I didn’t expect to record a vlog (video blog) today but I got home from work and just had to share this. I hope it resonates with you. Enjoy!
(click on the picture above to view on YouTube.)
Love always,
Jo
Tag: thoughts on life
a feeling yet to be named
I’ve been doing something a little different with my Christmas list this year. Each year, Mike’s mom asks me for a Christmas list. And each year I put the same kinds of things: clothes and books.
This year I decided I’d make an intentional Christmas list based on how I want to feel in 2014.
The adjectives I came up with are
cozy | joyful | pretty | abundant.
But at the gym this weekend I realized there’s another way I want to feel in 2014…like me. But I haven’t come up with one word that sums up this feeling.
I was doing a strength exercise in front of the mirror and the song Mirrors by Justin Timberlake was playing on my iPod. When I locked eyes with myself in the mirror I felt…radiant, strong, beautiful, loved, appreciated. Like I was really seeing myself. Seeing the true me. I felt…like me. I adore that feeling.
Do you know the feeling I’m talking about? What is it called? I’d love to add it to my list.
coffee date
Today I thought I’d take a page out of Emily‘s book and share the things I’d tell you if we were having coffee today.
If we were having a coffee date today, I’d tell you…
I had a huge epiphany this week. I don’t have to like everyone. I’ll say it again: I don’t have to like everyone. I know this is pretty much just a truth that most people know. Like duh, Jo, of course you don’t have to like everyone. You’re not going to like everyone. It just doesn’t make sense.
But this was BIG for me. Really big. I realized that I’d beat myself up if I didn’t like someone. I’d feel extremely guilty and really bad about myself if I didn’t like someone. That’s just not necessary. And giving myself permission to not like someone will really help these feelings subside.
If we were having coffee today, I’d tell you…
Mike offered to be my CFO. I’m really excited about it. It will be nice to have a partner, someone to watch over my business with me. It makes me feel like I’m not alone in this scary business building adventure. Mike’s been extremely supportive of my coaching business and this just takes it to the next level. I’m really grateful.
If we were having coffee today, I’d tell you…
We brought the SEGA game system back with us from Pennsylvania last weekend and have played Sonic a few times this week. It’s pretty fun. I get kind of bored after a few levels but we’ve been playing at night so maybe I’m just tired. We’ll see what this weekend brings–it’s going to rain all day tomorrow so we’ll have ample time to play and watch TV. I remember playing SEGA at our neighbors house as a kid. I’m pretty sure we’d play for a couple hours at a time.
What would you tell me if we were having coffee today?
Have you had any epiphanies lately? Do you feel like you have to like everyone?
What game systems did you play as a kid?
play? what does that mean?
I’ve been struggling lately. Anxiety at an all-time high. Panic attacks. Weeping like I’ve never wept before (though that seems to have subsided, thankfully). I actually didn’t even realize that what I’ve been experiencing is anxiety because the dry mouth, night sweats, lack of appetite in the morning, and crazy intense feeling in my solar plexus that I’ve been having are not my usual anxiety symptoms.
That’s why I haven’t posted in a while.
I googled “anxiety cures” the other day, and after finding a bunch of random things that were both a little tempting and a little scary/seemingly scammy, I came across this article. Charlie says that he cured his anxiety through play.
“Huh,” I thought. “That’s interesting.”
Why not try it? What do I have to lose? I could use a little more fun in my life.
This begs the question…
What does play mean to me?
I talked to my coach about it and here’s what I’ve come up with:
- Biking–a few years ago my friend Jen was in DC for the weekend and we rented bikes. At the end of our ride we biked up this steep hill and I just remember peddling my heart out. I was grinning from ear to ear and surprised and how amazingly fun it was. I biked all the time as a kid and LOVED it.
- Coloring/doodling/drawing
- Body Combat–I was a regular at Body Combat before my wedding and again, this is one of those activities that leaves me with a goofy grin on my face. The class just makes me feel so powerful and fierce; it really is FUN.
- Dancing
- Yoga
- Frisbee toss with Mike
- Long walks
- Painting
I’m trying to think of more things and add more play into my life. I’m not going to lie, sometimes thinking about play fires up my anxiety. It scares me a little bit. It’s almost like I’m afraid of what might come up when I settle in and let myself enjoy it.
It’s funny, my friend Allie and I went on a hike yesterday and then settled in with a bottle of wine at a nearby vineyard. Immediately I started to feel guilty. Like I shouldn’t be doing this. I should be working or doing something. I told Allie that I felt like I didn’t deserve this goodness, this relaxation. She said “But you do. Doesn’t everyone?” I nodded and thought “of course.”
So that’s what I’m working on lately. Learning how to play. Learning how to settle in and let myself enjoy.
What does play mean to you? What activities allow you to relax and feel joy?
day by day
I’m all about creating a life you love, living with intention, having a vision and long term plans. Where do you want to be 6 months from now? 2 years? What do you want your life to look like in 20 years?
Do you have big, crazy, dreams? Cool. Let’s make that happen.
The last two weeks, I’ve been having a really hard time. Struggling internally at an intensity I’ve never experienced before. Extreme anxiety, lots and lots and lots of tears. I’m ok. Everything is OK. It’s just something I have to work through.
