Category: Relationship

Sex is for your body, not your mind.

Posted on by Kelsey Leetzow

I’m reading Pleasurable Weight Loss by Jena La Flamme and in it, she talks about increasing your threshold for pleasure.

I had that chapter on my mind when I had this mind blowing thought the other day:

Sex is for the body, not the mind.

I mean, duh. Men, if you’re reading this, you’re probably like what is she talking about? No shit. Why is there a blog post about this?

But women, you might get it.

If you’ve ever experienced a racing mind during sex, you know how life changing this thought is.

Sex is for the body, not the mind.

It’s not so you can be more loved. It’s not to check a box.

It’s for you to feel pleasure and your partner to feel pleasure, and in the process of this experience build your connection.

But first and foremost, pleasure.

So, the next time you’re in bed and your mind starts going going going worrying about is this good and should I do this or what about that or wow, I’m a good significant other for this, or when will this be over….STOP.

Remember that sex is for your body, not your mind.

And just like meditation, when your mind starts to wander (like it inevitably will…), bring your mind and attention back to your breath.

But in this case, bring it right back between your legs.

Your body knows exactly what to do.

 

what else will i find?

Posted on by jplatt27

The other day I was talking to a friend and she shared a concern about her relationship. “We’ve been dating this long and I’m still finding things that bother me. It makes me wonder, what else will I find?? Will I continue to find things that bug me?”

The short answer is yes.

Yes, you will find more things that bother you. Because we’re human and always changing, it’s very likely that he will develop some new habits. It’s also likely that you may become irritated by some things that never bothered you before.

Like the ice-chewing. He’s probably been doing that for years. But one day, you’ll hear it for the first time. And you’ll think it’s annoying.

But you’ll also find more things that you love, more things that are endearing.

Like the toilet paper. And how he’s really good about noticing when it’s getting low and putting a new roll on the back of the toilet so you’re not stuck. That’s a pretty great small thing. And it speaks to something about his character that you really really love.

And you’ve got to set yourself up to look for that instead. You’ve got to decide that the little annoying things say nothing about his character and who he is as a person. And that the endearing things have everything to do with it.

the real process of a wedding

Posted on by jplatt27

All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks – all those sentences that began with “when we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will” – those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe”- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. ~Union by Robert Fulghum, one of our wedding readings

Writing our vows was one of the most powerful things we’ve ever done. It was also one of the scariest.

Vow Ideas

We sat in Starbucks on a Sunday morning, trying to put together the thoughts we had each jotted down separately into promises we’d build our marriage on. It was intense. I remember looking at him and sharing things I’d never said out loud before about what he meant to me and what I hoped for our future.

Trying to articulate something you feel so deeply is tricky.  Opening your heart, really putting yourself out there, even to someone you love so deeply and have known for so long isn’t easy. You feel vulnerable, raw even. Just thinking about this experience I’m getting that “I-don’t-want-to-cry-and-am-holding-back-tears” feeling in my throat. It was more than two years ago.

How often do you actually express what you value as a couple, how you want to love each other, what your hopes are? You don’t really. Many things just go unsaid or assumed.

Whether or not you plan to write and say your own vows in your upcoming wedding, or whether or not you’ve already said “I do,” I think this act of sitting down together to write promises, to share what you love about your relationship and the qualities you want to define your relationship in the long run, is a powerful one. It’s one that may make you feel exposed and vulnerable but one that is really worth it.  It’s an intimate experience that brings you together closer than you’ve been before. It certainly brought us together in a deeper way than ever before.

Talk to me:

Did you/would you write your own vows?

Would you have a conversation with your husband or wife now? If so, what promises would you like you make to your spouse?

 

 

a relationship secret ingredient?

Posted on by jplatt27

I had a great conversation with a friend about our relationships the other day. We found the when we feel happy with ourselves, when we’re at our best, our relationships with our significant others are better.  The more attracted I am to myself, the more I’m aligned/connected with my true authentic self, the more attracted I am to my husband.

I’m serious about this. This feels so good.  So so good. Our relationship is better, our connection is better, the sex is better–and more frequent!

I feel like we’ve uncovered a secret relationship gem.  One of the many magic bullets.

So, OK. Knowing this secret ingredient, how can we use it to our advantage?

Well, under what circumstances do you feel most like yourself? In what situations are you, you? Got it? OK. Now create those for yourself as regularly as possible.

I imagine this goes both ways. So, how can you encourage your significant other to be himself? How can you put yourself in situations where your husband feels confident and alive, where his true self, that amazing person you fell in love with can come out? Got it? OK, great.  Make that happen.

