Author: jplatt27

relishing time alone

Posted on by jplatt27

Mike went home this weekend for a fantasy football draft. I feel kind of bad saying this but having the apartment to myself the last 24 hours or so was glorious.

After I dropped Mike off at a friend’s apartment, I got a sandwich from Jetty’s and had a quick lunch before prepping for my second vision board party.  I moseyed around the apartment vacuuming, baking, and cleaning while listening to MarieTV.

My guests arrived and we spent almost three hours together.  I’m telling you, the right women always show up to these things.

For some reason I was exhausted when they left so I got into some comfy pants and a sweatshirt and took a two and half hour nap.

I woke up and ate half a leftover sandwich for dinner. I got in bed to read and it was lights out by 9:30.  (Two things here:  I often feel guilty that I go to bed so early especially on weekends.  When I say lights out, I mean the whole apartment was off for the night. No guilt, and complete dark and quiet, yahtzee!)

I slept in the middle of the bed.  With the windows open. (We live on a busy street so it gets kind of loud and Mike probably would’ve been too hot.)

I stayed in bed until about 7:30 this morning.  Got up, made some pancakes and coffee and sat in front of my computer to write a little bit. (This I could do with Mike here but I usually wait for him to get up before deciding on breakfast.  We often go get coffee and bagels at a local coffeeshop/bookstore.)

I did the dishes from breakfast and the ones from the party.  (I like doing the dishes on my own terms.)

I talked on the phone while roaming through the apartment. (Being on the phone is tough in a one bedroom apartment when we’re both here.  I feel confined to one room.)

I went to get a pedicure with Emily.

I didn’t feel like spending money buying lunch so I came home and had some cheese and cinnamon sugar pita chips with a side of strawberries, and now I’m settled at my kitchen table writing.

I hear a little bit of traffic outside, the cars a little louder than usual beause of the rain on the road, the clock ticking and the hum of the refrigerator.  And that’s it.  It’s totally quiet.  The TV isn’t on in here or in the other room.

I’m free to sit in silence or listen to music or watch TV and I don’t have to worry about bothering anyone.

Mike is super laid back and super easy to live with but still, there’s something different about being home alone.  Something so fulfilling about having time to myself with nothing else to do. It’s the freedom to do things on my own time, on my own terms.  It’s peace.

I’m excited to give him a huge hug and kiss when he walks through the door in a little while.  

But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to relish these next few hours of Jo time.  

In fact, mid-way through this post, I put my sweatshirt back on, have moved into bed, and am watching OWN while I finish up.  I imagine I’ll be napping in about 15 minutes.

the line between encouraging and nagging

Posted on by jplatt27

Sitting at lunch on Sunday afternoon, tired from a long weekend but so happy I said to Mike:

so what do you want to do?

what do you want to be?

Mike has a great job but he still hasn’t found his perfect career fit just yet.  As I’m his number one fan and have so much confidence in him, and because I want this for everyone I love, I want him to find the perfect fit, to live up to his potential, to find the thing that will make him come alive. Because I love seeing him at his best.

But when a friend recently expressed concern about her boyfriend getting too comfortable in a job and getting stuck, my advice was this:

when the right thing comes along he will be stimulated and engaged and then he’ll make a move. 

As I was saying this I was thinking that maybe I should take my own advice.

I’m constantly wondering about Mike and encouraging him to find his “thing” and asking questions to get him thinking.

I was joking with my friends that Mike might actually pay me not to coach him, to just stay out of it.

But because he’s my husband I only want the absolute best for him.  I want him to be engaged and alive and happy.  I want him to be proud of the career path that he’s on and excited to share it with others. I want him to live up to his true potential and feel like he’s on top of the world.

While I’m only doing this out of love, the same way I do when I give my little sisters unsolicited advice, this behavior can create a rift between us, can make him feel pressured.

In this case I’m talking about work but this can also apply to fitness, health, parenting, family relations, hobbies, whatever.

So where is the line between encouraging your partner to move forward, supporting them where they are, and just being a nag?

