Author: jplatt27

a powerful gift

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In coach training this weekend, I realized the best gift Mike has ever given me.

The greatest gift Mike has given me is the freedom to be who I am, accepting and loving me just the way I am.  As long as I’ve known him (since middle school), he has not tried to change me. He meets me where I am without judgement, only openness and love.

My first thought in response to this realization was pure gratitude and wonder.

Next thought: My wish is that I can give him the same gift in return.

Now I realize a gift even more powerful than either of these, one I wish to give as well.

I could give this gift to myself. Imagine if I gave myself 100% freedom to be who I am.  What if I began to love and accept myself as the person I am in this moment?

Most of the stress and unhappiness in my life comes from self-criticism.  From believing that I’m not good enough, that I should be more, do more.  That I should be x, y, or z, even though that’s not me. So imagine how wonderful it would be, how my life would change, if I was kind to myself.  If I was as loving and accepting of myself as Mike is to me.

Starting today, I will give myself this gift. And I will receive this gift from myself.

As I type this I’m a little scared. Like wow, this is a big commitment. But I have the power to make this change, one thought at a time. Though it won’t be easy, it will be worth it.

 

my vision board

Posted on by jplatt27

In preparation for my vision board party over the summer, I made a vision board of my own.

Here it is:

I kept feeling like it wasn’t done but after a month or so, I realized that this board does, in fact, reflect the life that I want.

Starting at the bottom, I want a career that is a foundation for the lifestyle I want, one that allows me to help others, to feel balanced, to continue to grow and evolve, and to have a flexible schedule.

The heart of the life I want, the middle of the board, is filled with family, friends, love, and a warm home.

And at the top, romance, relaxing, alone time, beauty, leisure, vacation.

It is my hope that each of these pieces supports the others.

With this vision in mind, I can continue to create the life I want.

Have you ever made a vision board?  What are some key things you’re looking for in your life?

a new kind of saturday

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Free Saturdays are few and far between for us so when we have one, we almost don’t know what to do with ourselves.

That’s what happened this Saturday.  We woke up late (about 9:30) and moved to the couch for Scandal and a sub-par batch of our go-to pancakes.  Great start to the day.

But then what?

“What should we do today?” we kept asking each other.

Should we go for a hike? Go bike riding? How about a trip to the Newseum? We threw out a bunch of ideas, none of which had any excitement behind them. We couldn’t even decide where we wanted to go for lunch.

Finally I was like let’s just relax for a little bit and we’ll make a move when we’re ready to make a move.  It’s clear we don’t know what we want to do and everything just seems a little forced.

So we hung out around the apartment. We straightened up a little bit, got back in bed for a little bit, and then I showered and spent time doing my hair.

Around 1:30 we left our apartment to get lunch outside at Open City. It was a gorgeous fall day and we sat outside chatting over coffee and breakfast food.

It was so nice to just sit and chat, really chat. Quality time has been a little sparse the last two weeks and I found myself loving the time, just the two of us, nothing to do but enjoy each other’s company.

From there we went to the grocery store (boo-yah for getting that done early in the weekend) and came back to relax before heading out to dinner.

I love this kind of Saturday.  It’s almost the opposite of my other favorite way to spend a free Saturday: get up; go for coffee, a bagel, and some reading at my favorite coffee shop/bookstore; head to yoga; come home and relax. I love being a morning person and heading out before the hustle and bustle of the day.

But there’s also something to be said for just going with the flow.  In just doing what you feel like doing, when you feel like doing it.  Not because you feel like you should do something just because you can or because it’s a cool thing to do.  No, if you don’t feel like it, don’t.

We’ll see what type of Saturday we feel like when we wake up on our next free one in two weeks. I’m going to remember the joy we had in this type of Saturday and not put pressure on myself to do something just for the sake of doing something.

How do you like to spend a Saturday? Do you feel pressure to go-go-go or are you more go with the flow?

 

a realization from a sex dream

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The other night I had what seemed like a strange dream but was actually very telling.

I have to share the dream to give full effect.

