Category: Quarterlife Crisis

it's OK if you don't know

Posted on by jplatt27

A few weeks ago, I went back to my alma mater to participate in a career day for sophomores. I was part of a panel called Unexpected Career Paths.  It was so fun to share my career story and hear the stories and advice of other alumni on the panel.

A reoccurring theme through the event, from the keynote address to the panel discussions, was “it’s OK if you don’t know what you want to do.”

Let me repeat that:

It’s OK if you don’t know what you want to do for the rest of your life.

I did. And then I didn’t.

 

But, if you want to figure it out, I’d be happy to help.

what i do as a life coach

Posted on by jplatt27

In September 2011, I wrote this on my blog:

We were on the boardwalk and a little girl was sitting two benches down from us admiring a new hermit crab and holding onto a green balloon.  It’s pretty windy here today and the balloon got caught in the wind and started bouncing down the boardwalk.  Did the little girl cry?  Nope.  She said “let’s get it” and started running after it with a big smile on her face.  She and her uncle finally caught up to it and she walked back our way with her arms around the balloon and a huge smile on her face.  They walked past us on their way to do whatever it is they were going to do next.  Two or three minutes later, we see a green balloon bouncing by again. It brushes Mike’s leg as it bounces under the bench we’re sitting on and a pinkish red one follows.  And here comes the uncle chasing after it again, the little girl following quickly behind, still with a big smile on her face.  And i thought, this is a great metaphor for life.  If your green balloon starts to blow or bounce away, just run after it with a big smile on your face. You’ll get it.

This is what I do now. As a life coach, I help my clients chase after their balloons with a smiles on their faces.

how I prepare for an interview

Posted on by jplatt27

Some of my favorite people are applying for jobs!

Here’s how I prepare for interviews:

I create a handwritten sheet that looks like the picture above.  Writing it by hand helps to solidify the information in your head in a way that typing doesn’t. I recommend handwriting it.

It has three sections:

  1. why Joanna, 
  2. why the job/company, and
  3. questions.

In the first section, why Joanna, I list qualities, skills, and experiences I have that make me a good candidate and that I want to remember to highlight in my interview. You can include projects you’ve worked on in the past, successes from previous positions, or just qualities of you as a worker/person.

In the second section, why the job/company/organization, I list things about the job that interest me, reasons why I’d want to work for that particular company, why you applied, etc.

And last but not least, the questions section.  Here I come up with 3-5 really good questions, ones that show I know enough to ask a good question but also are things I’m curious about. You should always ask questions at the end of the interview, and have questions prepared ahead of time just in case you get caught up and can’t think of one in the moment. Asking good questions shows your interest in the position. The answers to these questions can give you clues about the working environment, how they problem solve, how the organization handles certain situations.  You can use the questions to get information you can use to compare and contrast your current job or previous positions, etc.  One tip for creating your questions: make sure they’re not too leading–you don’t want the interviewer to think you will or will not take the job based on how they answer.

After I fill out my worksheet, I review it a little bit but truthfully I hardly have to reference it in the interview because I spent time thinking about it, writing it, and looking at it.

How do you prepare for interviews?

a fraternity house & a pain in my heart

Posted on by jplatt27

I was driving back from the grocery store and passed a fraternity house in the neighborhood. There were guys and girls outside grilling burgers and drinking beer.  It was an Indian summer night–high 70’s on October 24. The whole thing seemed so carefree.

I only saw them for a second but I got a pang of nostalgia in my heart. I miss those days when your life could be dictated by the weather.  Hey, yeah, it’s warm out, let’s have a cook out. And everyone you know is pretty much free for burgers and beer pong.

Prior to this scene I was proud of myself for making the commitment to go to the grocery store on a weeknight after I’d already been home from work, for deciding to be proactive and get the ingredients to make pumpkin dip for my book club.

Like woah, I’m old. Not only am I not in college anymore, but enough time has passed that I could’ve gotten another undergraduate degree.  Done the entire thing over again.

I miss those days of friends all the time, group lunches, shorts and flip flops, and boys walking around in backward hats.

Thinking back on this scene now, I’m filled with the same intense nostalgia that hit me that night. I’ve had bouts of nostalgia a few times over the years, but nothing like this.  I’m not sure where it’s coming from and why it’s staying with me.  I just know it’s here now.