I’m still trying to find the balance.

growing pains

Posted on by jplatt27

I’m back to my normal self after a week of grumpiness! Or at least I can feel my normal happy self peaking back through.

I spent most of my free time last week vegging in front of the TV, laying in bed, or reading the book Fury: True Tales of a Good Girl Gone Ballistic which I’m absolutely loving.

It’s weird, sometimes I want to punch something and feel very angry and then I’ll just feel full of love and want to hug everyone.  Very strange oscillation.

I think my life coach training stirred up some emotions and feelings that I didn’t even realize I had pushed down and pushed down and now they’re bubbling up.  They want to come out.

I’m calling them growing pains and trying to just feel the pain, to let myself experience the anger, love, sadness so that I can move past it.

You know when you clean or organize your room, it gets so much messier before it gets better?  I think that’s what’s this experience is going to be like. A little crazy and tiring during the process but then so satisfying and peaceful when you’re done.

I’d love to know:

Have you ever had growing pains? I had some serious growing pains after my wedding.  Remember when I picked up my wedding dress? After I allowed myself to process them, I was able to move past them. 

 

 

 

 

mad

Posted on by jplatt27

I’m so mad.

I’m not mad at a specific person or thing, in fact I can’t really pinpoint exactly what’s making me feel this way but for the past 5 days or so I’ve been so mad.

I have this anger that is bubbling up from deep within me, a rage I can’t place and haven’t really been able to release.

On Saturday I went to yoga knowing that it would make me feel better even though I just wanted to get back in bed and sleep all day. I went, I felt good, and then as we were walking to the car I said to Mike “I’m so mad right now.” I was stewing for the ride home.  Walking to our apartment I said “Grr.  I’m so angry. I just want to punch something.”  We kind of laughed because this is so unlike me and it’s comical that I feel this so deeply and don’t know where it’s coming from.  Mike held a pillow for me and I punched it.  A lot.  And quickly.  Then he started laughing because this is kind of silly and ridiculous, but I wasn’t done, I still wanted to punch more and I started crying and he hugged me. I felt better.

Yesterday I woke up and by 7am I was already feeling really mad again.  I decided I would get back in bed and sleep this mood off.  I woke up again, felt better, and went to Eastern Market with a friend. Within about 15 minutes of being home, the anger was back. I showered, put on my robe and sat grumpily in front of the TV.  I didn’t want to watch anything.  I didn’t want to read. I didn’t want to write. I didn’t even want to take a nap.  I got in bed to watch TV and then thought maybe I could release some anger by screaming into a pillow. I rolled over, put my head into my pillow, and screamed.  It felt really silly.  It didn’t sound like what I thought it would sound like. But I did it again. Within about 10 minutes I felt better.

This morning I woke up my normal happy self and went to the gym.  I’m going to start my week off on the right foot, I thought.  But as I got going on the elliptical the anger slowly started to bubble up.  And here I am, it’s 7am and I’m so mad.  So so mad.  And I’m still not sure where the heck this is coming from. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

In my life coach training they said that sometimes people in anger need to stay in anger for a while.  I’m going to try to just sit in my anger for a while when it comes up.  Fighting the anger certainly doesn’t help.

And I try to honor my body and my emotions instead of pushing them down. I’m not going to tell myself not to be angry.  It’s a fact I’m mad right now.  It’s ok.  It’s super uncomfortable though so maybe I’ll try one of the pillow techniques again before I go to work.

That’s where I’m at.  And I’m telling you this because 1) it helps me to write about it and 2) this anger is the reason I haven’t been posting.  I have so many things I want to write about like our new division of labor and some big dreams I have and the worst part of being an adult. I even have a giveaway lined up! But it’s kind of difficult to write from the heart, to write authentically and with passion about love, marriage, dreams, happiness, and friendship in my usual upbeat tone when I’m ridiculously mad.

So please bear with me while I go through this weird phase.