In my dream…

Mike and I were making out pretty passionately in bed when all of a sudden Mike said “wait, I have something to show you.”  He stood at the end of the bed and started doing tai chi moves.  “I learned these for you,” he said. Immediately, my body went from hot to cold.  I was completely turned off. “Ok, you can stop now,” I said awkwardly.

When I woke up…

Weird, huh? I woke up thinking how bizarre the dream was.

And then I realized its meaning: I love my husband and am attracted to him exactly the way he is.

I’m always asking Mike to come to yoga with me, to read this personal development book or watch that inspirational spiritual or business video with me. I’ll push him think about his next career move and where he wants to be in 10 years. And I get a little frustrated when he’s not interested.

But these things aren’t Mike. Like not at all.

Frankly, if Mike was throwing a yoga mat over his shoulder on Saturday mornings or brewing coffee in anticipation of Super Soul Sunday that would just be weird. If Mike was throwing out ideas left and right about potential dream jobs or career moves I would wonder what was going on. Because it’s not him.

I fell in love with Mike and continue to love him just the way he is.  We are very different in many ways–he yells at the TV during Philadelphia sports games and agonizes over political debates while I yell about people not fulfilling their dreams and agonize over relationships.  But I think that’s why we work.

Bottom line is if he changed in the ways I sometimes want him to, I probably wouldn’t be turned on by it in the way I think I would.  In fact, I know I wouldn’t, it would just be weird.

Do you have things you wish your significant other would do or was interested in?  

Have you gotten messages from your dreams lately?

[two questions] in-laws

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What is your spouse or significant other’s relationship with your family like?

When my sisters were here, Becca said that Mike is “very hands-off.” I’d say that’s pretty accurate.  He loves my family and my family loves him and when we’re all together it’s wonderful. If my siblings ask Mike for his input, he’ll share it but otherwise he just accepts them and supports them as they are. I think there is a high level of trust between my family and Mike and they very much value his opinion. Mike loves them too. When I asked Mike his thoughts on this question he said their relationship is “strong but unspoken.”

Compare and contrast your family with your in-laws.

I often say that my family and Mike’s family couldn’t be more different.  My family is loud and crazy, Mike’s is quiet and reserved.  Mike’s family is very interconnected and relies on each other to make decisions while in my family everyone kind of does their own thing and reports back their decision. Conversation with Mike’s family is very civilized and organized and with my family it’s very lively and bouncing all over the place.

This anecdote perfectly illustrates the difference between our families: I once called Mike crying about a fight I had with my parents and he said “can I call you back? we’re playing Scrabble.” Haha.

But the thing our families have in common is the most significant: family is very very important to all of us. Our families are both warm and loving.  We may show our love for each other in different ways but the love runs deep in both families.

 

oh hey student loans

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As November approaches, the six month grace period on many student loans is coming to an end and panic mode is starting to set in for some 2012 grads I know.  The weight of the debt and monthly payments is starting to set in.  Fear and overwhelm follow.

I’ve been there. With the principal on my student loans, I could buy a sizable house in the mid-west so I get it.

I get the stress and overwhelming feeling that come along with dealing with student loans for the first time. Not only is there a massive amount owed and sizable monthly payments, but trying to figure it all out on the bank’s website can be a little like reading a different language.

What’s due, when?  How long will this take?  How much will I owe when all is said and done? Consolidating?  How do I do that?  How do I know if it makes sense for me?

I have to call the bank? What?  Do I have to? I know it seems so daunting, you’d probably rather re-take the SATs.

But truthfully, once you get acquainted with the loans and the monthly payments, it’s really not that bad. They’re not as scary as they seem.

I suggest you get friendly with your student loans right off the bat. Just go up and say hello. Find out what you can about them, do a little digging, be patient because they may not reveal all of their baggage in the first date.  Take a deep breath.

Try not to get frustrated if they don’t communicate as clearly as you’d like.  You’ll be able to figure out what they mean soon enough.  Be persistent.