And report back, will ya?

thoughts from Juliet

Posted on by jplatt27

I was flipping through some old journal notes and came upon this quote  I jotted down from The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. It still resonated with me when I reread it so I thought I’d share it with you.

“I don’t want to be married just to be married. I can’t think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can’t talk to, or worse, someone I can’t be silent with.” ~Juliet, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, page 8

Two questions:

1) Thoughts on the passage?

2) Have you read this book? I read it around Christmas time and really enjoyed it. It’s told through a series of letters and it’s interesting to see how the plot and characters develop through notes to and from different characters.

thought a day

Posted on by jplatt27

Mike got me a thought-a-day journal for Christmas. It’s a five year journal and for 5 years you write one thought a day.  When you get back to the beginning, you write year two’s thoughts under year one and so on. Wow, it’s crazy to think we could’ve filled two of these in the time we’ve been together.

I love the idea of this.  It’s neat to think about all that will change in the next five years–we’ll have new jobs, a baby or two, be living in a new place.  Think about the people we’ll meet, the places we’ll go, the things will do.  I know I’ll treasure this gift even after it’s all filled up.

How it’s going

You’d think this would be easy.  It’s a simple journal–you only have to write one or two thoughts per day! You don’t have to get into the nitty-gritty and spend 45 mins scribbling all the details of your day.  It’s meant to be quick and painless.

Here’s where I’m struggling:

I usually wait until right before bed to write my thought, at which point my thought is usually “I’m so tired.”  I don’t want an entire journal filled with “I’m so tired today.” Maybe writing down thoughts throughout the day would help and then I could choose a thought. Another option would be to write a thought first thing when I wake up the next morning.

It’s also kind of hard to choose one thought.  One thought that sums up the day.

I realize I’m probably over-thinking it (as I do with a LOT of things). I think I need to just enjoy it. Write if I want. Don’t put pressure if I don’t have a thought or I forget.

How quickly I forgot what I’ve learned about journaling…

10 years

Posted on by jplatt27

Yesterday marked 10 years together!

We Mike remembered our old anniversary yesterday morning and we hugged and wished each other a happy anniversary.

Then around lunch time Mike texted:

Today is our 10 year anniversary!

Wow!  I didn’t even realize.  It stopped me in my tracks and reminded me how grateful I am for our relationship.

We didn’t do much, anything really, to celebrate the day. We just acknowledged it as special.

And I came home to these flowers on the coffee table.

Simple, sweet, wonderful.

a tip for men: 3 words

Posted on by jplatt27

A lot of times when we’re complaining about something, we don’t want a solution.  We don’t want to figure it out. Sometimes we do, sure.

But most times, we want to hear a simple phrase. Just three simple words will stop us in our complaining tracks.

Here they are:

Wow, that sucks.

Yep, that’s it.

Wow, that sucks.

 

Ladies–feel free to send this post to your SO.

Guys–try it and report back.

 

[two questions] chit chat

Posted on by jplatt27

What are the most used words or phrases in your home?

Thank you–I noticed about a year ago how often we say thank you to each other.  It’s not something conscious but I like that we do this. Some may argue that we overdo it on the thank you’s but we think it’s just right.

I love you

Look. at. that. This one is common while we’re cooking.  I didn’t realize how often I would say this until we were cooking one night and Mike was like “go ahead, say it.” “Say what?” I asked.  “Look at that.”  Now every time I say it, I notice. I say it pretty much every step of the way while we’re cooking something new.

Good idea by you This phrase comes out when someone chooses a good restaurant or recipe, a plan that works out, etc.

How do you talk to each other?

Usually pretty nicely. (see above).

We also have this weird language we’ve developed over the years full of words that we’ve made up or begun to overuse. For example, we sometimes call Chipotle by a different name that I can’t really share here because I don’t know how it would be spelled.  It starts with Shh and rhymes with Chipotle.

 

So, what about you? Common phrases you use with your significant other?

self awareness, spouse awareness: two things that make marriage easier

Posted on by jplatt27

Sometimes it’s the little things that make a big difference or keep the peace.  In a marriage, and in life, a little self awareness can go a long way. Same goes for spouse awareness.

For example, I know that I get really grumpy when I’m hungry.  Seriously, I think I start growling before my stomach does.  It’s taken a few hungry tifs for me to realize that this could all be prevented if I just make sure I eat a little something (even if that means I don’t save my appetite). This prevents me from snapping at my husband unneccessarily just because I’m hungry.

Likewise, I know that when we’re going somewhere and planning to leave at a certain time, Mike wants to leave at that time.  After a few grumpy car rides, I realized that I should make more of an effort to get out the door on time.

What are some small things you do to keep the peace or prevent fights?