And now for a weird change of events/mood: I googled “bear with me v. bare with me” and found that it is the former as “bare with me” would be “an invitation to undress” (source). And now I just want to start giggling. And I’m feeling light and happy.  Bare with me, hahaha.  Hahahahaha.

Until the next time my anger bubbles up,

Lots and lots and lots of love,

Jo

 

something changed

Posted on by jplatt27

When people ask us “how is married life?” both of us would say “it’s about the same.” And while not many things in our day to day lives have changed since the wedding, something has definitely changed in our relationship.  Though it’s continued to change since our wedding, I think it started before we said I do. I think it started when I said yes.

For the first time we were a team.  Prior to that it was team Mike and I was the head cheerleader and team Jo with Mike as the head cheerleader. We were very much on the same page and supportive of each other’s goals and dreams but for the most part we each did our own thing and came together after.

Planning our wedding was the first major project we ever worked on together in a way that required us to really be a united front. Even searching for an apartment and moving to DC together wasn’t that big of a deal in this sense because that really only involved the two of us. We went and looked at apartments, decided which one we liked best, put money down, and signed a lease. Easy. Peasy.

But planning a wedding is a whole ‘nother ball game.  Though I didn’t realize this when I started planning, our wedding wasn’t only about the two of us. Our parents were major stakeholders in the day as well.  And then we had family, friends, and other guests to worry about too.  And vendors.

All of these people had opinions about our wedding from reception location and the weather to groomsman attire and food. We had to consider what we wanted and work as a team to make our vision come to life while taking into account all the other people and their thoughts. We had to advocate for what we wanted as individuals as well as what we wanted as a couple. And we had to be gracious in turning down other people’s ideas.

This was the first time we interacted as a unit and made decisions together and reported out to our families.  It went from this is what I want or this is what Mike’s up to to this is what we think is best.

There were budgets to balance, updates to give, vendor meetings, orders to place, details to coordinate.  Oh, and vows to write and a ceremony to create and personalize to reflect our values and our love.

This was a pretty cool thing.  It was challenging at times, sure, but it only prepared us for life ahead.

promise me we'll be weird

Posted on by jplatt27

While I was preparing for my vision board party, Mike was helping me make some cookies.  I don’t remember what possessed this, maybe I needed a laugh, but I said “I have an idea.  Why don’t I make a rule where for the next 10 minutes, you can only speak in rhyme?”

Mike was quiet for a little while but then after about 45 seconds, he said a line in rhyme.  And I giggled.  And we kept going.

And now it’s kind of our thing.  We just rhyme randomly.  And laugh.

Then, earlier this week we were in the kitchen doing dishes after dinner and I was packing up the leftovers for lunch when in a loud random voice I said “the lunch.”

Mike started laughing and when I asked what he was laughing about he said “I was just going to start singing and it would’ve been really embarrassing.”

Because I want to protect my husband from more public shame, I told him I wouldn’t share the song he then broke into.  But, it was hilarious.  So funny and silly. I was giggling up a storm.

We kept making up more lyrics to this song that had to do with lunch and leftovers and dishes.  And we kept cracking up.

I’m still struck as we laugh and laugh and laugh by how good it feels to do so.

And as we laughed and laughed, made up more lyrics, and laughed and cheered at each other’s good rhymes, I said to Mike

promise me we’ll always be weird.

I never want to stop laughing like this.  How many adults did you see being silly or weird when you were a kid?  I didn’t see many.

When we’re “grown up” and have kids, I don’t want to stop giggling and joking around with my husband. As we take on more responsibility in years to come, I still want to have good clean fun like this.  I want to laugh.  I want us to still be weird.

 

opposite frustrations

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What makes you angry? Who makes you angry?

This is one question I have to answer in preparation for the first module of my life coach training this weekend.  I have to be honest there aren’t a lot of things that come to mind off the top of my head so I’ve had to think about this a little bit.

But when we got from New York on Sunday night Mike reminded me of something that drives. me. crazy.