Also, don’t run away screaming when they start talking about your future together.  So maybe you don’t know where you want to be in 2022. That’s ok. If you want to take things slow or speed things up, you can explore that later.  For now, you’re just getting to know each other.

Get to know them.  Be open.  Don’t get defensive. The first step in figuring out your relationship, in deciding how you want things to go from here, is going on the first date.

P.S. Spring for a full evening instead of just a quick coffee.

quality time in lieu of quantity of time

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Since my coach training started my weeknights are pretty packed. Between tutoring, coaching clients, and training calls, I have something every night Monday through Thursday.  This means that Mike and I don’t get a ton of time together during the week.

This actually hasn’t been a problem.  In fact, it’s been a gift.

For example, Mike and I get an hour and a half together on Wednesday nights between my calls and we’ve both started really looking forward to that time. We have dinner and cuddle on the couch and watch Parenthood. Though it’s nothing fancy, especially compared to the date nights we used to have every other Wednesday, this time is really special to us.

This time is earmarked as our time. I’m not blogging or reading or coaching or half paying attention to the show we’re watching while Facebooking. Nope, I’m totally in it.

For that hour and a half we are together, really together. And the quality time is so nice.

Between that and our weekly new recipe, we may be getting more quality time than we did over the summer. Time to talk, to connect, to really be with each other.

It’s nice to know that it’s not the amount of time we have but how we spend the time that matters.

weekend to myself & a challenge

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After three consecutive weekends of visitors and travel, I was looking forward to having a normal low-key weekend to relax.

Mike happened to be traveling this weekend for work so I had the weekend to myself.  Bonus! I kind of feel bad saying it but then again I don’t.  I really need me-time, time alone to just do my own thing.

Friday night I laid low and relaxed at home–watched Grey’s Anatomy, called my sister, got in bed early at my normal time to read.

Saturday morning I woke up early thinking about my business so I did some brainstorming and drafting in bed. Then I sat in front of my happy light and watched an episode of Super Soul Sunday. I love Super Soul Sunday and highly recommend it if you haven’t seen it.

I went back to sleep for a little while. I love doing that.

When I woke up, I re-started my day with a little more energy. I went to my favorite coffee shop for some reading.  I perused the bookstore for a little while and even treated myself to a new book.  Then I went to Body Flow–haven’t been in forever so that felt great.  After that I decided to go to Bed Bath and Beyond for some velcro rollers.

Maybe I came out with all of this:

 

I also stopped at Marshall’s and picked up a mirror for our bedroom, something I’d been meaning to do for a while. (It was in my letter to myself). It felt kind of bold at the time because I went into Marshall’s on a whim and was in and out of there with a mirror in about 10 minutes.  I didn’t call Mike, I just gave myself permission to make a purchase like this. Go me!

Then I came back and relaxed, finished the episode of Super Soul Sunday, talked to Amanda, tried the velcro rollers, helped Chrissy make a budget, talked to Becca. Nice little afternoon.

Here’s how the rollers came out:

I think I’m digging this!

Saturday night I had a dinner meeting with some friends–I’m coordinating their wedding in two weeks and we went over all the details.  Looking forward to sharing more about that soon!

Sunday morning I stayed in bed until I absolutely had to get up to get ready.  My new friends Kristen and Rachel came into DC and we went to Tryst for chaippucinoes (chai with espresso).

During our conversation we were talking about reaching out to people we’re not close to share support, information they may be interested in, etc.  We each had people in mind that we’d thought about reaching out to but for some reason or another just hadn’t–mostly because we thought maybe it would be weird.

I know from experience, from comments on the blog and from personal Facebook messages, how much a little note like can make someone’s day. So we decided that we would each reach out to some of those people this week and that’s where the challenge comes in.

Challenge

Are there certain people you follow religiously on Facebook? You read their statuses, look through an entire album of photos even though you haven’t talked to them in real life for a while?  I know, I do! For most of us, it stops there.

But it doesn’t have to.  This week I challenge you to reach out to one of these people.  Send a note to say hello, to let them know that you’re thinking about them, and whatever other positive things you want to say.  Make this your own. Make someone’s day.