 

 

oh hey student loans

Posted on by jplatt27

As November approaches, the six month grace period on many student loans is coming to an end and panic mode is starting to set in for some 2012 grads I know.  The weight of the debt and monthly payments is starting to set in.  Fear and overwhelm follow.

I’ve been there. With the principal on my student loans, I could buy a sizable house in the mid-west so I get it.

I get the stress and overwhelming feeling that come along with dealing with student loans for the first time. Not only is there a massive amount owed and sizable monthly payments, but trying to figure it all out on the bank’s website can be a little like reading a different language.

What’s due, when?  How long will this take?  How much will I owe when all is said and done? Consolidating?  How do I do that?  How do I know if it makes sense for me?

I have to call the bank? What?  Do I have to? I know it seems so daunting, you’d probably rather re-take the SATs.

But truthfully, once you get acquainted with the loans and the monthly payments, it’s really not that bad. They’re not as scary as they seem.

I suggest you get friendly with your student loans right off the bat. Just go up and say hello. Find out what you can about them, do a little digging, be patient because they may not reveal all of their baggage in the first date.  Take a deep breath.

Try not to get frustrated if they don’t communicate as clearly as you’d like.  You’ll be able to figure out what they mean soon enough.  Be persistent.

Also, don’t run away screaming when they start talking about your future together.  So maybe you don’t know where you want to be in 2022. That’s ok. If you want to take things slow or speed things up, you can explore that later.  For now, you’re just getting to know each other.

Get to know them.  Be open.  Don’t get defensive. The first step in figuring out your relationship, in deciding how you want things to go from here, is going on the first date.

P.S. Spring for a full evening instead of just a quick coffee.

if you have to cry, go outside. [a review]

Posted on by jplatt27

I got Kelly Cutrone’s If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You from a friend who’d read it and thought I would like it.

Honestly I was a bit skeptical going into it.  I didn’t know who Kelly Cutrone is and the cover didn’t really pull me in. I mean “if you have to cry go outside” isn’t really a mantra that resonates with me. (Clearly.  1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

But this book was far from the coldness I felt in the title.  Frankly, it was warm and comforting.

Kelly (think I can call her that?) discusses finding yourself in your twenties and early thirties after the school path you were on ends and you’re left to design your own. She talks about many things that I’ve struggled with during my quarter-life crisis: career, babies, spirituality, relationships.

I was touched by her honesty, by her wisdom, and by how much her words resonated with me.  How much her message aligns so much with my own.

Some passages that resonated with me:

“I happen to believe the world will change only when we change ourselves.  And that starts with finding ourselves.  And that starts with listening to ourselves: learning to quiest the clamor in our minds and the voices of everyone around us and move toward what feels right–toward the things we know, for reasons we can’t explain, that we’re meant to do, the things that make us feel alive.” p. 9

“Study as many religions and teachings as possible; take what you like from each and leave the rest…Women should spend as much time looking for a religion of their own as they do trying to find a hot guy to have sex with. Because let’s be honest: there are too many examples of magic and miracles in this world to say with any certainty that there isn’t something fantastically wonderful going on here…if you don’t have faith in yourself and in something larger than yourself, and if you want to take this world at face value, you’re going to have a fucking nasty ride.” pp. 75-76

“We’re constantly moving from level to level, trying to collect the promised prizes, without stopping to think about the order we want these things to come in, or whether we even really want them at all.” p. 99

“It doesn’t matter how glamorous or lucrative a career may seem fro the outside; if it’s not the path you’re meant to be on, you will never be happy or fulfilled doing it.” p. 136

“I firmly believe that each woman is a goddess and that deep down inside herself she knows it.” p. 151

Aren’t these gems?  I’m sure there are many others that I loved but for whatever reason didn’t jot down as I was reading.

I really enjoyed this book and have already recommended it to a few friends. And now I recommend it to you.

Thank you, Kelly, for sharing this wisdom with us.

Question for you:

Do any of the passages above resonate with you?  If you’ve read the book, do you have others to add?

 

[two questions]: getting it done day to day

Posted on by jplatt27

I’m so happy to answer my first questions from a reader!  One of my sorority sisters asked these questions and I have to be honest, they were a little bit of a doozy for me. I’ll explain at the end.

What is your daily schedule?

~5:30 Wake up, no alarm. Stay in bed looking out the window and thinking.  This is a huge part of my “me time.” I used to get up and go to the gym 3-4 days a week but recently I just haven’t been feeling it and just relishing that time in bed.

