kiss as you walk in the door after work. I am so looking forward to that day as I know you are too.  In the meantime, know that I love you and am just as proud of you as I’ve always been.” —note from me to Mike, 3/3/11

In November of 2010, Mike’s boss lost the election and with it, Mike and his colleagues lost their jobs.

Our wedding was just 6 months away.

This was not completely unexpected.  There are elections every two years for Congress and this particular election cycle was going to be a tough one for Democrats.  But, Mike’s boss had been in office for longer than we’d been alive at that point, winning 13 consecutive terms.

They packed up the office, finished the term working from makeshift cubes in House cafeteria, and on January 3, 2011, Mike was officially unemployed.

There’s nothing like filing for unemployment to tell you welcome to the real world.

Of course this was a difficult time for Mike.  He wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do next and staying on the Hill wasn’t a promising option as Democrat staffer jobs were few and far between. He was very diligent about applying for jobs and recording everything to collect unemployment.  But he got kind of down.

This was hard for me too. I did my best to support him, to be encouraging but also allowing him to feel down. I knew he wasn’t happy about not having a job and was doing his best to find something quickly, he didn’t need me to add to that.  I tried to be strong.  But this really sucked.

Finally, I think I said that to him. This really sucks. And it was pretty freeing for both of us.  Admitting this to each other felt good.  It allowed us to be a little vulnerable with each other. And brought us together as a team. It helped us move forward.

 

 

10 years

Posted on by jplatt27

Yesterday marked 10 years together!

We Mike remembered our old anniversary yesterday morning and we hugged and wished each other a happy anniversary.

Then around lunch time Mike texted:

Today is our 10 year anniversary!

Wow!  I didn’t even realize.  It stopped me in my tracks and reminded me how grateful I am for our relationship.

We didn’t do much, anything really, to celebrate the day. We just acknowledged it as special.

And I came home to these flowers on the coffee table.

Simple, sweet, wonderful.

a tip for men: 3 words

Posted on by jplatt27

A lot of times when we’re complaining about something, we don’t want a solution.  We don’t want to figure it out. Sometimes we do, sure.

But most times, we want to hear a simple phrase. Just three simple words will stop us in our complaining tracks.

Here they are:

Wow, that sucks.

Yep, that’s it.

Wow, that sucks.

 

Ladies–feel free to send this post to your SO.

Guys–try it and report back.

 

[two questions] chit chat

Posted on by jplatt27

What are the most used words or phrases in your home?

Thank you–I noticed about a year ago how often we say thank you to each other.  It’s not something conscious but I like that we do this. Some may argue that we overdo it on the thank you’s but we think it’s just right.

I love you

Look. at. that. This one is common while we’re cooking.  I didn’t realize how often I would say this until we were cooking one night and Mike was like “go ahead, say it.” “Say what?” I asked.  “Look at that.”  Now every time I say it, I notice. I say it pretty much every step of the way while we’re cooking something new.

Good idea by you This phrase comes out when someone chooses a good restaurant or recipe, a plan that works out, etc.

How do you talk to each other?

Usually pretty nicely. (see above).

We also have this weird language we’ve developed over the years full of words that we’ve made up or begun to overuse. For example, we sometimes call Chipotle by a different name that I can’t really share here because I don’t know how it would be spelled.  It starts with Shh and rhymes with Chipotle.

 

So, what about you? Common phrases you use with your significant other?