So what do you say?  Are you in?

 

five memories and one for good luck

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It’s my mom’s birthday today. In honor of her birthday I’d thought I’d share some of my favorite memories related to my mom.

1. I remember her sitting on the windowsill in my room and singing “Puff the Magic Dragon.”

2. One Valentine’s Day we came home from school to find tie-dyed Ty teddy bears sitting at each of our spots at the kitchen table. It made me so happy.

3. One fall night my mom and I watched Carrie just the two of us. We sat on the couch under a blanket with all the lights turned off (we “made a movie theather”) and it was pitch black outside, maybe even thunderstorming. It was so scary but so fun at the same time.

4. Late middle school I was having a really hard time. My mom stuck a note in my lunch, a little card with a pastel landscape on the front. I don’t remember quite what it said but it was short and sweet and written in pencil. It was something along the lines of “keep your head up, you don’t have to make decision now” and at the bottom “I love you, Mom.” I remember exactly where I was in the hallway when I read this.  It was so comforting and helped me feel at peace.

5. About this time my first year in DC my mom came down for a visit. I was still teaching and having a really hard time. We went to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants and sat outside for an early dinner. Then we walked back to my apartment (about 2 miles), stopping for a pumpkin pie on the way back. We ate half of it that night just the two of us. I think she brought me Ugly Betty on DVD too. Having that show to watch really gave me an escape.

6. A couple years ago I called my mom to rant about Mike. I went on and on about how he couldn’t wash dishes and that I’d find them back in the cabinet dirty. It was driving me crazy. This rant was full of hysterics, yelling, tears, the whole bit. I remember sitting in my bedroom talking to her on the phone and she said “honey, you have to pick your battles, maybe you do the dishes etc” my response was “I don’t have many battles to pick so I choose this.” She laughed, said that was true and that it was a good thing. Then she asked “are you sure this is about the dishes? Could this be about something different?” How did she know?? She hit the nail on the head. I really wanted to be engaged and was sad that we weren’t. It was so comforting that she opened up that conversation and just let me cry about not being engaged without judgement.

Do you want to wish my mom a happy birthday?  

You can do so by sharing a memory with your mom. Call, email, text, write, post it on my Facebook wall and tag your mom–wrap it however you want–but let your mom know you’re thinking of her and that that memory means something to you.

what's the goal?

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6:07 this morning.

I get out of bed to head to the gym.

I sit on the couch to put on my sneakers, thinking that maybe that’s not a good idea, I don’t want to get too comfortable.

As I fill up my water bottle I realize I’m moving kind of slow and am tempted to get back in bed.

But then I realize that my goal is to get to the gym three times a week.  That’s it.

It’s not get to the gym with pep in your step.

It’s not go to the gym and run 5 miles.

It’s not pop out of bed at 5:40 and run to the car to get to the gym.

It’s not go to the gym and do my strength training routine from my trainer complete with lunges and squat jumps.

No, it’s get to the gym.  It’s that simple.

So maybe I’m moving kind of slow and sitting on the couch lacing up my sneakers, maybe I’m not bouncing out the door revved for a killer work-out.  Maybe my legs can’t even fathom lunges this morning.

It’s ok.  Because as long as I get there, I’ve met my goal.

So I let myself take my time filling my water bottle.  And then I thought, maybe I’ll just bring my book and sit on the bike and pedal and read. I strolled to the car instead of walking with purpose.

I got the gym, parked myself on an upright bike next to two other readers, opened my book and started pedaling and reading.  It felt good to move my body and I could feel myself starting to warm up.

I lasted 7 minutes before my mind started to wander and I wanted to move more.

I switched to a spin bike, turned on my iPod, and started grooving and spinning.

If I would’ve stopped before I walked out the door, stopped because I thought I couldn’t do it, I would’ve missed out on the benefit that my goal is set to up to give me: energy.

And because I allowed myself to relax and refocus on the goal instead of the perfect completion of the goal, I not only met the goal but exceeded it.