5 ways to value myself

During our coffee date the other day, I shared that I’m reading Money: A Love Story by Kate Northrup. I’m actually doing the exercises in this book and they are SO powerful. I’m still processing a lot of my responses both on my own and with my coach. There is just so much good stuff here, it’s a lot to digest. To be honest, a lot of my realizations make me feel really vulnerable. I hope to have the courage to share more of my responses, realizations, and takeaways here but we’ll see.

For now, here is one piece that really stuck with me.

In Money, Kate emphasizes self-value and self-care and how they relate to money. She says:

Self-care is about loving yourself. If you can’t learn to put energy toward your own care and feeding, who else will? If you can’t value yourself enough to put yourself first from time to time, how the heck do you expect to be valued in the world?

Money is about what we value. We pay for what we value. We pay attention to what we value. This is an issue of valuing yourself.

This makes total sense to me but it’s not something I’ve thought about before. Of course, self-care and money are related. One way to show that you’re worth financial abundance is to value yourself, to love yourself, and to treat yourself kindly. In doing so, you send a message to the universe, you show the universe how you want to be treated.

To be truthful, I haven’t been sending exactly the message I want to send so I’ve been focusing more on that.

Here’s my response to the second part of a two-part exercise about self-love and self-care.

Part two: Make a list of five ways that you can care for yourself, value yourself, and/or love yourself more this week.

My answers:

  1. Always have fresh flowers at home.
  2. Eat a really good salad. Bonus if you make it yourself.
  3. Curl my hair once this week.
  4. Say no. Without guilt.
  5. Blog: write and publish

And another to add that I’ve been practicing this week unintentionally but it’s a big piece of self-love for me: spend your mornings doing what feels good (something I did for a little while last year).

So what do you think? How do you show yourself love and care?

coffee date

coffee

If we were having coffee today, I’d tell you that I’m working on my relationship with money. I’ve been reading Money: A Love Story and absolutely loving it. I’m actually doing all of the exercises as I go through. It’s a total game-changer. I want to tell everyone about it. And I kind of want to buy my siblings copies for Christmas (guys, if you’re reading this, let me know if you don’t want one).

If we were having coffee today, you’d probably tell me that you love my nail polish. I painted my nails before work the other day (great morning activity for me), and I’ve gotten SO many compliments! I bought the polish because I loved the color and because the name, Big Spender, goes so perfectly with some of the realizations I’m having from Money: A Love Story. I think all the compliments are the universe telling me that I’m going in the right direction.

If we were having coffee today, I’d tell you that Talbots is my new favorite store. Their clothes are so well made and fit me perfectly. And, on sale, fit my budget perfectly.

If we were having coffee today, I’d tell you how excited I am about the holidays. Not really much more to elaborate on that subject but I’m looking forward to this cozy holiday season.

What would you tell me, or ask me, if we were having coffee today?

oh hey student loans

As November approaches, the six month grace period on many student loans is coming to an end and panic mode is starting to set in for some 2012 grads I know.  The weight of the debt and monthly payments is starting to set in.  Fear and overwhelm follow.

I’ve been there. With the principal on my student loans, I could buy a sizable house in the mid-west so I get it.

I get the stress and overwhelming feeling that come along with dealing with student loans for the first time. Not only is there a massive amount owed and sizable monthly payments, but trying to figure it all out on the bank’s website can be a little like reading a different language.

What’s due, when?  How long will this take?  How much will I owe when all is said and done? Consolidating?  How do I do that?  How do I know if it makes sense for me?

I have to call the bank? What?  Do I have to? I know it seems so daunting, you’d probably rather re-take the SATs.

But truthfully, once you get acquainted with the loans and the monthly payments, it’s really not that bad. They’re not as scary as they seem.

I suggest you get friendly with your student loans right off the bat. Just go up and say hello. Find out what you can about them, do a little digging, be patient because they may not reveal all of their baggage in the first date.  Take a deep breath.