6:00 Alarm goes off for Mike.

~6:40 I get out of bed before the last of about 6 snoozes goes off.

~7:00 Mike is out of bathroom and we’re having breakfast and watching Morning Joe or Mike & Mike (kind of together, kind of not)

7:45 Mike is off to work.

8:35 I leave to catch the bus. (Read more about my morning routine or lack thereof here.)

9ish-5ish work

6:00 Mike’s home

Evenings consist of coaching calls, tutoring, teleclasses, dinner, some TV, trying to have quality time with my husband.

~9:05 I’m in bed.

 

How do you get everything done?

There are two parts to this answer:

1) I don’t, some things get put off. Perfect example: the big peach spot on the bottom of our tub.  It’s gone now because on a whim I thought “ok, this has gotta go” but it was there for about 2+ weeks before I did anything about it.

2) My husband helps a lot. I was actually thinking about this recently after a friend asked “how do you do it all?” That was the primary answer I came up with.  Of course I’d love to think that I’m super woman but really, Mike does a lot for me.  From grocery shopping, to cooking, to cleaning, to managing our money, Mike really does a lot.

—————————

To be honest, I struggled a lot in answering these questions.  I came up with two questions as a nice, easy way to share things about married life, relationships, life as a twenty-something but these threw me a little bit.  The answers about driving and where we eat dinner, piece of cake.  Ask me about money, I have an answer for that. The questions about friends and couples, a little harder but just took a little thinking to articulate my thoughts.

But these, I procrastinated on this post a little.  Ok, a lot actually.  I could’ve written this post over the weekend when I had time to sit in my bed with my computer, window open, nice breeze coming in, watching OWN, and writing.

I did NOT want to answer these questions this morning when I had plenty of time to draft a post. And I had a little bit of anxiety when I thought about writing this post when I was relaxing after work.

It’s now 9:17 and I’m still up typing away.

Here’s why.  I wasn’t ready to own the answers to these questions. These answers aren’t completely working for me and so it was a bit harder to share them.

Frankly, when it comes to my schedule, I’m working with what I’ve got at this point.  It’s not ideal.  I’d like to have a little more balance and relaxation in my week, more time for my husband.  Ideally, I’d have happy hour plans once a week between Monday and Thursday and the gym would be back to something I just do. I’d work significantly less than I do and my work wouldn’t creep into my mornings and evenings like it does now.

How do I get everything done? Geez, just hit me where it hurts! I always feel like I’m not doing enough.  That I could be doing more, more, more in every aspect of my life.

But you know what my schedule does reflect? Trying to strike a balance between work and personal time, something that’s very important to me. I’m proud that I give myself the time I need and that I’m working toward a dream.  And that I made a concerted effort to add a little more of what I want and need: time to rejuvenate through a hobby, and time with my husband. 

And you know what I do get done?  Enough. Each day I do exactly what I was meant to do. I’m doing just fine.

Note to self: remind yourself of these things when the little voice inside your head tells you that you’re not doing enough or that you should be doing more (probably around 6:50 tomorrow morning).

 

I have to say a big, big, THANK YOU to Katie for asking these questions and inspiring this post and the reflection and honesty that came from it.

the worst part of being an adult

Posted on by jplatt27

The real world.  We’ve all got to enter it at some point.  It includes bill paying, work, finding a new identity that’s not student, and while all of that has its challenges, none of these are the worst part of being an adult.

Let me explain…

….

It’s about noon on Sunday and my best friends from college and I are sprawled across two beds in the hotel room we shared after LEM‘s bachelorette party wishing we could all go back to sleep for about 4 more hours.  We were out til 4am, drinking and dancing up a storm.  Our heads hurt and we’re so tired. But as I cuddle and chat with my best friends, all 6 of us together, this warm loving feeling spreads over me and I say “isn’t life just so good right now?” They all laugh because it’s ridiculous–we’re exhausted and the room is spinning a bit–but I know deep down they all agree.

….

It’s a Sunday breakfast that turns into three hours over coffee and crepes, a lunch date that leaves you bouncing into your office, a happy hour that turns into dinner and a bottle of wine and not getting home until 10:30 on a Monday.

….

It’s a text message telling you about a DC pizza place on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives or an email mid-day Wednesday asking how the week is going.

….

Yes, these are some of the best things in life.

But they point to the worst thing about being an adult: there’s never enough time for friends. 

