When are you going to realize it’s not your job to keep up with everything?
That it’s not your job to keep up with the email, the laundry, the dishes, the social requests.
It’s not your job to “get ahead of it.”
What if…
We do the laundry when we want clean clothes.
We do the dishes when we want a clean kitchen, or when we want a mindless activity.
We reply to email when we’ve got an update, when we want to connect with someone.
We’re spending so much of our lives feeling behind. Living up to expectations, playing according to some rules.
The asap life is getting us down.
We’ll be able to be happy when…
We’ll be able to relax when…
We’ll be able to do the thing we really want to do right now when and only when we check off some type of box, measure up to some type of external standard, when we earn it.
This is killing us. It’s killing our souls. It’s ruining our connections. It’s building up resentments. It’s making us freaking exhausted.
And we’re missing so much good, so much joy, so much life, life that’s in front of us right here right now. Birds chirping, people laughing, feeling good and relaxed in our bodies right now because we can. Because we freaking can.
Do it now. Do the thing now.
Read the magazine. Take a nap. Call a friend. Make the coffee. Drink the coffee, enjoy the coffee.
Watch the show. Look out the window.
Say no.
Say yes.
Ask for an extension.
Decide to drop the ball.
Decide what the balls are that you actually want to catch. Decide what game you actually want to play.
Is it the game of just getting by, just keeping up? Or is it the joy of getting into something. Putting your mind to something. Thinking through something. Challenging something. Creating something.
What game to you want to play?
What experience do you want to have today?
What experience do want to allow yourself to have today?
Play your game. Play it your way.
Your game and their game can coexist. Even when you think they can’t. They can. They won’t even know you’re playing a new game…at least not at first. Not until they look up and realize oh, that person’s happy. Something’s changed. What is it?
You’ll feel like you’ve dropped all kinds of freaking balls, but they won’t. Because they’ll notice the good. They’ll notice the new. Because the good is different. The good is refreshing. The good is effervescent. Welcome. Light. Joy. Ohhhh, this feels different.
We so often think we have to do something to make a change, and it’s often what we choose to not do to not care about that makes a difference. We so often think we need to set an internal boundary have an external conversation, make an external change, when really the most powerful shifts are subtle, internal shifts. Shifts in perspective, shifts in awareness. Shifts. in. focus.
We think the external thing is going to give us the internal thing. But how many times have you gotten the external thing and the so-called-guaranteed internal thing didn’t follow. What’s up with that?
I’m sure you can also think of a time when you had the internal thing but you didn’t have the external thing. How cool is that? When we realize we can have the internal thing right here right now without the external thing, that’s power. That’s freedom.
The moment you unlink the internal thing and the external thing, everything changes. A knot gets untied in you, you can let go, you can stop gripping, you can be here now, be in joy now, be in confidence now, be in ease and calm and relaxation now.
Sometimes we put the external pressure on other people, scrambling for solutions, grasping for answers, looking for the grownups and the rescuers out there. And sometimes we put the external pressure on ourselves. It’s up to US to make the external thing a reality. It’s up to us to make this happen and because we’re not making it happen, we’re failures and we can’t have what we want.
I’m not sure which one’s worse. In both, you’re at the effect of the situation. At the effect of someone who just can’t measure up and there’s nothing you can do about it. There’s nothing you can do about it. There’s nothing you can do about it. And that’s the worst part. That’s where the despair comes in. That’s where the desperation comes in. That’s where the escapism comes in. Looking for a window, looking for a way out. When all you really need to do is turn on the light. Your finger is on the light switch the whole time, your finger is on the power button the whole time. Whether you choose to use it up to you. You may not want to. You may not want to see what happens in the light.
The gripping is serving you. The external focus is serving you. The pressure is serving you. It’s keeping you safe, or so it seems.
We are born into this world. Born into this achievement culture. Sold a lie that if we just do x, y, and z then happiness will inevitably follow. But then you do x, y, and z, and a whole bunch of other letters, and you get the opposite of happiness. So then you just do double x, double y, double z, and see if that works. Or you try to jump into a different game, thinking you’ll be enough in that game. That that game will be easier.
But it’s the same game. But you’re still you in that game. And you’re still playing the game of enoughness.
Until you believe that you’re an MVP, that you contribute in a positive way, the game is going to suck.
It’s not fun to play a game you’re not good at. Don’t believe you can win.
When you’re a forward, the game isn’t going to fun if you’re put in the net. If you’re not nimble on your feet, don’t have the accuracy of a forward, you’re not going to think it’s fun or enjoyable or rewarding to be on the front line. It will much more fun for you to be on defense, to knock some guys out, to get in some people’s way.
You have to play to your strengths. You have to play to your strengths.
And only you can know where you really add value, where you really shine.
And the crazy thing is is that that place is going to be the thing that comes so freaking easy to you you don’t even know it’s a skill or that it’s valuable. But you have to trust that it is.
Your contribution can be easy to make.
Your contribution should be easy to make.
Do you want to eat food from a chef who really has to try? Who has to hem and haw and live in frustration to get it right? Who slams the plate down when the dish is finally finished like “DAMN. FINALLY.” Or would you rather eat a meal prepared by someone who loves to cook, who just “whipped it up,” and sets a place just for you, has energy left over to be present with you while you eat it. Who enjoys it with you?
I think it’s the latter.
So what’s the dish that you’re going to create today? What’s the project that you want to give your time and attention to?
When are you going to realize it’s not your job to keep up with everything? When are you going to realize it’s not your job to do everything? It’s your job to do the thing you’re good at, to dedicate yourself and your time to those few things that you’re really a rockstar at.
The universe can send someone else along to do the other things, if they really need to get done.