Try not to get frustrated if they don’t communicate as clearly as you’d like.  You’ll be able to figure out what they mean soon enough.  Be persistent.

Also, don’t run away screaming when they start talking about your future together.  So maybe you don’t know where you want to be in 2022. That’s ok. If you want to take things slow or speed things up, you can explore that later.  For now, you’re just getting to know each other.

Get to know them.  Be open.  Don’t get defensive. The first step in figuring out your relationship, in deciding how you want things to go from here, is going on the first date.

P.S. Spring for a full evening instead of just a quick coffee.

two questions: money

Back again with Two Questions, a series where I answer two questions about my relationship, married life, and other things that come up. Check out last week’s post about driving and dinner.

Who manages your money?

Both of us. We work together to manage our money and actually compliment each other’s strengths/interests. I’m good at and enjoy talking about money on a bigger scale: discussing goals, coming up with different ways we can allocate our money, and setting up our budget. I’m good at putting systems in place.  Mike is better at the micro part and managing our money on a more on-going basis.  Toward the middle and end of the month, he’ll crunch the numbers and figure out how much money we’ve spent and how much we have left to spend. This is wonderful and something I honestly don’t think about.

Mike actually suggested this question for this post and when I asked him how he would answer he said that I’m the thinker and he’s the executer.

As I type this I realize how this parallels how we do chores.  Mike is so much better about keeping up with things that need to be done pretty frequently like dishes, taking out the trash, straightening up, etc. I do chores when there’s a tipping point: the tub is really gross, we have company coming, the laundry is piling over and we have no underwear left, or I can’t stand the dust on my feet.

What are your biggest financial goals?

We have two: pay down student loans and buy a new car. I want to accelerate my student loan payments and pay more than the minimum each month. Mike wants to buy a new car.  We’re supportive of each other’s goals and are allocating money accordingly.  While we could wait a little while for either of these goals and focus just on one, I think it’s important that we’re both working toward something we want.  During our last budget conversation, Mike thought about letting the car thing go so we could accelerate our debt payments while we’re motivated but I didn’t think that was right and/or necessary.  I understand where he’s coming from and I appreciate his consideration but I don’t want Mike to put his goals on hold for me.  He said that we don’t need a car right now and could even go without one if our car died.  But just because we don’t need it doesn’t mean it’s not a goal worth pursuing.  Buying a new car means something to Mike and will bring him joy and satisfaction.  It represents something bigger–just like paying down my student loans represents something bigger for me.  And we were able to find money in our budget for both so we’re moving toward both.

 

Your turn:

Who manages your money?

What are your biggest financial goals right now?

Extra money: make it then make it work for you

I had some pretty exciting financial accomplishments in the month of March. I paid off my credit card, paid off my smallest student loan to accelerate my debt snowball, and signed up for a business workshop that’s coming to DC next month (and paid in full!). While I paid off the student loan and half of the business workshop with my salary and regular budget, I paid off my credit card solely with money I earned outside my 9-5.

Here are some ways I’ve made extra money this year:

  • tutoring–I’ve been tutoring for the last three years.  I currently have two students that I see on a weekly basis for an hour.  I stack the appointments so they’re one right after the other so it only takes up one week night.
  • house/pet-sitting–Mike and I are house-sitting for the week for one of the families I tutor for.  Not only is this a mini-vacation in a beautiful house, it’s also great opportunity for us to make some extra $$. I also cat-sat for a week in February, visiting the cat during my lunch hour.
  • baby-sitting
  • sold an old text book on Amazon

Here are some other ways to make some extra money:

  •  sell clothes on e-Bay
  • start an etsy shop
  • monetize a skill.  For example, my friend Amanda has great organizing skills (remember when she organized us after the bed bugs?).  I keep telling her that she should start organizing on the side while she finishes up law school.

But simply making extra money isn’t all you have to do to truly make the most of it. I’ve been tutoring for the last three years.  I’m sure I’ve made a couple thousand dollars or more in that time but it wasn’t until recently that I started capitalizing on this side income.