But in an email to a friend this morning, I wrote “Can you say a prayer for me?” When I remembered that this afternoon, I thought, wow.
So while I’m all for big plans and visions and making things happen, this experience has taught me that sometimes you just need to take things day by day.
And that’s OK.
a lesson from wine country
One of the biggest things I took away from wine country was that it’s about what you like. Often, our friends would love a wine and I wouldn’t understand the hype or I’d love a wine and they didn’t care for it. But we were told over and over that it’s about what you like. Your taste is your taste and you like what you like.
It was challenging to remember at times. I’d get caught up comparing myself to other people in our group with stronger, more refined palates. I’d wonder why I wasn’t loving the wines that they loved. Why I didn’t enjoy this wine that was so complex and such a treat that every else bought bottles of it. Why do I love this seriously sweet wine that everyone else thinks is too much? Is something wrong with me? But the sommeliers assured us over and over that it’s about what you like.
I think this is a good metaphor for life. We all like different things and at different intensities, and that’s OK.
reflections on daring greatly: my vulnerability armor
In her book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brene Brown describes the different ways we arm ourselves against vulnerability.
Here’s one:
“The Shield: Numbing.
If you’re wondering if this section is about addiction and you’re thinking This isn’t about me, please read on. This is about all of us. First, one of the most universal numbing strategies is what I call crazy-busy.”
Oh my God, that’s me.
She continues:
“I often say that when they start having twelve-step meetings for busy-aholics, they’ll need to rent out football stadiums. We are a culture of people who’ve bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, the truth of our lives won’t catch up with us.”
This was a big ah-ha moment for me and made me take a step back and think about things. I’ve spent most of my life over-scheduled, always go-go-go-go-go. When I read this I was like “ooohhhhh, that makes sense.”
And here’s the result:
“I believe we all numb our feelings. We may not do it compulsively or chronically, which is addiction, but that doesn’t mean we don’t numb our sense of vulnerability. And numbing vulnerability is especially debilitating because it doesn’t just deaden the pain of our difficult experiences; numbing vulnerability also dulls our experiences of love, joy, belonging, creativity, and empathy.”
Woah. Don’t want to do that anymore.
So yeah, this was a powerful section of the book for me. For someone that believes that she does feel her feelings and that they don’t do things to numb emotions, this was a big wake up call.
Does this resonate with you? I’d love to hear from some others like me!
Have you read Daring Greatly? What are you taking away? What vulnerability armor are you carrying?
back from wine country
I’m back from a week-long vacation in Sonoma, California, also known as wine country. We had a great time–good experiences, good wine, good food. I’m still trying to process it all but one thing I know I want to bring back/maintain in my “normal” life is the lack overwhelm. I really enjoyed just living in the moment and enjoying things one thing at a time. Check in with me in a few weeks and ask how it’s going. I really hope I can keep this up.
PS–Have you liked Love Always, Jo on Facebook yet? Only one like needed to get to 100!
link love
There is nothing better than waking up on Saturday morning, getting coffee, and reading. Each Friday, I’ll share some links that I think are worthy of falling into that precious Saturday morning time.
1. We’re heading on vacation with a group of friends this weekend so this post on traveling in a group caught my eye. I definitely agree with tips 5 and 6, even for life in general.
2. Mmm, mmm, mmm. This may have to be the first recipe we make when we get back from vacation.
3. This post about writing caught my eye. It’s definitely one I want to re-read at some point.
4. Jess Lively wrote a post on praying and relationships this week. Though I’m a little nervous to try it, I definitely think it would be immensely powerful.
5. I’ve definitely been thinking about how vacations fit in with life, how I want to spend my vacation doing simple things I wish I did all the time in my “normal” life. I even wrote a newsletter about the vacations you daydream about and how to use that inform your life. This post about escaping to reality versus escaping from reality made me think even more.
new on love always, jo this week:
even members of congress have gremlins
We all have gremlins, inner critics that tell us we’re not good enough. When I read the passage below in Congressman Tim Ryan’s book A Mindful Nation, I thought “he’s describing his gremlin.”
“The thoughts continued to be judgmental and critical. In fact, they were mean. It became apparent to me that such thoughts tend to recur. They can be like background noise. I had just never noticed them. As they revealed themselves to me, I realized I could be terribly hard on myself. I could judge myself with a level of cruelty I wouldn’t inflict on my worst enemy. I could get stuck in a thought-loop of questioning past decisions or regretting remarks I made or lines in speeches I’d given. It was repeated pressure, always self-imposed. I thought I was kind, compassionate, and considerate. It turns out that was true only if I was dealing with someone other than myself. But toward myself I could be cruel, unforgiving, dissatisfied, manipulative, mean-spirited, and needlessly judgmental. I started to think about my new nephew and how I would never treat him this way. Toward everyone else I was the nice guy; to myself I was the town asshole.” ~Tim Ryan, A Mindful Nation
Yep, that’s the gremlin in a nutshell.
(If you haven’t met my gremlin Janice, you can read about her here.)
Yesterday’s post went up late in the day, so if you missed it, read it here.