Author: jplatt27

reflections on daring greatly: my vulnerability armor

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In her book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brene Brown describes the different ways we arm ourselves against vulnerability.

Here’s one:

“The Shield: Numbing.

If you’re wondering if this section is about addiction and you’re thinking This isn’t about me, please read on. This is about all of us. First, one of the most universal numbing strategies is what I call crazy-busy.”

Oh my God, that’s me.

She continues:

“I often say that when they start having twelve-step meetings for busy-aholics, they’ll need to rent out football stadiums. We are a culture of people who’ve bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, the truth of our lives won’t catch up with us.”

This was a big ah-ha moment for me and made me take a step back and think about things. I’ve spent most of my life over-scheduled, always go-go-go-go-go. When I read this I was like “ooohhhhh, that makes sense.”

And here’s the result:

“I believe we all numb our feelings. We may not do it compulsively or chronically, which is addiction, but that doesn’t mean we don’t numb our sense of vulnerability. And numbing vulnerability is especially debilitating because it doesn’t just deaden the pain of our difficult experiences; numbing vulnerability also dulls our experiences of love, joy, belonging, creativity, and empathy.”

Woah. Don’t want to do that anymore.

So yeah, this was a powerful section of the book for me. For someone that believes that she does feel her feelings and that they don’t do things to numb emotions, this was a big wake up call.

Does this resonate with you? I’d love to hear from some others like me!

Have you read Daring Greatly? What are you taking away? What vulnerability armor are you carrying?

 

lessons from yoga: lateness and compassion

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I went to a lunchtime yoga class on Friday. The class was pretty filled and as we started our practice with breathing, someone came in late. The instructor was expecting one more and knew exactly where she’d place her mat. She took the yogi’s mat from her and placed it in her spot. The woman apologized for being late and the instructor responded: “It’s ok. We’re all late sometimes.”

As I witnessed this, tears started to form in my eyes. The way the instructor had compassion and was welcoming to a late-comer, helping her get settled quickly and fit right in really touched me. She could’ve been annoyed, ignored the woman and continued teaching. But she chose differently. In that moment, she chose love and compassion.

That morning I walked into a meeting 15 minutes late. A meeting with an external consultant in the nice conference room. I missed my normal bus that morning and honestly, I had forgotten about the meeting so I wasn’t even able to give notice that I was on my way. I felt very bad walking in late and apologized to the consultant when we were leaving. I sensed some emotion in her eyes but couldn’t make out what it was–frustration, sympathy, compassion.  She commented that she was looking at my LuLu Lemon water bottle and the quotes all over it. We left the room and I still felt a little uncomfortable.

In yoga, I felt like the instructor was talking to me when she said “It’s ok. We’re all late sometimes.”

the real process of a wedding

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All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks – all those sentences that began with “when we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will” – those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe”- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. ~Union by Robert Fulghum, one of our wedding readings

Writing our vows was one of the most powerful things we’ve ever done. It was also one of the scariest.

Vow Ideas

We sat in Starbucks on a Sunday morning, trying to put together the thoughts we had each jotted down separately into promises we’d build our marriage on. It was intense. I remember looking at him and sharing things I’d never said out loud before about what he meant to me and what I hoped for our future.

Trying to articulate something you feel so deeply is tricky.  Opening your heart, really putting yourself out there, even to someone you love so deeply and have known for so long isn’t easy. You feel vulnerable, raw even. Just thinking about this experience I’m getting that “I-don’t-want-to-cry-and-am-holding-back-tears” feeling in my throat. It was more than two years ago.

How often do you actually express what you value as a couple, how you want to love each other, what your hopes are? You don’t really. Many things just go unsaid or assumed.

Whether or not you plan to write and say your own vows in your upcoming wedding, or whether or not you’ve already said “I do,” I think this act of sitting down together to write promises, to share what you love about your relationship and the qualities you want to define your relationship in the long run, is a powerful one. It’s one that may make you feel exposed and vulnerable but one that is really worth it.  It’s an intimate experience that brings you together closer than you’ve been before. It certainly brought us together in a deeper way than ever before.

Talk to me:

Did you/would you write your own vows?

Would you have a conversation with your husband or wife now? If so, what promises would you like you make to your spouse?

 

 

back from wine country

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Wine

I’m back from a week-long vacation in Sonoma, California, also known as wine country. We had a great time–good experiences, good wine, good food. I’m still trying to process it all but one thing I know I want to bring back/maintain in my “normal” life is the lack overwhelm. I really enjoyed just living in the moment and enjoying things one thing at a time. Check in with me in a few weeks and ask how it’s going. I really hope I can keep this up.

PS–Have you liked Love Always, Jo on Facebook yet? Only one like needed to get to 100!

wine country vacation: what i’m looking forward to

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suitcase

Packed and ready to go!

We’re headed to Sonoma, California! We rented a house with some friends in wine country for the week and the excitement is finally sinking in!

On this trip I’m looking forward to (in no particular order):

1. reading, I love reading in general so on vacation it’s a must. Choosing the books for my vacation is one of my favorite things. This trip I’m bringing Lean In and The Engagements.

2. eating outside (another one of my favorite things)

3. laughter, lots and lots of belly laughs

4. biking, we’re doing a self guided winery tour by bike

5. quality time with Mike I’ve been a little out of sorts lately so quality time between us has been lacking. I’m looking forward to getting back to myself and sharing the whole me with Mike.