We walk in the door around 8:45 after picking up Chipotle before getting a cab home from the bus. First thing Mike does when we get home: empty our bags and put everything into trash bags with moth balls (a preventative measure in case we picked up any hitchhikers from the hotel–a little paranoid? probably but I do understand his concern, we don’t want to go through that again).

First thing I do when we get home: drop my bags, turn on the TV, and settle onto the couch with my burrito bowl.

After Mike finishes his burrito, he starts looking around in the kitchen. (I found some random bugs a couple weeks ago in one of our kitchen cabinets.) “I found some more of those bugs.  They were dead, but still.”

More bugs? Ok, they’re dead?  No action necessary, I think.

Next thing I know he’s emptying everything out of the cabinet again and asking that I help him pull the cabinet out from the wall.

Do we have to do this now? I think. We just got home from a super busy weekend and it’s late. Can’t you see I’m busy watching the latest episode of the Kardashians? 

The next morning I’m making my usual chocolate chip pancakes and moving some baking sheets out of the way so I can get a measuring cup.  A second later Mike is standing in the kitchen saying “you’re not putting all of that stuff back already, are you?”

No, I’m not. I’m just moving them out of my way so I can get a measuring cup. (I actually might’ve said this with a little ‘tude.  Ok, I’m sure I did.)

Last night I pick Mike up from the metro, he stopped to get groceries and the bus he was taking broke down on the way home.  I unload the groceries and tell him to relax while I make dinner.  He changes his clothes and next thing I know he’s in the kitchen opening the cabinet again to check for more bugs.

Do we have to do this now? You just got home.  And I’m trying to make dinner.  Why do we need to freak out?

“You know what makes me angry?” I ask Mike. “When you are paranoid about things and start stressing out over something so small like bugs.”

“You know what makes me angry?” Mike says to me. “Your apathy to things like this.”

I just started laughing.

 

an honor and a privilege

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One of the best things in life is witnessing, sharing, and celebrating the love and happiness of people that mean the world to you.

I spent the weekend doing just that at my friend Lauren’s wedding. Alongside our best friends from college, I had the privilege to be a bridesmaid and partake in all of the wedding festivities.  It was truly an honor to share this special day with my friend and see the love and joy that surrounded her up close. Thank you, LEM, for this very special experience.

 

PS–I’m guest posting over at Perfection Isn’t Happy today while Emily is on her honeymoon! Check it out!

 

 

honoring myself through my morning "routine"

Posted on by jplatt27

Good morning!

I LOVE the morning.  It’s my favorite time of the day.  The day ahead has so much promise, there’s quiet before the hustle and bustle of the day begins.  I love being in my car on the way to the gym while no one is on the road yet.  It’s quiet and I’m alone with my thoughts.  This is my “me time.”

While I’ve never had a morning routine per say–sometimes I dry my hair and then pick my outfit, sometimes I pack my lunch before getting ready–I used to do almost the same thing most mornings a week: get up, go to the gym, come back, shower, breakfast, Today Show, get ready, make lunch, go to work.

Recently though, I’ve been spending my mornings a little differently.  I’m doing what I like to call “what I feel like, when I feel like.” Most mornings I get up between 5:45 and 6:15ish and most mornings I have chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. But other than that, I’m just listening to my body and mind to decide what I want to do and then honoring that.

Some mornings it means going to the gym and zoning out on the elliptical.  Other mornings it means busting through a serious strength training routine.

Some mornings it means doing chores like laundry or dishes.  One morning recently I got up and made this quinoa! Another Monday, I got up and went grocery shopping.

Some mornings I just want to veg on the couch so I’ll zone out in front of the Kardashians.  Other mornings, I’ll crawl back into bed for 20 minutes after breakfast and nap or read.

Some mornings I’ll blog or work or check email. One morning while we were house-sitting I got off the metro and walked in the direction opposite my office, went to Starbucks and sat and wrote for 15-20 minutes in my journal.