To make your side income really work for you, you have to do two things: capture  and earmark.

Until last fall I would put the cash in my wallet and deposit the checks in my checking account but not really use it for anything in particular.  I’m pretty sure I spent most of that money on food–lunches, coffee, random snacks, breakfast, etc.  What a waste!

But in the fall I set a goal to pay off my credit card. I decided to use my tutoring money to do this.  I earmarked the weekly income from tutoring for my credit card–allocating it before it even came in to one specific goal.

I’d capture this income by knowing the exact total of what I earned and making sure it didn’t get used.  Every Tuesday, I’d walk to the bank and deposit the cash and the check into my checking account. Then I’d get back to my desk and make a payment on my credit card. To capture money for a goal that you have to buy outright (like the registration for the workshop, or a new bag), I still deposit in my checking account and just make sure that I subtract that money mentally when figuring out my balance.

I was amazed at how quickly this income added up when I began to capture  and earmark.

I try not to think about how much progress I could’ve made in the past 3 years if I would’ve done this the whole time.  What’s done is done.  Can only look forward.

I encourage you to try the capture  and earmark method for a few months and see how many goals you reach. Maybe you have some debt you want to pay down or maybe you want to build up a small amount in savings. With spring here and summer on the way, maybe you have weddings coming up, plans to travel to see friends, or have your eye on a cute spring dress. Working this method will make you feel empowered and relieve some of the stress that goes along with big money goals. Go for it! Work it girl!

Let’s chat:

What are some ways you’ve made extra money?

What money goals do you have right now? What would you earmark money for?

I love a good brainstorm–share your ideas for earning and capturing extra money in the comments.

Participate in Life Fund

We had a great time at Zach and Emily’s wedding last weekend.  Blessed to be friends with each of them individually, the happiness I usually experience at a friend’s wedding was doubled for me. Zach and Emily were both so happy and so in love.  It was amazing.   Emily is a beautiful person but I haven’t seen her as radiant and happy as she was on her wedding day.  We had a great time celebrating with them and look forward to sharing more happiness with them in the future.

Part of the reason the weekend was so great was because we didn’t have to worry about money or how we were going to pay for things this weekend. No, a wedding fairy didn’t come down and make the weekend free.  We planned ahead for occasions like this in our 2012 budget. While we want to attack our debt and try to save a little bit of money, we don’t want to forgo life events and sharing in special, happy times with friends to do so.   We now allocate money each month for upcoming weddings and other celebrations.  We call this line in our budget our “participation in life” fund. Because we planned ahead, we didn’t have to worry about where money for gas, meals, tolls, the hotel, and gift would come from or put these things on a credit card.

Cheers to celebrating stress-free!

 

My new favorite "toy"

Since we’re not saving for a house and focusing on paying down my student loans using Dave Ramsey’s debt snowball method, I’ve been playing around with CNNmoney’s student loan calculator. This thing is seriously like magic!  Before our money conversation, I was doing my own number crunching at Modern Times Coffeehouse at Politics and Prose, my favorite Saturday morning spot. I was so shocked and excited when I clicked calculate that I just had to interrupt the woman sitting across from me and share my findings with her.  Since then, I’ve gone a little farther in my calculations and I wanted to share my new calculations with you!

First, let me explain the debt snowball.  The debt snowball is a pretty easy concept.  Make a list of all of your debts (minus the mortgage) from lowest amount to highest amount.  While still making minimum payments on all accounts, attack the lowest amount by paying as much above the minimum as you can.  Once the smallest loan is paid off, put all the money you were putting to the lowest one, to the next lowest.  Continue until the highest loan is paid off.

My lowest loan amount at the beginning of the year was $1,710.  The minimum payment is $50/month and the interest rate is 6.8%. Put that info into the loan calculator:

At this rate, it will take 3 years and 3 months to pay off this loan.

