This month’s Q&A questions come from Brit and Miranda. In this episode of Love Always, Jo I’ll be answering questions about your inner child, making the workday more mindful, and starting new habits.
Quotes:
- The needs of our inner child can be simple yet profound.
- Being mindful is about consciously choosing what you’re doing and focusing on and reacting less
- Being happy doesn’t have to threaten your relationships
Journal Prompts:
- Think back to when you were 5, 8, 10, 12. What was going on in your life then? What did you need? What did you wish for?
- What was the biggest threat to your well being and happiness when you were little?
- What do you wish you had when you were little?
- What type of experiences, relationships, material things?
- What did you do for fun?
- What did you want to be when you grew up?
- When did you lose track of time?
- What’s your happiest childhood memory?
- What was your biggest fear?
- What was your biggest unmet need?
- What did you need more of?
- What did you need less of?
How can I reconnect with my inner child and get to know her better?
Your inner child is there, just under the surface, always. In a lot of ways, she’s running the show of your life—from your big life goals to your smallest desires to your biggest and smallest triggers.
Your big girl dreams and your big girl worries are all tied up in the dreams, desires, worries, and wants of your little girl self. They’re the same.
If you get triggered by something and you have really really strong negative feelings about something and you’re not sure why it’s likely that your inner child is having a reaction and your inner critic has jumped in to protect your inner child from feeling that pain again.
Ask yourself: what does this remind me of? When have I felt this feeling before? Chances are there is a scared, hurt version of you as a child hidden under there.
A client and I were recently talking about dating. She said that she went on a lot of dates and some that were even good, but they ended up not going anywhere. When we dug into this a bit, she remembered a time in 8th grade when she told a boy she liked him and in science class, this news got out and she was embarrassed publicly for it. At that moment, a protector was born, an inner critic that would pull her back anytime she liked a guy and prevented her from expressing her feelings for him. Clearly, this would hold a person back in a relationship.
The needs of our inner child can be simple yet profound. One of the most powerful experiences I’ve had with my inner child was a walk around the tidal basin and Jefferson Memorial. I was listening to a workshop, ironically about the inner child. At first, I sat and listened. Then I started walking and listening. Then I stopped walking and paused the recording to just stop and be for a little bit. I continued at this pace, walking a little, stopping a little, just as it felt natural to me. This was an important experience for me and my inner child because one of my unmet needs as a kid was quality time with my parents, a quiet uninterrupted time to just go with the flow.
Here are some questions to explore — Think back to when you were 5, 8, 10, 12…
- What was going on in your life then? What did you need? What did you wish for?
- What was the biggest threat to your well being and happiness when you were little?
- What do you wish you had when you were little?
- What type of experiences, relationships, material things?
- What did you do for fun?
- What did you want to be when you grew up?
- When did you lose track of time?
- What’s your happiest childhood memory?
- What was your biggest fear?
- What was your biggest unmet need?
- What did you need more of?
- What did you need less of?
Want to explore this topic more with me? Schedule a free call here.
Do you have any tips for making the workday more mindful?
Take breaks — Instead of going through the click routine of checking emails, texts, social media, etc. between tasks, do a lap up and down the stairs to get your blood flowing, take your lunch break away from your workspace, take colorful plates/bowls to work to put your lunch on, take a break to go for a short walk, stare out the window/outside for a few minutes.
Check in with your body — Do stretches every little bit or take a few minutes between tasks to do some deep breathing exercises.
Watch the number of tabs you have open on your screen and mentally
Turn off notifications — Put your phone in a drawer and turn your notifications off, also think about turning off any notifications that are on your computer so you can focus more on the tasks you’re doing. Give yourself permission to reply to emails at specific intervals rather than in between tasks.
How do you implement new and better habits into your life if you fear judgment from your friends and family?
Acknowledge the fear you have and that it’s the inner critic. Worrying what your friends and family think are your inner critics tactics of keeping you safe and small. It does it because it works. It projects your fears onto your friends and family so that you won’t reach new heights and be better. Your inner critic does this to avoid being shunned or damage relationships.
Think about this — by you changing your habits may actually make your friends and family happy…and they may even want to join you. Usually when we make changes, no one even notices for a while, because a lot of the changes we make (setting more boundaries, eating better, going to the gym) are inner changes first and outer changes second.
If your friends and family do have a reaction to the changes you’re making, realize that it’s their inner critic popping up in their life keeping them safe. Some things you can do:
- Don’t get defensive, just reiterate what you’re doing and remind them their relationship with you isn’t changing just because you’re going to the gym 3 times a week.
- Remind yourself why you are making the change.
- Find some cheerleaders to help you keep the change going.
If you want to talk about change and have someone to keep you accountable to the changes you want to make I’d love to hop on a call with you!
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