This month’s heart to heart questions and advice on doing it all come from Alicia, Cozette, Melissa, and Katherine. In this episode of Love Always, Jo I’ll be answering questions and talking more in-depth about doing it all.
Links:
Journal Prompts:
- What can you say “no” to this week
- What will it look like when saying no feels better than saying yes
- What would you prioritize if you said no to something
- What is a positive affirmation you want to remind yourself of daily
Quotes:
- It’s OK to do life and friendship based on intuition, joy, and what feels good. @joanna_platt
- You’ll have to get to a point where saying no feels better than saying yes @simplyleap
- I love it when you rest – @joanna_platt
- I’m just as worthy when I’m off as when I’m on @joanna_platt
- Sometimes the worry is a way to keep control @melissanorellihassan
- To show up well you need to give space and rest @joanna_platt
- Act, Don’t Stress @melissanorellihassan
- The solution is already there, let me relax and know that the universe will show me what it is @melissanorellihassan
- We are beautifully limited creatures capable of great moments of living but we can’t have or experience it all. — Katherine
- Own the road you’re on @joanna_platt
“Things I’m working on are balancing time/prioritizing who I see when I’m free; not overcommitting even if it’s something fun (and remembering $$ too). Remembering to plan me time that isn’t always so active is also something I’m working on. Listening to my body when it needs a rest and not being upset about it… there’s my stream of consciousness.” — Alicia
I love a good stream of consciousness! Thank you so much for sharing, Alicia!
Re: balancing time/prioritizing who I see when I’m free: I get that! I (or my inner critic) always wants me to divide my time equally and make sure I’m checking the boxes and seeing people at regular intervals. Just last week I was reminding myself that it’s OK to gravitate toward the same people over and over again. Our minds (or inner critics) want rules and rubrics but it’s OK to do life and friendship based on intuition, joy, and what feels good.
Lauree Ostrofsky said to me recently “You’ll have to get to a point where saying no feels better than saying yes.” And I just loved that. What a possibility. Imagine that!
My guess is that, like me, you’re a yes person. Someone asks you to do something, particularly something fun, and without even thinking you’re like YES! To get around that, you have to learn to pause. A great book on this is Disease to Please. Here’s a line for you: “Let me check my calendar and get back to you” And then, actually check your calendar. Just because that particular time is free, doesn’t mean you can do the thing. Look at the days/hours/and weekend around it and then, check in with your body and see what it says. Try to feel for the answer in your body, not your mind rationalizing all the ways you could or should do the thing.
I also get the non-active me-time. My husband and I were just talking about how we used to go to Politics and Prose on weekend mornings, a local bookstore with a coffee shop here in DC, and how we don’t do that anymore. For me, that showed growth. While I loved (and still love) coffee shop morning time, those mornings were really driven by anxiety. I couldn’t just sit and relax at home.
You have permission to sit here. Play with the downtime. You don’t have to be watching tv, or reading, or doing anything. You could sit and listen to music. You could just sit for a minute.
And finally, about resting when your body needs it – yes! Our culture (and our city) is so go-go-go that this can be hard. But it’s not weakness when you rest. It’s a normal and natural part of life. A great place to start here is to really prioritize rest in the days leading up to your period/the first few days of your period. I have a video workout program where the instructor says “I love it when you rest” he says that work and rest aren’t opposites, they’re synergists. My husband says things similar to me “I love it when you give yourself permission to rest/relax.” So, I’ll say that you now, Alicia, “I love it when you give yourself permission to rest”
My anxiety to do it all comes mostly from FOMO. What are some ways to quiet that voice and calm the part of you that says you could be doing something else more fun/productive/etc? — Cozette
I’d actually recommend the same mantra for you. Give you inner critic a new job. Instead of looking for the things you could missing out on, ask it to remind you “I love it when you rest.”
Another one is “I’m just as worthy when I’m off as when I’m on”
You’ll definitely want to acknowledge and validate that voice. “Hey, I see you and I appreciate you not wanting me to miss out on something fun. But it’s OK. People love me even when I say no.”
My friend Victoria is amazing at saying no. I’d often text her “hey wanna get coffee/do something today.” And she’d often say “no, I’ve got errands to run or I don’t feel like leaving my apartment” and I just loved that. She showed me how to say no, gave me a model of another way to operate. I loved how she prioritizes herself and her needs that way.
And again, back to Lauree’s advice to me: You’ll get to a point where saying no feels better than saying yes. Imagine what that would look like.
My mantra is you can do it all. Meditation is instrumental. Breathing is my one secret tool to reset my mood. I also try to live by “Course in Miracles” #83 – the solution is already there, let me relax and know that the universe will show me what it is. (My own interpretation). Sometimes the worry is a way to keep control. My wife often tells me “you worry more than you do”. I think this is true for most overachievers. Sticky notes around the house or on my mirror help. Who doesn’t need an extra positive affirmation in the morning, “You can do it all” “Act, Don’t Stress” — @melissanorellihassan
So many good nuggets here. My sisters are WISE.
When I feel overwhelmed, I remind myself “it will all get done.” Like Melissa’s wife, my sister in-law says, “you worry more than you do” – that is SO me. I could use the energy and time I spend worrying about all the things to actually take action on the things.
I’d also add that sometimes you can’t do it all, and that’s perfectly OK. Sometimes you don’t WANT to do it all and that’s also perfectly OK. You’re allowed to drop balls. You’re allowed to ask for help. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to take the easy way out. Take an incremental step, you don’t have to go from where you are to a hundred in one step.
This is a quote I love about the idea of ‘having it all’ particularly as it relates to regret or worrying that you’ll choose the wrong path”. “Do not stall too long at the crossroads of life, not to hesitate your way out of living. We can’t experience everything, and taking one road will always preclude another, but agonizing over which to take can eventually prevent us from knowing any road…Giving over to regret keeps us from fully knowing the road we have chosen.” — Katherine
Katherine sent me a photo from her journal with the quote above, but before the quote she writes “we are beautifully limited creatures capable of great moments of living but we can’t have or experience it all.”
Own the road you’ve taken. You don’t have to get there today, or even tomorrow. Get to intimately know the beautiful details of the life experience you’ve chosen and/or found yourself in. You’re on that road, might as well delight in it.
THREE QUICK THINGS BEFORE I LET YOU GO:
It’s not too late to get $50 off my course, Engaged, with the code lovealwaysjo when you sign up by October 31. Go to Joanna-platt.com/engaged to learn more.
I have 2 spots open for new clients starting in November. Interested in learning more? Set up a meet and greet call with me to see if we’re a good fit. There are only a few call spots left for October so grab yours soon at joanna-platt.com/schedule.
Finally, if you’d like to send questions, thoughts, concerns or advice about upcoming topics you can do so at joanna-platt.com/hearttoheart. Submissions are due by the first of the month. Here are the upcoming topics:
- November – Holidays
- December – Receiving
- January – Goal Setting
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