I love this.  I love easing my way into the day on my own terms, in my own way.  There aren’t many hours each day that are “mine” and I’m relishing this time of using these hours to relax and do what I want to do.  It’s like I’ve added a little piece of weekend to each of my days.  Yes, there’s a part of me feels like I should get back into a more regular gym routine.  And when my body tells me that’s what it wants, that’s what I’ll do.

But for now, I’m loving my non-routine.  I’m honoring my self, my body, and my mind in this small way every day.  And it feels so good.  Isn’t this what life is all about?

First a question or two, then a request.

How do you spend your mornings? What’s your “me time”?

Find a way to honor a piece of yourself–however small or however selfish it might feel.  Indulge in it.  Relish it.  And then, do it again.

 

falling is not failing

Posted on by jplatt27

Last night I went to my favorite yoga class and during the balance track, I was reminded of something I’ve been wanting to share for a while.

It must’ve been a year and half ago that I heard this phrase during a balance pose. It brought tears to my eyes that first time because of the pure truth of it.  And it’s stuck with me ever since.

Falling is not failing.

Falling is not failing.

Though the balance poses are seemingly simple and don’t require much physical strength or stamina, they can be very challenging.  Sometimes you’ll lose balance or focus and start to wobble a little bit but catch yourself.  Other times, you’ll topple over and touch the ground.  But if you keep at it, you’ll find your way.

But touching down on the ground is not failure.  It means you pushed yourself, it means you tried.  If you didn’t try, you couldn’t fall. If you didn’t try at all, you wouldn’t find the pose.

In life, we all fall sometimes. But when we do, it’s important to remember that falling is not failing.

When it comes to my career I toppled over quite a bit on the way to finding my balance.

For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a teacher.  I taught right out of undergrad and lasted three months. My life long dream of changing the world one child at a time lasted all of three months.  I couldn’t do it. I quit before Thanksgiving of my first year.

I started at my current job in the development office of a university here in DC shortly after.  Within six months, cubicle life started to weigh on me. While I enjoyed my job and the people around me, I knew I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing and I was constantly on a search to figure out what I was going to “be.” Part of me still couldn’t believe that I wasn’t a teacher.

Though I never wanted to go back to teaching, teaching/educating/inspiring people was an integral part of me. I explored options within my current field while at the same time taking classes with my tuition benefit. I started down the path to become a career counselor and finished a group of courses on the subject.  I applied for a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. I didn’t get in.  While of course it stung to get rejected, part of me was relieved.

But I was stumped.  Now what? Over the next year or so I grappled with what to do. I decided I’d try a course in the business school. I always thought an MBA would be practical and that I’d be interested in it.  It’s versatile.  Why not? I was able to take a class without being admitted into the program so I dipped my toe in the water with a course on organizations and leadership. While I thought the course was interesting when class was in session, it was literally like pulling teeth to get me to start on assignments. I felt an overwhelming amount of stress from one class that was really not that difficult.  Something about it just didn’t sit right with me.  When I decided to drop the class I’d enrolled in for the second half of the semester, I was immensely relieved.  Huge weight off my shoulders.

And now, after falling a handful of times over the last four years, I’ve finally found the right fit: I am a life coach.  Now that I’ve found it, it makes complete sense.  All of the things I tried up to this point had aspects of coaching in it but none were exactly what I wanted. And so, after a while, I’d topple.

But not now.  Not this time. With life coaching, it’s like I’m beaming in star pose.  This feels completely right.  I start my formal training next weekend and I couldn’t be more excited.  I’ve already done a bunch of lengthy assignments for the program and while they were challenging, they never felt like work.

It wasn’t easy to get here.  In front of family, friends, and co-workers, it seemed like I toppled over arms flailing again and again. I fell so many times.

But you know how it feels when you finally nail a pose–like crow pose or something–and though you’re scared to death that you might fall flat on your head if you lose balance, when you find yourself holding the pose, even for five seconds, there’s that elation, that feeling of pure bliss, like wow. You know it?

 source

Yeah, that’s what this feels like.

So no matter what you’re trying to figure out, whether it’s a career or a significant other or a new recipe or a new way with money or whatever, remember falling is not failing.