In our budget conversation we decided to allocate $130 to the loan in addition to the $50 minimum. Then, I realized that we actually had money in our student loan budget line that wasn’t actually being spent each month.  (My interest rates are variable and my monthly payments have gone down over the last few years but I haven’t changed the budget line). So we decided to put that money toward this loan too.  So now, each month we can put $299 towards the loan.  Put that in the calculator:

and we can have this loan paid off by the 4th of July! We’ll also save 83% in interest. Pretty great, huh?

Think that’s cool? Watch this.

Here are the terms for my next smallest loan:

If I continue to pay the minimum each month, I’ll make my final payment summer 2019.

If I use the debt snowball and roll the $299 from loan 1 onto this loan plus its minimum:

we can pay off this second loan by Easter next year!

And it will just get more powerful as the snowball continues to grow through five more loans. I haven’t crunched those numbers yet as I’m sure we’ll have some big expenses/adjustments to our budget in the next few years but this is all very exciting to me.  When I graduated college my goal was to pay off my student loans before my kids go to college. Now, I see it’s possible to pay off them well before that.

So go ahead, I dare you, play around with my new favorite toy. It should work with credit cards and car payments too.

Our pace: what we're not saving for

If you missed the post I wrote last week about going at your own pace, I highly recommend reading it here. It’s a good reminder for all of us.

Along the same lines, here’s an example of how Mike and I are going at our own pace.

As a young married couple, the next big step is to buy a house or at least save for one. But, during our money conversation, Mike and I decided to not save money for a house right now.

Prior to this conversation, we had been saving for a house.  That was our big goal. But at the rate we were saving, we wouldn’t be able to buy a house for quite some time, 8 years according to Mint.com.

And besides, we essentially already have a mortgage: my massive student loan debt.

Right around this time I found personal finance guru Dave Ramsey (thanks, Words of Williams!) and started listening to his daily radio show and did a little bit of reading on his website. And I got motivated to pay down my student loans. I couldn’t wait to get my debt snowball rolling.

So as we walked to meet friends for dinner, I suggested this to Mike.  That instead of saving for a down payment, we start putting extra money toward my student loans each month. And Mike agreed. He said he’d been thinking something similar.

As we walked through the city we discussed that we could probably stay in an apartment for another few years and that we probably won’t need or want a yard until our kids are 5 or 6 (which, since they’re not born yet is still quite a bit away).

Our money will add up so much more quickly against my student loans (bye-bye compound interest) than it would in a savings account.  So not only will we feel like we’re succeeding at this goal as we pay off some of the smaller loans but we’ll also be saving ourselves money in the long run.

When we’re ready to buy a house, we’ll have more money to put aside for a down payment because the monthly payments on the loans will be less (and hopefully we’ll make more money each year) and we’ll be more motivated to do it when we feel like it’s in our reach.

So–here we are–a newlywed couple that’s not saving for a house. Probably a little odd.  But we couldn’t be happier with this status.  It feels great that we’re going at our own pace.

Another bonus of this decision is that if we’re not saving for a house, we don’t have to decide where said house will be–something that we felt a lot of pressure to figure out.

I’d love to know:

How are you going at your own pace?

Day One

January 1, 2012 was a good day.

We got up and relaxed and then picked up breakfast items at Starbucks.  We came back and made coffee in the mugs Mike got me for Christmas and had breakfast.

Then we had our money conversation where we figured out our budget, made some goals, and came up with a plan to monitor our variable budget lines: the tracker below.

Our current goals: allocate money each month for life events (i.e. friends’ weddings, Christmas) so we don’t have to put those things on our credit cards, and pay off the lowest of my student loans by the 4th of July. In addition to those two joint goals my goal is to pay off my American Express by April 1. (You can read more about our various accounts here.)

Our other new plan is to chat each time one of us gets paid about upcoming expenses so that we can stay on top of things and continue to be on the same page. Usually we’d just chat when the accounts were getting low, or after one of us randomly checked our online banking. This often left us frustrated and feeling like “we have no money.” But that’s a reactive way to deal with things and we don’t want to be reactive, we want to be proactive. Being reactive leaves you feeling out of control but being proactive will leave you feeling on top.