I’ll be back in DC on the 11th and should be back to the blog sometime that week.  Ok, gotta go! Cabs coming in 20.

Have a great week my friends!

What do you look forward to on vacation?

 

 

link love

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There is nothing better than waking up on Saturday morning, getting coffee, and reading. Each Friday, I’ll share some links that I think are worthy of falling into that precious Saturday morning time.

Mug.jpg

1. We’re heading on vacation with a group of friends this weekend so this post on traveling in a group caught my eye. I definitely agree with tips 5 and 6, even for life in general.

2. Mmm, mmm, mmm. This may have to be the first recipe we make when we get back from vacation.

3. This post about writing caught my eye. It’s definitely one I want to re-read at some point.

4. Jess Lively wrote a post on praying and relationships this week. Though I’m a little nervous to try it, I definitely think it would be immensely powerful.

5. I’ve definitely been thinking about how vacations fit in with life, how I want to spend my vacation doing simple things I wish I did all the time in my “normal” life. I even wrote a newsletter about the vacations you daydream about and how to use that inform your life.  This post about escaping to reality versus escaping from reality made me think even more.

new on love always, jo this week:

even members of congress have gremlins

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A Mindful Nation

We all have gremlins, inner critics that tell us we’re not good enough. When I read the passage below in Congressman Tim Ryan’s book A Mindful Nation, I thought “he’s describing his gremlin.”

“The thoughts continued to be judgmental and critical. In fact, they were mean. It became apparent to me that such thoughts tend to recur. They can be like background noise. I had just never noticed them. As they revealed themselves to me, I realized I could be terribly hard on myself. I could judge myself with a level of cruelty I wouldn’t inflict on my worst enemy. I could get stuck in a thought-loop of questioning past decisions or regretting remarks I made or lines in speeches I’d given. It was repeated pressure, always self-imposed. I thought I was kind, compassionate, and considerate. It turns out that was true only if I was dealing with someone other than myself. But toward myself I could be cruel, unforgiving, dissatisfied, manipulative, mean-spirited, and needlessly judgmental. I started to think about my new nephew and how I would never treat him this way. Toward everyone else I was the nice guy; to myself I was the town asshole.” ~Tim Ryan, A Mindful Nation 

Yep, that’s the gremlin in a nutshell.

(If you haven’t met my gremlin Janice, you can read about her here.)

Yesterday’s post went up late in the day, so if you missed it, read it here.

the right question: take out the shoulds

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I often wake up thinking “what should I do this morning?” and on weekends it’s “what should I do today?”

These questions make me feel totally overwhelmed and set me up for failure.

This is essentially like asking “what am I supposed to do today?” OR “what pressure can I put on myself today?” OR “what obligations can I create for myself today so that when I inevitably don’t do them all I feel bad about myself?”

In response, I’ll start to think about all the things I could do: chores, business tasks, people to call, things that I should do because I live in the city and I should take advantage of them. And then I think about all the reasons why I don’t want to do those things or why I can’t do those things.

It’s pretty terrible actually. It makes me feel terrible and almost paralyzed.

I realized this morning that I do the same with blogging.

I’ll think “what should I write about today?”

Then I start listing possible topics followed by the reasons they’re not the right post for the day or why I can’t or don’t feel like writing that today. And then I just shutdown and don’t write anything.

In my opinion weekends should not be about shoulds. 

And blogging shouldn’t either.

So I’ve come up with two new questions:

What would I like to do today/right now? | What would I like to share on the blog today?

Are there areas of your life where you’re asking questions like these? If so, where and what’s a new question you can ask yourself?

P.S. Part of the reason these questions give me so much trouble: Janice has a field day with them.

link love

Posted on by jplatt27

There is nothing better than waking up on Saturday morning, getting coffee, and reading. Each Friday, I’ll share some links that I think are worthy of falling into that precious Saturday morning time.

Chaippucino and crossaint.jpg

 

1. I’ve been feeling intense sadness lately and appreciate this post from Danielle LaPorte about the difference between depression and sadness. I’m definitely sad, not depressed.

2. Members of Congress meditating? Yep, you read that right. I’m really interested in Congressman Tim Ryan’s work and spent last Saturday morning reading his book A Mindful Nation: How a Simple Practice Can Help Us Reduce Stress, Improve Performance, and Recapture the American Spirit. I’m excited to share this Huffington Post article about his efforts to bring mindfulness meditation to Capitol Hill.

3. I spent the month of June creating space in my life so when I read this post about an anti-frantic life, I was like yes. This post totally gives words for what I’ve experienced and what I’d like to create. If you’re a go-go-go-go-go type of person, read this.

4. Need a little pep talk? Watch this. Gets me every time. (Maybe schedule a calendar reminder to watch it on Sunday afternoon or Monday morning.)

Only one new post on the blog this week:

I’ll be back with more new posts next week. Have a great weekend!

 

daring greatly: a must read

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I finished Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown last weekend. I’m still trying to process it all, and actually plan to go back to the beginning to re-read the parts I’ve underlined and maybe compile a series of posts here, but I wanted to share this first.

Daring Greatly

This book is a must-read.

This book is a must-read for anyone in a position to influence others, ie everyone. This book will be especially powerful for teachers, managers, and parents.

Brené Brown is a researcher that focuses on shame and vulnerability. While based in years of academic research, the message of this book is practical and accessible to everyone.

To get a preview of what Daring Greatly is all about, watch Brené’s TED talk.

Have you read Daring Greatly? What was one ah-ha moment you had as a result?