And maybe the flip side of that is realizing how valuable these people are.  And finally learning to shift your priorities to make time for them.  Because they are everything.

 

Talk to me: what do you think is the worst part of being an adult?

growing pains

Posted on by jplatt27

I’m back to my normal self after a week of grumpiness! Or at least I can feel my normal happy self peaking back through.

I spent most of my free time last week vegging in front of the TV, laying in bed, or reading the book Fury: True Tales of a Good Girl Gone Ballistic which I’m absolutely loving.

It’s weird, sometimes I want to punch something and feel very angry and then I’ll just feel full of love and want to hug everyone.  Very strange oscillation.

I think my life coach training stirred up some emotions and feelings that I didn’t even realize I had pushed down and pushed down and now they’re bubbling up.  They want to come out.

I’m calling them growing pains and trying to just feel the pain, to let myself experience the anger, love, sadness so that I can move past it.

You know when you clean or organize your room, it gets so much messier before it gets better?  I think that’s what’s this experience is going to be like. A little crazy and tiring during the process but then so satisfying and peaceful when you’re done.

I’d love to know:

Have you ever had growing pains? I had some serious growing pains after my wedding.  Remember when I picked up my wedding dress? After I allowed myself to process them, I was able to move past them. 

 

 

 

 

mad

Posted on by jplatt27

I’m so mad.

I’m not mad at a specific person or thing, in fact I can’t really pinpoint exactly what’s making me feel this way but for the past 5 days or so I’ve been so mad.

I have this anger that is bubbling up from deep within me, a rage I can’t place and haven’t really been able to release.

On Saturday I went to yoga knowing that it would make me feel better even though I just wanted to get back in bed and sleep all day. I went, I felt good, and then as we were walking to the car I said to Mike “I’m so mad right now.” I was stewing for the ride home.  Walking to our apartment I said “Grr.  I’m so angry. I just want to punch something.”  We kind of laughed because this is so unlike me and it’s comical that I feel this so deeply and don’t know where it’s coming from.  Mike held a pillow for me and I punched it.  A lot.  And quickly.  Then he started laughing because this is kind of silly and ridiculous, but I wasn’t done, I still wanted to punch more and I started crying and he hugged me. I felt better.

Yesterday I woke up and by 7am I was already feeling really mad again.  I decided I would get back in bed and sleep this mood off.  I woke up again, felt better, and went to Eastern Market with a friend. Within about 15 minutes of being home, the anger was back. I showered, put on my robe and sat grumpily in front of the TV.  I didn’t want to watch anything.  I didn’t want to read. I didn’t want to write. I didn’t even want to take a nap.  I got in bed to watch TV and then thought maybe I could release some anger by screaming into a pillow. I rolled over, put my head into my pillow, and screamed.  It felt really silly.  It didn’t sound like what I thought it would sound like. But I did it again. Within about 10 minutes I felt better.

This morning I woke up my normal happy self and went to the gym.  I’m going to start my week off on the right foot, I thought.  But as I got going on the elliptical the anger slowly started to bubble up.  And here I am, it’s 7am and I’m so mad.  So so mad.  And I’m still not sure where the heck this is coming from. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

In my life coach training they said that sometimes people in anger need to stay in anger for a while.  I’m going to try to just sit in my anger for a while when it comes up.  Fighting the anger certainly doesn’t help.

And I try to honor my body and my emotions instead of pushing them down. I’m not going to tell myself not to be angry.  It’s a fact I’m mad right now.  It’s ok.  It’s super uncomfortable though so maybe I’ll try one of the pillow techniques again before I go to work.

That’s where I’m at.  And I’m telling you this because 1) it helps me to write about it and 2) this anger is the reason I haven’t been posting.  I have so many things I want to write about like our new division of labor and some big dreams I have and the worst part of being an adult. I even have a giveaway lined up! But it’s kind of difficult to write from the heart, to write authentically and with passion about love, marriage, dreams, happiness, and friendship in my usual upbeat tone when I’m ridiculously mad.

So please bear with me while I go through this weird phase.

And now for a weird change of events/mood: I googled “bear with me v. bare with me” and found that it is the former as “bare with me” would be “an invitation to undress” (source). And now I just want to start giggling. And I’m feeling light and happy.  Bare with me, hahaha.  Hahahahaha.

Until the next time my anger bubbles up,

Lots and lots and lots of love,

Jo