After our talk, I got in bed to read Catching Fire (the second in The Hunger Games series). I love laying in bed reading especially when it’s sunny out and the sun shines through the window. Of course I fell asleep.  Then I woke up to our neighbor talking on the phone and wishing someone a Happy Birthday! Like not OK. This happens pretty regularly (mostly at night when I get in bed at 9pm) so I figured it was a good opportunity to knock on the door and tell her.  She didn’t answer the door.

We had lunch and did laundry.  Folded it while listening to an old episode of the Dave Ramsey show.  Have you listened to this show? It’s crazy how much debt these people have paid off. Mike and I find it inspiring.

Then we headed down to the National Mall to throw the frisbee around. It was a warm day for winter, Mike was wearing shorts, and when my heart rate started to get up after a few good throws and catches, I took off my jacket.

Sometime in the last two years, Mike and I started throwing the frisbee around. I’m not sure why but I’m so glad we did. Mike really likes to play sports, any type of sport, and when we throw the frisbee around I feel like his buddy.  It’s also exercise, I can get a pretty good sweat going and feel my heart pumping. And it’s a good time for us to chat. When we lived in our old apartment, we’d walk up to the mall and toss it around on the lawn in front of the Capitol. Now that we live further from the Mall, we’ll have to make more of an effort to get down there to do but I really hope we do that more.  Why not take advantage of the great city we live in?

We stopped at Pinkberry on the way home for a light snack.  And then hit the grocery store to get ingredients for dinner.

We made a butternut squash calzone , using the filling from Jessica’s stuffed shells, with a gorgonzola cream sauce on the side. OMG was this good.  I think Mike almost died of satisfaction.

Then we watched Crazy Stupid Love.

January 1, 2012 is reflective of a lot of things I hope the rest of the year will be filled with: productivity, fun, quality time together, creativity in the kitchen, and relaxing time. We were out and about but also home. We were productive but also had time to play.

I’m really hopeful for 2012.  I think it’s going to be a great year.

I’d love to know:

How did you spend January 1, 2012?

Good talk

source

Last night Mike and I had a really good talk about money.  We talk about money on pretty regular basis, have worked out numerous budgets over the last couple of years living together, and often the conversations end with me frustrated and stressed.  But last night, the conversation went differently.

We created a budget a few months ago and have been trying to live within the parameters of it since. But we spent too much in November and then with the bedbugs and Christmas presents in December we’re kind of feeling like we’re not in control.  We’d like to get on the same page and really be on top of things going forward. So in preparation for a larger conversation about money, both of us have been thinking a lot about it.

When Mike picked me up for dinner last night, we started chatting about what we’d both been thinking so far: how we should allocate our money, the logistics of paying bills, budgeting, planning to attend friends’ weddings, go on vacation, save, buy Christmas gifts, pay down debt, etc. And we were on the same page.  Mike would say something and I’d say “Yeah, I agree, that’s a good idea.” And I’d say something and he’d say “I was thinking the same thing” or “You’re right.”

I think the difference between that conversation and some of our prior conversations is that we were both on board, both thinking about the issues separately before we came together. In the past we’d sat down to chat about money and we’d ask each other questions we didn’t have the answers for. Then I’d get combative and frustrated when Mike didn’t know exactly when the cable bill is due. But this time we’re both brainstorming, both thinking about potential budgets and different ways to allocate our money. We’re thinking about where we’ve gotten stuck in the past and how we can prepare for those types of things going forward.

We’ll have a more detailed conversation this weekend where we lay out real numbers, come up with a plan to manage our money and communicate about our money on a monthly basis, and decide on long term goals. I hope that by preparing individually for this longer conversation ahead of time, it will be more productive and substantive.

From our conversation last night, I’m thinking it will be.  We were very much on the same page and talking to each other as partners and teammates.  It’s exciting to plan our life together.